


Find Me In The Darkness

by Freyagirl



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Dom/Sub AU, Dom/sub, F/M, Light Bondage, Mildly Dubious Consent, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Shibari, Soul Bond, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-03-31 02:37:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 32
Words: 45,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3961276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freyagirl/pseuds/Freyagirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alpha Dom Steve Rogers is a man out of time, who has given up of ever finding his soul-bonded sub.  He figures he left any hope of that back in the forties.  Nikita is a submissive who has seen the worst of what a Dominant can do.  When she finds herself in the hands of HYDRA after the death of her Dom, she has no choice but to reach out to SHIELD.  When Steve finds himself bonded to a beautiful Bratva enforcer, will he be able to navigate the darkness inside her to find the parts of her she keeps hidden from the world?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Dominant can tell she is a submissive, has clearly been beaten and can barely walk.  She reaches into the pillowcase and pulls out a severed head, placing it on the table in front of him.  It is the head of his most hated enemy, one on whom he had placed a considerable bounty.  "What is your name, child?" he asks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She reaches into the pillowcase and pulls out a severed head, placing it on the table in front of him. It is the head of his most hated enemy, one on whom he had placed a considerable bounty. "What is your name, child?" he asks.

A 14 year old girl walks into a club in Odessa. She is carrying a pillow case dripping blood on the floor as she walks to the table where the owner of the club, Demyan Volkov, the head of a powerful Bratva family is sitting. He studies her for a moment, taking in the black eye and fingerprint shaped bruises on her arms, the snarled mess of blonde hair matted with blood where hunks had clearly been torn out. The Dominant can tell she is a submissive, has clearly been beaten and can barely walk. She reaches into the pillowcase and pulls out a severed head, placing it on the table in front of him. It is the head of his most hated enemy, one on whom he had placed a considerable bounty. "What is your name, child?" he asks.

"Nikita Ivonova," she replies, glancing nervously at him through her lashes, fear and pain shining from the depths of dark lapis blue eyes.

"Nikita is a Dominant's name," he observed. The girl says nothing but steadily holds his gaze, even as her whole body begins to tremble from the strain of it. Demyan Volkov is a strong Dominant and he knows what this costs her.

With this information Demyan knows that this is the stepdaughter of the man whose head is currently gracing his table. Her father, Ivan Zolner, had been a gifted and loyal enforcer for the dead man's Bratva family until being betrayed and murdered by his boss. He asks Nikita if she is here to claim the reward, she replies that no, she wants his protection. He offers instead to teach her the skills of her father, to give her a valued place in the Volkov Bratva. For the next 12 years the girl is trained by former KGB as well as by a few instructors who had been associated with the Red Room. Nikita wears Demyan's collar, the symbol of the Volkov Bratva embossed into the leather, and follows his orders. Demyan makes sure that all know that Nikita belongs to him and anyone who bothers her will answer for it. When he wants a message sent, he sends Nikita. She kills and maims at Demyan Volkov's command, and trains herself to feel nothing but the determination to repay him, to be of service to the only person she can trust. For the last 12 years, he has kept his word, he made her capable of defending herself, he gave her a room in his house, his collar kept other Dominants from approaching her, and he never asked for sexual favors in return, never asked her to kneel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Demyan means "A Tamer" in Russian
> 
> VOLKOV - Patronymic from Russian volk "wolf".
> 
> Nikita is a male name meaning victory
> 
> Zolner - Russian for "soldier".


	2. Up In Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let them think this an act of cold calculation. She knows that the mask she wears as her face lets nothing show of the grief and rage vented here.

At the Avengers Initiative, Nick Fury calls a small team to assemble in the briefing room. Captain America, Black Widow, the Winter Soldier, and Sam Wilson, all Dominants, as well as Hawkeye a bonded sub, are assembled around the table before him. Fury shows them a file SHIELD had compiled on the Volkov Bratva enforcer known as Nikita. Natasha has had cause to cross paths with Nikita before and finds her impressive, warning the team that the enforcer is almost as good as she is herself. They review the information in the SHIELD file which consists of only her time in the Bratva and identifies some of her instructors. Like the Widow, her origins are shrouded in mystery. Steve finds himself staring at surveillance photos from several years ago showing a frighteningly young woman with honey gold hair and dark blue eyes. He is quietly dismayed to learn that this young submissive has worn the collar of a mob boss for 12 years. Fury informs the team that Nikita has reached out to Natasha, offering information on a HYDRA base, from which she had recently escaped, in exchange for safe haven. Apparently Demyan Volkov has died of a heart attack recently, SHIELD suspects he was poisoned. His eldest son, Sergei Volkov, the new head of the Volkov Bratva, sold Nikita to HYDRA when she refused his sexual advances. She has offered her services to SHIELD in exchange for her helping to destroy the HYDRA base and retrieve all possible intel. The team is to meet Nikita at the club that serves as the headquarters for the Volkov Bratva.

When the Avengers team arrives at the agreed meeting place, they enter to find at least a dozen bodies scattered about the floor, Nikita sitting in a chair with her foot resting on Sergei Volkov's severed head, sharpening a knife. They can smell that the room has been doused in an accelerant. "Делаем ли мы вход или выход?" asks Natasha. 

"Кто говорит, что я не могу сделать так?" Nikita returns. She stands, returning her knife to her boot. Nikita walks over to the Avengers, removing her collar. She pulls a small bottle out of one of the pockets of her BDU pants, pours the contents over the collar, lighting it on fire, then tossing it into the middle of the room. The building goes up in flames as they leave. "What the hell was that?" exclaims Barton.

"The consequences of betrayal," replies Nikita with a hard look in her eyes. Let them think this an act of cold calculation. She knows that the mask she wears as her face lets nothing show of the grief and rage vented here. Let them think lighting the pyre with her collar an act of defiance rather than an offering to the shade of the only person she has ever trusted. Let them think the destruction of the club a cold warning rather than her version of a viking funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Делаем ли мы вход или выход ?  
> Are we making an entrance or an exit?
> 
> Кто говорит, что я не могу сделать так?  
> Who says I can't do both?


	3. HYDRA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The various cuts and bruises are hidden under her black BDU pants, long sleeve black shirt, and body armor, and Nikita knows that her expression gives none of her pain and fatigue away. She's had lots of practice pretending to be stronger than she really is. The Captain's voice over the coms is calm and steady, authoritative. She finds that his voice is helping her to push past her exhaustion to accomplish the mission, something she decides bears thinking about later.

The team heads to the HYDRA base as soon as Nikita gives them the coordinates. Once aboard the quinjet the Black Widow hands her an earpiece so that she can communicate with the team. Nikita sketches out a schematic of the base and all the strategic information she remembers, then Captain America lays out their battle plan. During the flight Nikita studies the people she will soon be fighting with, trying to analyze what each brings to the equation. She has never fought with a team before and wants to be prepared. She already knows what to expect from the Black Widow and the Winter Soldier, their skills are legendary, tales often told by the fighters of the Bratva, lips loosening over too much vodka. She ponders Hawkeye, who also has an impressive reputation. It was primarily Hawkeye's successful career within SHIELD and his status as an Avenger, despite being a sub, that made Nikita reach out to SHIELD. She suspects that Hawkeye is not as un-bonded as his reputation would suggest. Even though they all have earpiece coms, Hawkeye is wearing a tactical throat mic on a black kevlar strap around his neck, which would be an ingenious way to camouflage a collar. Sam Wilson she has never heard of, but apparently he has flight capabilities. Captain America tasked him with providing arial support while Widow and Hawkeye download any files, leaving Nikita with the Soldier and the Captain to infiltrate the rest of the base, taking photos of any tech they find and setting charges to destroy the facility. Which leaves her the rest of the flight to ponder the Captain, who is not just a Dom, he's an Alpha Dom, easily the most Dominant person she has ever encountered. 

Once the team reaches the HYDRA base they encounter heavy resistance but Widow and Hawkeye succeed in securing intel from the servers and destroying all tech and experiments they find. The fighting is fierce and the Avengers team are a little impressed with how ferociously Nikita fights. She fights primarily with a telescoping metal staff, sharpened to a wicked point at each end, and a plethora of blades strapped to every conceivable part of her body. Nikita finds it surprisingly easy to work with the Soldier and the Captain, they are skilled and efficient.

At one point, the three of them are forced to split up in order to get all of the charges placed in time. Nikita had never fought this hard for this long before. First escaping from the HYDRA base, then decimating the Volkov Bratva at the club, and now destroying a HYDRA facility, it's been a busy week. The various cuts and bruises are hidden under her black BDU pants, long sleeve black shirt, and body armor, and Nikita knows that her expression gives none of her pain and fatigue away. She's had lots of practice pretending to be stronger than she really is. The Captain's voice over the coms is calm and steady, authoritative. She finds that his voice is helping her to push past her exhaustion to accomplish the mission, something she decides bears thinking about later. 

As she rounds a corner she runs into half a dozen guards in a narrow corridor, forcing her to fight them in close quarters instead of using her staff. With a knife in each hand she dives into the guards, using their numbers against them. They are not used to fighting together in any coordinated fashion and she takes advantage of that by making sure they get in each others' way as much as possible. A few minutes in she had taken down four of them and was engaging the last two. Just as Nikita drove a knife into the throat of one guard, the other managed to drive his own knife into her right side, she grabbed the knife with her right hand, keeping it in her side and spinning, wrenching it out of the guard's hand as she dropped down, driving the knife in her left hand up to the guard's groin severing his femoral artery. Nikita pulled the knife from her side, pressed a bandage from one of her pockets to the wound, then tightened the straps on her body armor, using the compression to hold it in place before continuing down the corridor. 

Nikita was just placing the last of her charges in the garage where HYDRA had been keeping their vehicles when a stray guard took aim at her with a 40mm grenade. Nikita saw it coming but didn't have time get out of the way when suddenly the Captain was directly in front of her taking the impact of the grenade on his shield. Realizing that he was now facing Captain America, the guard turned to run. Nikita pulled one of the throwing knives strapped to her thigh and threw it, hitting the guard in the neck at the base of his skull, severing his spinal cord.


	4. The Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment his skin touched hers, a bright light flared up between them, causing Nikita's eyes to flash open on a gasp, only to lose consciousness again as the bond settled between them.

During Fury's briefing at the Avengers Initiative, Steve finds himself staring at surveillance photos from several years ago showing a frighteningly young woman with honey gold hair and dark blue eyes. He is quietly dismayed to learn that this young submissive has worn the collar of a recently deceased mob boss for 12 years. 

Steve had reservations about the deal SHIELD had made with this Bratva enforcer. While he welcomed the chance to take out a HYDRA base, he was unsure about working with this sub. As an Alpha Dom his protective instincts wholeheartedly approved of offering her a safe haven, but he was concerned that she would be a liability in the field. Subs who lose a Dominant after a long term relationship can become unstable. This sub had been collared for 12 years, she may not be able to function without a Dominant's guidance. If this mission was going to be successful, Steve would have to pay extra attention to her mental state and be prepared to step in with a firm hand if necessary.

No matter how much thought Steve put into the upcoming mission, nothing could have prepared him for his first sight of Nikita. The sub was calmly sitting in a chair, surrounded by dead bodies, using a severed head as a footrest while nonchalantly sharpening one of many knives strapped to her body. As unsettling as he found it, he couldn't deny that she was stunning. When she used her collar to light the whole building on fire, Steve was sure his concerns about her instability were well founded.

Once they are all aboard the quinjet Nikita gave Clint the coordinates to the HYDRA base, then sketched out a schematic of the base and all the strategic information she remembered from her captivity and escape. Steve was pleasantly surprised by the level of detail she was able to give them and quickly put together a rough battle plan, issuing his orders to the team. He assigns Nikita to sweeping the base and setting charges with him and Bucky, so that he can keep as close an eye as possible on her.

Once the team reaches the HYDRA base, Steve was more than a little impressed with how ferociously Nikita fights. He had read the SHIELD file, but seeing her in action with her staff and blades showed him just how deadly she really is. It was eerily like watching Natasha fight. The way that she adapted to his and Bucky's fighting style allowed the three of them to efficiently sweep through the majority of the base. When they split up to cover the rest of the base, Steve felt uneasy with his inability to keep an eye on Nikita. The Dom in him felt a desperate need to be able to watch her back and protect her. In lieu of that, he listened hard through the coms for any signs of distress from the sub while trying to keep his own voice calm and steady in case she needed the reassurance.

Steve had just made his way to the catwalk around the upper area of the garage when he spotted a guard take aim at Nikita with a grenade launcher. He leaped down from the catwalk in time to catch the grenade on his shield. He was startled by her knife whistling past his face, ending in the neck of the guard. Steve watched as she pulled the knife out of the body, calmly wiping it on the guard's shirt.

Steve took point as they met up with Bucky who fell in behind Nikita as they headed out of the base. No one noticed her wounds, mostly hidden by her dark clothing, as the team reassembled on the quinjet. When Steve noticed that everyone has taken a seat except Nikita, he turned to tell her to sit, noticing the blood dripping from the fingertips of her right hand as it hung loosely from her side a moment before she collapsed to the floor. Steve was the first to reach her, taking off his glove to feel for a pulse. The moment his skin touched hers, a bright light flared up between them, causing Nikita's eyes to flash open on a gasp, only to lose consciousness again as the bond settled between them.


	5. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikita woke with hands on her, she could feel that her clothes had been removed and she panicked. She tried to get the hands off of her, but then there were more hands, pinning her down. She doesn't know where she is or what is going on. In her fear she fights harder, twisting and thrashing...

When they reached the Avengers Initiative, Steve carried his newly bonded sub directly to medical, plowing through anyone not fast enough to get out of his way. He put her on the indicated bed and stepped back to allow the doctors to do their work. When asked, he explained about her captivity, the fight, her collapse, and the bonding. The staff worked quickly to stop the bleeding and stitch up her many wounds. Steve marveled that she received so many wounds and gave no indication of being hurt until the collapse. When Natasha came to check up on them, he asked her to dig up as much information on Nikita as she can. He needs to know as much as possible about his sub if he is going to take care of her properly, more detailed than what they were shown from the SHIELD file. Steve was out in the hall way speaking to Natasha when he felt a wave of panic and fear through the bond. "Something's wrong," he said before darting back to Nikita's room.

Nikita woke with hands on her, she could feel that her clothes had been removed and she panicked. She tried to get the hands off of her, but then there were more hands, pinning her down. She doesn't know where she is or what is going on. In her fear she fights harder, twisting and thrashing, in danger of ripping out her stitches. Steve raced in to the room, taking in the scene. 

"Stop" he said loudly in the most compelling Dom voice she had ever heard. She stilled instantly as the command ran through her body, reverberating throughout the bond. All of her attention on Steve, she barely noticed that the medical staff had also frozen at his command. Steve gestured for them to back away as he approached his sub. He could still feel her fear, but now it was focused on him, like a deer caught in headlights. He gently took hold of her hand, rubbing soothing circles on the back of it with his thumb. "Easy, shhh, relax, no one will hurt you," assured Steve, pushing a sense of safety and calm through the bond. 

Nikita felt herself begin to slide into a different headspace the moment her bonded Dominant (something to freak out over later) issued that order and felt her body's instinctive reaction to obey. His immediate removal of the hands that had so scared her pushed her a little further down. The gentle touch and soothing words, pushed her a little farther still. Steve noted her immediate obedience of his order with no small satisfaction, he could feel her calming through the bond, responding to his soothing. When he realized that she was slipping a little into subspace, he was stunned and pleasantly surprised. When he uttered a heartfelt "Good girl," pushing his praise through the bond as well, she slipped all the way down. "Sleep," he ordered softly. Floating, she closed her eyes and obeyed.

When Steve was sure that she was sleeping deeply he told the doctors that no one was to touch her without him present. Having witnessed her reactions both to them and to him, the doctors agreed it was the best policy. While Nikita slept Steve stayed in her room watching over her. She had given him the gift of her submission by slipping into subspace, her instincts trusting him even if her conscious mind didn't, and he was determined to prove himself worthy of it. He hoped that she slept for several hours at least since he very much doubted that she had had much sleep since finding herself a HYDRA captive. He sat in her room writing up his After Action Report for the op, while he pondered what little he knew about his sub. She couldn't be older than her mid to late twenties, at least half of that spent wearing the collar of a russian mob boss meeting out violence for the Bratva. He wondered what kind of Dom would turn a beautiful young sub into a vicious killer, how he managed to win the level of loyalty required to do so, and Steve didn't like any of the answers he came up with. 

Hours later, Natasha appeared in the doorway silently asking permission to enter, it was always a good idea to get permission before another Dominant approached anywhere near a wounded sub. Steve motioned for her to enter. Once Natasha had settled in a chair close to him, Steve quietly asked if she had learned anything more about Nikita. Natasha had reached out to some of her old russian contacts. Apparently Nikita had only killed the man who sold her to HYDRA and his lackeys sparing the few people in the Bratva loyal to the old boss. Natasha was able to speak to a few of them, including one of Demyan's former bodyguards who had been in the club the first night Nikita walked in. She related the whole story to Steve, detailing Nikita's physical condition, the severed head of her step-father, and the Contract she had entered into with the Russian Dom. After giving her report, Natasha left with a reassuring squeeze to his shoulder. She felt an overwhelming need to see Bruce and spend some quality time with her sub, who had his own childhood abuse issues. Steve was horrified, it seemed that the truth was much worse than any of the awful possibilities he had imagined. 

When Nikita finally woke up, Steve could sense her nervous apprehension and more than a little fear through the bond, but that was infinitely better than the raw terror of earlier. Slowly he approached the bed, "Let me help you". He said as he adjusted the bed up, gently placing pillows under her head and shoulders, carefully helping Nikita to sit up. He then held a cup of water with a straw up for her to drink, accompanied by a small wave of confusion throug the bond. Before Steve could speak further to her, Fury stood in the doorway clearing his throat. Steve stood with his his hand on Nikita's shoulder, subtly placing himself between her and the other Dominant. "I hear congratulations are in order, you're bonded?"

"Yes," replied Steve.

Nikita watched as Fury entered the room, wary but not afraid. She could tell through the bond that her Dom didn't consider this man an immediate threat, so she didn't either. "Maseltov," snarked Fury. "Miss Ivanova, you realize this changes the terms of our deal."

Steve felt a deep anger radiating through the bond, but when he turned to look at Nikita her expression was completely blank except for a slight narrowing of her eyes. She trained that narrow gaze on Fury, not saying a word. As the silence stretched, Steve marveled at the controlled facade Nikita projected when he could feel the violent anger simmering just under the surface. 

Not wanting to provoke a confrontation with Rogers, Fury broke the silence. He explained that instead of working for SHIELD, Nikita would be working with the Avengers under Captain Rogers' command. She would not be reporting to the Avengers Initiative until the Captain cleared her for duty. Nikita didn't really have an opinion on the matter. She had found it surprisingly easy to work with the Avengers, so that was not a problem. The Captain had proved himself a capable leader, and Nikita was used to following the orders of her Dominant. Nikita didn't really care who she fought and killed for so long as she had a place and a purpose. Her only trepidation concerned what kind of a relationship the Captain would want from her. 

Through all of this Nikita said not one word. Steve carefully felt through the bond, noting the depletion of her anger when she realized that she would be working for the Avengers Initiative, that Fury was not totally reneging on the deal. He could tell there was still some trepidation, but he guessed that was directed more towards him personally than Fury or the Avengers Initiative. 

"Just so you know Rogers, we're holding you personally responsible for her good behavior," admonished Fury on his way out.

"I'm well aware of my responsibilities," the Captain responded with a Dominant edge to his voice.


	6. Preliminary Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We need to discuss how this bond is going to work," began Steve. He could tell that this got Nikita's immediate attention.

Nikita had a hard time parsing out what The Captain was feeling from the bond, he was sending a steady stream of calm reassurance which was nice but didn't really tell her anything of his own emotions. Nikita was apprehensive and a little intimidated by the Captain. No one had ever dropped her into subspace, it filled her with both hope and fear. She was hopeful that she could find a place to belong with the Captain and the Avengers, but fearful as well. She was well aware that even without being in subspace, there was no way she could physically stop the Captain from doing anything he wanted to her. Subspace left a submissive in a trance-like state, leaving them emotionally, psychologically, and physically vulnerable. Within subspace, the Captain could do anything he wanted and she wouldn't even try to stop him.

After Fury left, silence once again fell in the room until a nurse came to bring a tray of food and check Nikita's vitals. Steve sent the tray of food back with the nurse as she left. Nikita was confused but before she had too much time to wonder about it, The Soldier appeared with a lot of take out from a local diner. Steve had asked him to bring real food for them since Steve knew how awful the food in Medical could be and he didn't want it to be the first meal he provided for his bonded sub. Steve really wanted to hand feed his sub but he was certain that she wasn't ready for that. Her reaction to his helping her drink earlier made him wonder if anyone had ever done that with her. Instead, he placed a roast beef sandwich, fries, a small salad, a large glass of juice, and a slice of pie on the tray by her bed telling her to dig in. Nikita watched him methodically eat his way through the rest of the food. Steve noticed her surreptitious glances as he ate, explaining that he had a high metabolism which required a lot of calories to maintain.

After they finished eating, Steve noticed that Nikita hadn't said more than a few words since they had met the day before. He knew that they needed to talk, sensing that defining the parameters of their relationship would help Nikita to adjust. He knew that submissives required structure and stability to have a foundation, to keep them balanced. In order for any submissive to give their best, they must feel secure and confident. Much as Steve wanted to wait until he could get Nikita home and hopefully relaxed before having that conversation, there was one thing that needed to be addressed immediately. 

"We need to discuss how this bond is going to work," began Steve. He could tell that this got Nikita's immediate attention. "Most importantly, we need to talk about subspace. I need to know if there is anything you need me to do or not do while your in subspace. What do you normally do?"

"I've never been in subspace before yesterday, no one has ever been able to put me down before," she replied. "So I have no idea what I need when I'm under."

The knowledge that no one had ever put Nikita down before both saddened and thrilled Steve. "We can figure that out together then," he said. "What about what you don't want while you're under?"

Nikita stopped to think about that question, hesitating to verbalize her fears. If the Captain wanted to he could use them against her, but because of the bond she felt almost compelled to answer. "I would like to avoid dropping in public, and…," she trailed off uncertainly.

Steve could tell that what she was having trouble saying was clearly important. "I'll try to avoid dropping you in public, but if it ever happens I promise to take care of you and keep anyone else away from you if I can," Steve assured her. "What else?" He asked.

"No sex," Nikita said in a small voice, carefully not looking at Steve. "I don't want sex and while I'm under. I have no control." 

"Look at me," commanded Steve in a voice she was unable to ignore. He held her gaze, "If you're not ready for sex, that's okay. I can agree to no sex in subspace for now. When I feel that we are ready for that, I promise to discuss it with you before hand." He could tell through the bond that Nikita was only a little reassured by that. He knew that sex was something he would have to be very careful with, she had clearly been abused at some point in the past and one wrong move could do permanent damage to their relationship. 

"What about kneeling?" asked Steve.

Nikita had never had a good experience kneeling, but she found that she desperately wanted to please her Dom. "I haven't knelt to anyone in over 12 years," Nikita began. "I think maybe we could try it but not in public." 

Steve was surprised. "Volkov collared you for 12 years, and you never knelt for him?" He asked.

"Demyan Volkov never asked me to kneel, or have sex with him," she answered. "He protected me and taught me how to fight, in exchange I did what I could to be of service to him." 

"You killed for him," said Steve.

Nikita could feel his condemnation through the bond and it made her angry. "He gave me a place of value, he is the only one who never lied to me, never betrayed me, and never hurt me," she responded fiercely.

Steve was silent for a moment before responding, "I'm sorry. I know he meant a lot to you and I promise not to judge your relationship. Just know that this relationship will be different."

"Okay," agreed Nikita, only slightly mollified.

"We will discuss everything else at home later," assured Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, while I have most of the interactions between Nikita and Steve planned out, I don't really have much in the way of Nikita's interactions with any of the other Avengers planned. If there is anything you would like to see, any suggestions, let me know.


	7. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sensing Nikita's deepening submission Steve pulled back a bit, and tilted her head up to face him. "I'm going to take care of you now. Do you have a safeword?" 
> 
> "No," she answered in a small voice around the lump in her throat.

Steve left Nikita to rest with the remote to the TV in the room, while he went to debrief. Afterwards he contacted JARVIS, asking the AI to order some clothes in the same size and style as those Nikita had been wearing as well as whatever essentials he might deem necessary, and have them delivered to Steve's apartment in Stark's Tower. When he returned to Nikita's room, Steve met with her doctor for instructions on caring for her wounds and made arrangements to take her home. While Steve talked to the doctor, a nurse helped Nikita dress in a set of scrubs, since none of her clothes had survived. Steve had gathered up all of her weapons and tactical gear, packing it all in a bag, then he commandeered a black SUV from the facility garage and drove them to the Tower. When they arrived Steve guided Nikita into the elevator, taking it directly to his level. Introducing Nikita to the other residents of the Tower could wait. For now the Dominant in him was driven to pamper and care for his still wounded sub, there was no way his protective instincts would allow anyone else around her.

Once in his apartment Steve gently pulled Nikita into his arms, giving into the need for physical contact he had been suppressing since the bonding. He pressed her head to rest against his shoulder, planting a kiss to the top of her head, his arms wrapped tight around her careful not to put pressure on any of her injuries. Nikita was stiff in his arms and he could sense a spike of fear from her. Steve rubbed one hand soothingly up and down her back softly. "Good girl, just relax, so good for me," he whispered in her ear praising her for submitting to his touch despite her fear. Gradually her body relaxed and the fear lessened.

Nikita found herself wrapped in the Captain's arms, surrounded by his warmth. At first she had stiffened in fear, not knowing where this was going. With her head resting on his shoulder she took in deep breaths of his scent. The Captain (Her Captain?) smelled like clean sweat, leather, and something uniquely him. His scent and soothing touches kept her from panicking, helping her manage her fear and resist her initial urge to break free from his hold. His words of praise providing her with a warm sense of reassurance that helped her work through the confusion of her conflicting impulses, allowing her to give in to her submissive nature and begin to relax in his embrace. 

Sensing Nikita's deepening submission Steve pulled back a bit, and tilted her head up to face him. "I'm going to take care of you now. Do you have a safeword?" 

"No," she answered in a small voice around the lump in her throat.

"Then until you choose one we will use colors. Green means we can continue with what is happening. Yellow means you are uncomfortable enough that we need to take a step back or pause before either continuing or stopping. If you say Red everything stops immediately. You will never be punished for calling Red or Yellow. Now, what is your color?" Steve asked. 

Nikita thought about that question for a moment. He hadn't said what 'taking care of her' would entail, instead he was asking her to trust him. Trust was not something that came easily to Nikita but the sub in her needed to give her Dom anything he wanted from her. She concentrated on the bond, sensing only protective concern from him, "Green."

"Good," Steve responded with a smile. "I don't want you to speak unless you need to call a color."

With that, Steve took her hand and led her into the bathroom. He lifted her to sit on the counter, then went to draw a bath. Steve filled a glass of water from the sink then he held one of the pain pills prescribed by her doctor up to her mouth. She looked at the pill warily. Steve knew that this was a huge test of her willingness to trust so he simply stood in front of her, waiting to see what she would do. After a long moment Nikita opened her mouth accepting the pill and swallowing it with water from the glass Steve held to her lips. "So good," Steve praised as he cupped her cheek, smiling when she unconsciously leaned into his touch. 

Steve then inspected the basket of toiletries that JARVIS had had delivered, handing her a new toothbrush he directed Nikita to brush her teeth while he added some lavender bath salts to the tub. When she finished, he lifted her off the counter, setting her on her feet. Steve lifted the hem of her shirt and, careful of her injuries, pulled it off. Then he slowly slid her pants down, helping her to step out of them. His breath caught at his first sight of her naked. Underneath the dried blood and bandages, she was stunning. 

Nikita was tempted to call Yellow when the Captain began to remove her clothes, instead she tried to calm her mind and listen to the bond. She could sense his approval, but no aggression, so instead she took a deep breath determined to continue. Steve gently removed all of the bandages covering the worst of her wounds, being careful not to pull any of her stitches. He then guided her over to the tub, steadying her as she stepped in and sank down into the water.

Steve gathered up what he needed from the basket and knelt down behind her. He directed her to scoot forward and then lean back. With one hand at the nape of her neck he kept her face above the water as he dampened her hair with his other hand before guiding her to sit back up. Steve then washed her hair, working the shampoo into her hair thoroughly, lightly scraping her scalp with his blunt fingernails. He then had her lean back down to rinse her hair, careful to make sure no suds got in her eyes. As he worked conditioner into her hair, massaging her scalp, Nikita felt the pain medication begin to take hold. She began to feel relaxed and drowsy, luxuriating in the feel of the Captain's strong yet gentle hands in her hair. Leaving the conditioner in her hair Steve wet a washcloth adding lavender scented body wash, working it up into a lather. Steve then carefully and tenderly washed away days worth of dried blood and sweat. He made sure to keep giving her words of encouragement and praise. When he was finished he rinsed the soap off her body and the conditioner from her hair, wringing the excess water out.

Steve pulled the plug to drain the tub, then directed Nikita to stand up, helping her step out of the tub. He took a large fluffy towel using it to gently dry off her body, paying extra attention to her injuries. Next he took a tube of Neosporin and applied it carefully to every scrape and cut, paying special attention to those requiring stitches which he then covered with clean sterile gauze pads, taping them securely in place. Finally he wrapped her up in a new towel before carrying her out of the room.

Steve carried her into the bedroom, setting her down on the bed. He then dressed her in one of his own button down shirts and a pair of white cotton underwear from the supplies provided by JARVIS. Steve led her into the living room, sitting down on the couch and directing her to kneel between his legs with her back to him. He then dried her hair further with the towel before carefully working a comb through it.  
He continued to gently comb her hair long after all the tangles were gone. He eventually guided her head to rest against his thigh replacing the comb with his hand, petting her until her eyes started to flutter. 

Nikita couldn't resist a sigh of pure pleasure as the Captain ran his fingers through her hair. There was something so incredibly satisfying about kneeling with her head resting on his muscled thigh. The knowledge that she was doing exactly what her Dom wanted and his whispered words of praise filled Nikita with such a deep sense of contentment she began to doze off. Steve carefully pulled her up into his lap, cuddling her until her eyes drifted shut and her breathing became deep and even as she fell asleep. At this point he carried her back into the bedroom, placing her under the covers, tucking her into his bed where she belonged. 

Watching his sub sleeping peacefully in his bed filled Steve with a profound sense of rightness. Going over the evening in his mind he was deeply gratified by her beautiful submission, sensing how difficult it had been for her to trust him. Determined to get this right he turned away from the room, leaving the door cracked open in case she needed anything.


	8. Advice From a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, like navigating a minefield," Steve replied.
> 
> "A little like that, yeah," she chuckled. "But if anyone can do it, Cap, it's you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SoupShue for the inspiration for this chapter.

While Nikita slept in his bed, Steve asked JARVIS to put in a call to Natasha. "That will not be necessary Captain Rogers," responded the AI. Before Steve could question him further, there was a soft knock on his apartment door. He was unsurprised to find the spy on the other side on the door. She walked past him settling herself comfortably at the end of the couch facing the door, "I've decided that you need some advice."

"I was just thinking that actually," Steve agreed sitting at the other end of the couch facing her. Natasha gave him that 'I'm listening' look with a slight tilt of her head encouraging him to continue. Steve heaved a sigh, "I made her angry, really angry," he began. "I said something unflattering about Volkov, about him turning her into a killer. I just don't understand how she could defend the man after the way he treated her."

"He didn't," said Natasha enigmatically.

"He didn't, what?" asked Steve confused.

"Make her a killer," she responded. "That girl was a killer before she ever met Demyan Volkov. When you talked about him, what did she say?"

"She said that he protected her, trained her, gave her a place of value, that he never lied to her or hurt her," Steve answered. "That she killed so she could be of service to him."

Natasha shook her head a little as she looked at her friend. "Do you know how children are made into assets, into weapons? First you find the ones already subjected to cruelty and abuse, then you look for the ones that don't break. Next you 'rescue' them, make them believe that you are the only thing in the world standing between them and the things they fear, that you are the only person who cares about them. You earn their loyalty and then you train them."

Steve looked at her sadly, "That's what happened to you, both of you?"

"More or less," she responded. "But with a sub it's both simpler and more complicated, the loyalty more profound."

"How so?" he asked.

"A submissive is already hardwired to crave praise and approval," Steve nodded as she explained. "They crave direction, have a need to follow orders, and are desperate to be of service. If you train a sub to kill, praising them only for those skills, they will live to only to execute your orders. They will mete out violence at your direction without question, they will kill on your orders without fail."

"Okay," sighed Steve, "I think I'm following, but how do I keep from making it worse? She expects to fight with the Avengers under my orders. How is that different?"

"Right now fighting is her identity. What she needs is a new direction. You can teach her how to be a protector instead of a killer." she answered, "What else?"

"Right," Steve continued a little sheepishly, "I know that she has been abused. I can feel her fear and apprehension, I'm concerned that one wrong move could destroy any hope of building a relationship. I've never had a long-term relationship with a sub before."

"Have you discussed terms yet?" she asked.

"A little, so far her only only hard limits have been not wanting to drop or kneel in public," Steve explained. "I didn't want to have the rest of that conversation in medical."

"You should have that conversation soon," advised Natasha. "I imagine she has a deep seated need to appear strong in public. If you want her to become comfortable with the team, you should respect that."

"Of course," replied Steve, "but how do I win her trust?"

"Dealing with an abused sub can be tricky," admitted Natasha. "Before she can begin to open up and show you her true nature, she has to feel safe and have reason to trust you. Once she does open up, she will still need to be reminded frequently. With an abused sub it's easy to make them feel unwanted and unloved without meaning to. Reminding her that she belongs to you and is valued will help quell that little voice telling her that she means nothing. Your approval and reassurance will be crucial to helping her adjust to her new life. Reviewing all the ways she is valuable to you when she gets insecure will be the best way to keep her obedient and happy. Have you thought about collaring her?"

"I want to," Steve answered, "but I thought maybe I should wait, take it slow."

"I disagree," Natasha asserted. "I think a collar would give her a sense of security and safety, a tangible reminder that you value her."

"What about sex?" asked Steve. "I don't want to trigger her."

"As it stands I think she would rather kill for you than have sex with you," replied Natasha with a rueful laugh. "Killing is familiar and requires no real trust from either of you. To let down her walls and give you control of her will may take time and testing before she feels safe enough to permit either of you to go beyond the initial stages of your relationship. Even after she has given herself to you, she will need to be reminded that she is safe with you. You will trigger her. There's no way around it. I doubt she even has any idea what her triggers are, you'll have to discover her limits together. You have to be ready to deal with it when it happens. Prove to her that you are a safe place to fall, that you can catch her."

"So, like navigating a minefield," Steve replied.

"A little like that, yeah," she chuckled. "But if anyone can do it, Cap, it's you." Natasha unfolded from the couch, heading towards the door. 

Steve walked her out. "Thanks, Nat," he said as he closed the door behind him.

Steve's conversation with Natasha kept running through his mind as he brushed his teeth and changed into a pair of sleep pants. He quietly slipped into bed wrapping his arms around Nikita, careful not to wake her. Turning his strategic mind to the problem he began to formulate a plan. Eventually the sound of her deep even breaths relaxed him and he fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	9. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Impeccable timing, I was saying just the other day I needed another Russian assassin in my Tower."
> 
> "Tony," chided Steve "play nice."
> 
> "What? Now we have a complete set." Tony joked

Nikita woke in pain, which was nothing new. Someone was laying behind her, strong arms wrapped around her, and that _was_ something new. Before she could do more than stiffen, a wave of reassurance came through the bond and she remembered where she was and who those arms belonged to, who _she_ now belonged to.

Steve knew the moment Nikita woke up, sensing her pain and confusion. He sent reassurance through the bond to calm her. "Good Morning," he said planting a small kiss to her temple. "Stay still, I'll get your medication." Steve got out of bed, careful not to jostle her and headed into the bathroom. He smiled to himself as he filled a glass with water. She had woken with pain and confusion yes, but there had been no fear. It was all the encouragement he needed to put the first part of his plan into action.

He returned to the bedroom, helped Nikita sit up, gave her a pain pill and antibiotic and held the glass for her to drink. When she was done he put the glass on the night stand. "Stay there and let the meds kick in, I'll take the first shower," Steve said as he headed back into the bathroom.

Steve returned from the bathroom a short while later, wearing only a towel. Nikita tried not to stare, but he was beautiful. Steve hid a small smile as he got dressed. Then he helped Nikita to get out of bed. She was still a little stiff, but the pain medication had already taken the edge off. The medicine made her a little fuzzy, but after a very good night's rest, it didn't make her more than a little drowsy. Steve steadied her on her feet, "Shower's all yours. Are you okay or do you need help?"

"I can do it," she replied. Steve let her go and watched as she headed towards the bathroom.

"Keep the door open and call for me if you need anything," he ordered.

Nikita carefully stepped into the shower, still a little unsteady on her feet. She spent a few long moments just standing under the spray of hot water, gathering her thoughts. She was still apprehensive, but so far nothing had happened that she couldn't handle. She figured that part of her acceptance of this new situation was due to the pain medicine she had been on since waking up at the Avengers Initiative, but she couldn't deny that most of the reason she wasn't completely freaking out was how careful the Captain was being with her. Thinking of her Dom, she was reminded that he was waiting for her in the other room. Nikita finished washing up before shutting off the water and gingerly stepping onto the plush bath mat. She used one of the large fluffy towels to dry herself off before wrapping it around herself and brushing her teeth then returning to the bedroom.

Steve directed her to sit down on the bed, once again treating her wounds. He determined that only the deep stab wound in her side needed to be re-bandaged. Nikita had been injured before, many times. Usually she was left to deal with them on her own after the initial medical treatment. Having someone else treating her wounds, caring for them -for her- was a completely new experience. When he was finished, he told her to get dressed in the clothes he had laid out for her.

She dressed in the brand new set of black cotton underwear and socks, a pair of black BDU pants, and a long sleeved dark blue henley shirt. She sat on the bed to lace up her black combat boots, making a mental note to clean them at her earliest opportunity. Steve picked up the brush from his dresser then sat down next to her. Nikita turned to look at him questioningly, he turned her head back away, telling her to hold it there. Steve then gently brushed her hair until it fell in tangle-free golden waves down to the middle of her back.

"We'll head up to the kitchen for breakfast, then I'll give you the tour," Steve said, heading towards the bedroom door. Nikita stood still, not following. Steve turned to look at her when he noticed her hesitation. It took him a moment before he figured out the problem. He crossed the room pulling a duffel bag from the closet floor, tossing it at her feet. "Bring what you need," he said before leaving the room. She opened the duffel to find all of her weapons, most of which were in desperate need of cleaning and maintenance. Nikita chose half a dozen knives, secreting them on her person, then placed the duffel back in the closet before joining Steve in the other room.

Nikita followed Steve out of the apartment and into the hallway, "Stark invited some of the Avengers to live here in the Tower, the apartments are all on this and the next floor down." They entered the elevator at the end of the hallway and Steve asked JARVIS to take them up to the Common Floor. "JARVIS is Tony's AI, he runs the Tower," explained Steve. "If you need anything and I'm not available, ask JARVIS." Nikita didn't respond verbally, but Steve could tell that she was paying attention. He was pretty sure that was normal for her.

They rode the elevator up to the next floor. "This is the Common Floor," said Steve guiding Nikita out of the elevator with a hand on the small of her back. Before she even had time to do more than register the touch it was gone. Nikita took in the space before her. To the right of the elevator was a sitting area with two large couches and three recliners positioned in a semi-circle around a sunken floor area filled with plush cushions. In front of this horseshoe configuration was a large flat screen. Directly ahead of them was a large kitchen surrounded by a counter lined with bar stools and a large dining table. To the left was a full bar and a pool table.

Apparently word had spread throughout the residents of the Tower that Cap had found his bonded sub, because the room seemed to be full of members of the Avengers family. They were all gathered around the kitchen and dining area. Tony and Bruce were in the kitchen cooking breakfast. Bucky, Jane, Clint and Darcy were seated around the dining table. Clint and Darcy were in the middle of a heated discussion about some action movie they had watched during the last movie night. Clint was bemoaning all of the inaccuracies while Darcy insisted they didn't matter because the action hero Dom was hot. Bucky was watching them with an indulgent smile. Steve introduced Nikita to each of those around the table before steering her over to the kitchen, seating them both at the counter.

"So, Capsicle," snarked Tony. "I hear you snagged yourself a girl!"

"Yes Tony," replied Steve with an exasperated smile, "I found a girl. This is --"

"Nikita Ivanova," interrupted Tony. "Impeccable timing, I was saying just the other day I needed another Russian assassin in my Tower."

"Tony," chided Steve "play nice."

"What? Now we have a complete set." Tony joked while pouring a cup of coffee for each of the newcomers.

"Don't mind him," Bruce said softly to Nikita before announcing to the rest that the food was ready.

Nikita said nothing, merely took a sip of her coffee.

Shortly after that Nikita found herself seated next to Steve at the massive table with everybody else enjoying what was actually a surprisingly good breakfast. She took the opportunity to observe the people around her. She learned that the young sub Darcy Lewis was bonded to Bucky Barnes, who was also the Captain's (Steve, everyone called him Steve) best friend. Darcy was also Jane Foster's lab assistant. Nikita didn't miss the way that the Soldier kept himself between herself and his sub.

Bruce Banner was a quiet scientist, the Hulk, and apparently the bonded sub of the Black Widow. Tony Stark was a loud, brash sub who was bonded to the Domme who ran his family's company, a woman named Pepper. What intrigued her about Stark was the fact that, while the Captain commanded the Avengers, Tony bank rolled the entire operation and designed everyone's gear. He also made it clear through his sarcastic humor that they all lived in HIS Tower. Nikita knew Stark was definitely a force to be reckoned with.

The scientist Jane Foster and the Asgardian Thor were married but not bonded. Apparently Asgardians didn't have Dom/sub dynamics and Jane was a rare Switch. Hawkeye - Clint - was still wearing the kevlar around his neck (minus the tactical mic), confirming her guess that he was bonded to someone, though no one mentioned who to. Clint and Darcy seemed to be the only ones at the table capable of matching Tony's snark. In fact, the three subs were easily the loudest people in the room.

Nikita observed the way that Steve interacted with them all. Clearly these people weren't just his teammates, they were his family. She also noticed the way that he took every opportunity to touch her. Always light, small touches. There and gone again before she could even react.

After they finished eating Steve took Nikita on a tour of the rest of the common areas. He explained that Tony and Pepper lived in the penthouse above the Common Floor they had just left. He showed her the gym which had an impressive array of equipment, an open area covered with mats for sparring, a sauna, jacuzzi, and an indoor pool. Next they visited the range which had lanes for handguns, rifles, archery, and throwing knives. Steve informing her that all of the common areas were open to any of them at any time. Next he showed her where the labs for Bruce and Jane and Tony's workshop were located, warning her not to go in unless invited by one of them due to the potential volatility of the projects they worked on.

By the time they finished the tour it was time for lunch so they went back up to the Common Floor. The space was pretty much clear of everyone except Clint and Darcy who had just finished 'pop tarting' Tony and the scientists. Apparently they would forget to eat if she didn't remind them. The four of them made sandwiches and iced tea which they carried into the sitting area to eat while watching a movie. Nikita sat on one of the couches next to Steve. Clint and Darcy had JARVIS play From Russia With Love, which they thought was hilarious. Steve could sense Nikita's amusement at their antics coming through the bond, though she let nothing show. After they finished eating Steve rested his arm over the back of the couch, idly running his fingers through her hair throughout the rest of the movie.

After the movie Steve took Nikita back to their apartment where he gave her another dose of her medications. Steve felt that the day had gone well. Nikita had seemed to react positively to the other residents of the Tower. The first part of his plan seemed to be going well, she hadn't shied away or reacted negatively to his touch all day. He decided it was time to enact the next part of his plan.


	10. Church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In her experience Dominants took what they wanted unless you were strong enough to stop them. She had made herself strong. If he tried to take from her what she was unwilling to give, she would fight. She was prepared to fight. In fact she fully expected this new life to end in bloodshed one way or another.

Steve and Nikita sat on the couch facing each other. There was a seriousness in his eyes which matched the tone of his emotions coming through the bond. She gave her Dom her undivided attention. "We need to discuss some ground rules, at least for this stage of our relationship. We can renegotiate any time either of us feels the need. JARVIS will keep a record for us. Do you have any questions or concerns?"

Nikita had long ago learned never to voice the things she felt lest they be used against her. Steve continued to look at her expectantly, but a lifetime of near silence rose up within her, blocking any reply she may have made. 

Steve sensed her struggle through the bond. It saddened him to think about the mask that she forced herself to wear. He determined to someday soon make Nikita feel safe enough to show her true face. For now he thought starting with something impersonal might help.

"First, we need to talk about your wounds and Avenger status," Steve began. "It will be at least another week until you can begin training. Clear it with Bruce before doing anything in the gym or at the range. Natasha and I will decide when you are ready to start training with the other Avengers at the Initiative."

This was…. Tactical. She could do this. "Who's orders do I follow?"

"In the field, whoever is the Team Leader. That will usually be me, but not always. At the Initiative, Natasha or myself. Fury will definitely give you orders, but you don't necessarily have to follow them."

"And here, in the Tower?" she asked. 

"That would be me," he answered. "Although you should bear in mind that this is Tony's house, and you should always take JARVIS seriously. You have free run of all the Common Areas but don't leave the Tower without letting me or JARVIS know where you're going. I'd like for you to get to know the other residents of the Tower, especially the rest of the team. It will help in the field." Nikita nodded, not at all sure how she was going to go about doing that. 

Steve took a deep breath. Now was the part of the conversation that could go very wrong if he wasn't careful. "I want us to get to know each other better as well. I know that you aren't ready for a more intimate relationship yet, and that's okay. It's my responsibility to earn your trust. I just need you to promise me that you will use your colors or a safeword if you need to. You have the power to stop anything we are doing at any time. Have you chosen a safeword or do you want to keep using the colors?"

Nikita was…confused. She had no frame of reference for this. In her experience Dominants took what they wanted unless you were strong enough to stop them. She had made herself strong. If he tried to take from her what she was unwilling to give, she would fight. She was prepared to fight. In fact she fully expected this new life to end in bloodshed one way or another. But here he was, an Alpha Dominant, asking rather than demanding. 

"Wolf," Nikita answered hesitantly. "My safeword is Wolf."

"Good," he smiled. 

After that conversation Nikita wasn't sure what she had expected to happen, but what Steve did next wasn't it. He told her about coming out of the ice after 70 years, all of the references, and things that he's missed out on. He pulled a small book out of his pocket. "This is my list," he explained. "i was thinking that you could help me, we can go through it together." Nikita agreed, surprised that he would ask her.

They spent the rest of the evening going through his book. It turned out that Nikita was unfamiliar with a lot of it as well. Being part of a Russian criminal enterprise didn't lend itself to learning a lot about American pop culture. They ended up ordering dinner delivered while watching Bruce Lee movies.

The next few days followed a similar pattern. Nikita woke in Steve's arms each morning, then they would join the other residents of the Tower for breakfast. It was a different combination of people each morning, depending on who was around. After breakfast they would pick something off of Steve's list to explore, sometimes on the Common Floor with the others and sometimes alone in the apartment. Steve took every opportunity to touch Nikita in small ways. He always kept his touch gentle and light, trying to prove that she need not fear him.

Sunday morning was different. Steve got them up and dressed earlier than usual. The clothes he laid out for her were a slightly dressier version of those she had worn each day previous. A pair of black cargo pants with a slightly shiny finish, a heather grey v-neck lightweight sweater, and a new pair of polished black boots. Steve himself dressed in a dark blue suit and tie. When he explained that they were going to church, he didn't really need to feel it through the bond to sense her disdain. Though she still rarely spoke and kept her face blank, Steve was beginning to be able to read micro-expressions and small shifts in posture to gauge Nikita's mood. 

When they got to the church, Steve allowed Nikita to wait outside while he went in for mass. Much as her instinct was to please her Dom, she just couldn't bring herself to go in. In all of her life Nikita had never had much use for God or religion. In some of her earliest memories she had begged and pleaded for protection and comfort from a God who never answered. She had concluded that God either didn't exist or didn't care, and then she had done whatever was needed to protect herself. The existence of God was a moot point anyway, she had spilled far too much blood to ever be forgiven or washed clean.

She wandered around the grounds of the church, taking note of the orphanage that was part of the diocese. Steve had mentioned that he often spent time with the kids after mass. She stopped cold before crossing the courtyard between the back of the church and the orphanage. Across the courtyard was a young boy no more than ten years old, clearly a sub, being bullied by a pack of Dom boys about the same age. She watched as the boys ordered him around, their demands growing ever more demeaning. As the boy continued to resist, their 'punishments' grew ever more physical, bordering on violent. Nikita watched silently, the boys unaware of their audience. Even though it would be easier (safer) to give in, the young sub continued to defy them. When they shoved the sub to the ground and began to beat him in earnest, Nikita stepped in. She grabbed the ring leader by the scruff of his neck in a classic sub hold, lifting him off the ground and shaking him before throwing him back at his companions, knocking them down and away from the sub. When the bullies didn't leave fast enough for her, Nikita glared at them and growled. Whatever they saw in her eyes scared them, tripping over themselves in their haste to get away.

Nikita walked over and knelt down in front of the boy, silently. He looked up at her from the ground. There were dirty scrapes on his face and hands, the beginnings of a black eye swelled while blood flowed from a split lip and seeped through the knees of his jeans. She saw the moment the boy realized what she was, his eyes widened in shock. "You're a sub?" the boy asked in a small voice. 

Nikita nodded slowly, holding the boy's gaze. "Can I help you get cleaned up?" she asked, holding her hand out to the boy. 

The boy stared at her for a long moment before taking her hand and letting Nikita pull him to his feet. "What's your name?" he asked.

"Nikita," she replied as they headed towards the parking lot. "What's yours?"

"Thomas," he answered, "Aren't we going the wrong way?"

"There's a first aid kit in the car." Nikita kept her pace slow enough for Thomas to easily keep up with her. She could have left him to wait for her, but the boy didn't seem inclined to leave her side at the moment.

After retrieving the first aid kit, Nikita led Thomas back to the church. She found a small alcove off to the side with a basin of water. She dragged a chair over from the hallway, setting it next to the basin. She set Thomas on the chair, then set about using the contents of the first aid kit and the water from the basin to treat the boy's myriad wounds. Luckily all of the boy's injuries proved to be minor.

After the service, Steve went in search of his sub. She wasn't anywhere outside around the church. He would have been concerned but he was getting a sense of warmth through the bond, a far cry from the tangle of violent emotions he had been getting from her earlier. He wondered at the change and made his way back inside the church thinking maybe she had found something inside to bring that warmth to her spirit. He heard Nikita's voice but before he could follow it he was stopped by Sister Margaret, one of the nuns who looked after the children of the orphanage. Steve had mentioned to the sister that he would be bringing Nikita on his weekly visit which was why she had recognized the sub upon seeing her in the courtyard. It seemed that the nun had witnessed the incident with the boys, but had been too far away to help Thomas. Sister Margaret related the whole incident to Steve. 

Steve and Sister Margaret headed toward the sound of a child's chatter coming from one of the alcoves in the side of the church. When he finally spotted Nikita he couldn't stop the wide grin that spread over his face. Nikita was packing up the first aid kit, having clearly just used a basin of holy water to wash the boy's wounds, if the pink tinge of the basin was any indication. The boy was chattering away at her, holding the side of her shirt up looking in awe at the healing stab wound on her side. Steve saw the moment that she sensed them coming near. Nikita turned towards them, subtly placing herself between them and the boy. 

Thomas happily greeted Sister Margaret and Steve, excitedly telling them all about his rescue. Nikita relaxed as she realized that Thomas felt safe with this woman, that she wasn't going to hurt him. Sister Margaret led young Thomas away as it was lunch time for the children, the boy refusing to go until 'Kita' gave him a hug and a promise to come see him again. 

Nikita and Steve headed back to the car. As she reached to open the car door, he stopped her with a hand on her arm. "That was real good," he beamed his approval at her, "what you did for Thomas." She was stunned that she had pleased him by doing something that would have gotten her in trouble in the past. Nikita couldn't help the warmth that spread in her chest as she basked in her Dom's approval.


	11. The Sassy Sub Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Project Runway, Avengers Edition," enthused Darcy. "I get to be Heidi, which totally makes you Tim Gunn."
> 
> "Make it work!" declared Tony.

The next morning, Steve left for the Avengers Initiative. He had taken almost a week off and needed to check back in with Natasha and Fury. There were new Avengers to train, threat assessments to get caught up on, as well as liaising with Director Coulson and the new SHIELD. Even though it wasn't obvious, Nikita had begun to thaw out a bit towards the rest of the Tower residents and Steve was confident that she would be fine in his absence.

Nikita decided to take the opportunity to get caught up on some much needed maintenance of her weapons and gear. She pulled the duffel out of the closet, but hesitated before setting it down in the living room of the apartment. Steve had asked her to get to know the residents of the Tower better, so staying holed up here alone in the apartment was probably not what her Dom would want her to do. But she had no idea how to get to know the others, socializing was not something she had ever tried to do before. And her gear really did need going over. She decided to take her gear up to the Common Floor and do the maintenance there. Maybe that would count as socializing?

When Nikita stepped off the elevator onto the Common Floor, she found Darcy already curled up on a couch watching TV. She strode over to the sitting area, settling into a seat and pulling the coffee table over in front of her, setting the duffel on the ground next to it.

"What's up, Buttercup!" 

Nikita looked over at the other girl meeting her eyes then exaggeratedly looked up to the ceiling then back, a small smirk lifting the corner of her mouth. Darcy promptly dissolved into a small fit of giggles.

Darcy was marathoning Project Runway. She kept up a steady stream of commentary about the contestants and their outfits while Nikita worked. Darcy's eyes widened as Nikita took the weapons out of the duffel and laid them out on the coffee table until they covered the whole surface.

Nikita covertly studied the curvy brunette while she systematically cleaned and sharpened her knives. She was lounging in a pair of sweat pants and an oversize shirt which probably belonged to her Dom, the neck of the shirt hanging loose enough to show the collar she wore. It was a chain of large silver rings with a silver heart resting at the hollow of her throat. The girl smiled and laughed and had a wicked wit. Nikita found herself enjoying Darcy's company.

Darcy was thrilled to discover Nikita's hidden sense of humor, starting with that first smirk. Every now and then she would spot a small smile on the blonde's face as her comments became more and more outrageous.

They were several episodes in when Tony came out of the elevator. He was impeccably dressed in a silvery grey bespoke suit with a red tie, his hair artfully tousled. "Really Lewis?" Tony teased, "Watching Project Runway without me, I'm wounded."

"Well look at you dolled up all fancy" remarked Darcy. 

"Spent the weekend with Pepper then she made me go to a board meeting this morning," explained Tony. 

"Oh the horror!" Darcy commiserated. "We were just about to have lunch. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable and join us?" The suggestion was accompanied by a lascivious wiggle of her eyebrows.

"Order up something good," Tony instructed as he took the stairs up to the penthouse.

By the time Tony returned to join them the food had arrived. He was dressed in a pair of sweats and a band tee showing off the red and gold collar he wore. By now Nikita had worked her way through most of her weapons. She was checking over her body armor and restocking the pockets. Tony looked over the array of weaponry spread out over his coffee table. His attention was caught by a black metallic cylinder which he picked up to examine, looking over at Nikita to gauge her reaction. 

"What is this, a light saber?" he asked Nikita. She just calmly arched an eyebrow at him as he continued to examine it. She reached out grabbing his hand, positioning it so that he held the cylinder horizontally between them, then she pressed the catch. Immediately metal telescoped out of both ends terminating into wickedly sharp points, turning the cylinder into a four foot metal staff. Tony looked it over, "JARVIS scan."

"Scanning sir," the AI replied. 

Tony twirled the staff around a little, testing the balance, then triggered the mechanism to retract and expand the staff again. When his curiosity was satisfied, he retracted the staff a final time and handed it back to Nikita. He then picked up and examined her body armor, checking all the pockets. He seemed almost personally affronted by the fact that it was generically 'off the rack'.

Nikita didn't have a problem with Tony's interest in her gear. She had never been sentimentally attached to any of her weapons, though she did really like her staff. Generally, so long as she was armed she didn't really care. It was rather amusing watching the billionaire engineer play with her staff like a kid with a new toy. 

Having completed her self appointed task, Nikita packed all her gear back into the duffel then settled back in her chair to watch the show. Darcy and Tony were enthusiastically watching the contestants attempt to make outfits from unconventional materials. Tony kept coming up with ideas and shouting them at the screen. One of the contestants started to cry, complaining about how hard it was. "Try building an arc reactor and a flying metal suit out of scraps in a cave," scoffed Tony. At Nikita's questioning look he related what she figured was a rather abridged story of building the first Iron Man suit.

By the time Steve and the other residents arrived on the common floor for dinner Tony and Darcy had decided that they needed to get the show to do a super hero episode using the Avengers as models and Tony as a guest judge. Imagining each of the Avengers in turn walking down the runway had Tony and Darcy laughing uncontrollably. Nikita hid her smile behind a drink of her soda.

******************************************************************************************  
Tony was building some new equipment for Jane. Darcy was in the workshop helping Tony put on the finishing touches, which meant they were gossiping about the residents of the Tower and the rest of the Avengers family. Of course the talk turned to their newest resident assassin. They remarked on how quiet she is, even quieter than Bucky had been when he first arrived at the Tower. "She reminds me of James," Darcy remarked. "Quiet, but I'm sure there's some wicked humor in there."

"Well she certainly has the same fashion sense," Tony joked. "We have to do something about that. I mean she wears the same outfit every day."

"Ooh," exclaimed Darcy, "we totally need to go shopping!!"

"Slow down there Speed Racer," snarked Tony, "Much as I wouldn't mind seeing her take out a few, I don't think we need to test out how she'll react to the paparazzi just yet. Why don't you take her, then we can do a fashion show in the penthouse," as he handed Darcy a black amex.

"Project Runway, Avengers Edition," enthused Darcy. "I get to be Heidi, which totally makes you Tim Gunn."

"Make it work!" declared Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am faced with a dilemma. I don't think Bucky will be okay with Darcy going out alone with Nikita. But who should go with them? Sam? Clint? Someone else? Leave a comment if you have any suggestions.


	12. Ducky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His beautiful girl always saw the best in everybody, deftly sidestepping the darker parts of them to connect to what she insisted was the goodness at their core. She insisted that glimmer of good was the truth of a person and the rest didn't matter to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Ducky smut, I couldn't help myself.

Bucky didn't want her to go.

In the Tower was one thing, JARVIS was always monitoring and there was always someone around even if they weren't in the same room. But out in the city, alone with the assassin, there was no one to protect Darcy.

Oh he knew he was being hypocritical, but he couldn't help it. He saw too much of himself in Steve's sub. Which was of course why Darcy was drawn to her, wanted to befriend her. His beautiful girl always saw the best in everybody, deftly sidestepping the darker parts of them to connect to what she insisted was the goodness at their core. She insisted that glimmer of good was the truth of a person and the rest didn't matter to her.

Hell, the girl still insisted that he himself was a good man. No one else would call the Winter Soldier a good man, not even Steve. He would say Bucky was a good man, but he would be thinking of the man he once was, not the man he was now.

Only Darcy could look at him as he is now and insist that he was good.

He just couldn't get the image of the first time he saw Nikita out of his mind. Sitting there surrounded by bodies. It reminded him of his own rampage against HYDRA before he had been ready to come in.

He had been quiet when he first came to the Tower, and the others had been wary of him, even Steve. But not Darcy. No, she had snarked at him, teased and laughed. Eventually she and Steve managed to draw him out bit by bit.

He remembered the moment they bonded. He hadn't been sleeping well and found himself in the sitting area of the Common Floor, alone in the dark. Darcy had wandered in after a late night of hanging out with Jane in the lab.

_She turned on the light in the kitchen and spotted him sitting there. "Can't sleep?" she asked._

_Bucky just looked at her, wondering that she wasn't afraid of being alone with him in the dark. She should be. Darcy puttered around in the kitchen, babbling all the while about how sometimes it's hard for her to unwind and sleep after binging on caffeine and pulling all nighters with Jane in the lab. She crossed over to where he was sitting, carrying two mugs of cocoa and handing him one. "Cocoa helps," she said, "drink up."_

_They sat together in the dark. Bucky found himself silently drinking his cocoa watching her beautifully expressive face, captivated as she chattered on and on about what she and Jane had been doing in the lab. Surprisingly, her chatter seemed to soothe something inside of him. When she had finished her cocoa, Darcy got up and headed back into the kitchen. Bucky found himself following her into the kitchen._

_She hadn't heard him enter the kitchen behind her, when she turned around after putting her mug in the sink she came up against the solid wall of his chest._

_He was wearing just sleep pants with no shirt. She had found it difficult to keep her eyes off of him, hence the babbling. Her hands immediately came up to his chest, splayed out to touch as much skin as possible._

_They both stared at each other as they felt the bond lock into place. Bucky reached his flesh and bone hand up to gently cup her face, tilting it up to meet his in a kiss full of longing. The kiss started slow and sweet but soon turned intense and heated._

_Darcy broke away, gasping for breath, her hands braced against his chest as if to hold him back. "Whoa there big guy," she said breathlessly. "It's not that I'm not totally on board, because I am SO on board. But we both really need some sleep because I don't think either of us is firing on all cylinders at the moment."_

_Bucky searched her upturned face, still finding no traces of fear. He nodded and took a step back, turning to leave. Darcy reached out and grabbed his hand, "I said we needed to sleep, I didn't say it had to be alone."_

_Darcy led Bucky to her room, pulling him down into the bed with her. He wrapped her carefully in his arms and slept peacefully for the first time since before the war._

"Please," Darcy asked, "I promise I'll stay safe and take my taser." She knelt naked before him in their bedroom with her hands clasped behind her back, her big brown eyes full of promise.

And how could Bucky say no when she pleaded so beautifully? He reached down carding his right hand gently through her hair before grabbing a fistful. He crouched down in front of her pulling her head back by her hair, exposing her throat.

Darcy gasped at the pleasure/pain that jolted down her spine as he deliberately placed his metal hand around her neck, gently squeezing. As always he was awed by the total love and trust in her eyes as she gazed up at him. He removed the hand from her neck and stood, slowly pulling her to her feet by the hand in her hair.

He leaned in, pressing his lips to the alabaster column of her neck and sucking a dark mark into her flesh. He pushed her back onto their bed, covering her body with his own. He placed her hands on the metal railing of the head board, "Don't let go," he commanded.

Darcy gripped the railing tight as his hand trailed down the side of her face to run along her jaw. He lowered his mouth down to hers, using the hand gripping her chin to open her mouth, sweeping his tongue inside. He dominated her mouth with his tongue.

Bracing himself with his metal arm, he moved his other hand from her jaw down to caress her breast. Breaking the kiss he lowered his mouth to her other breast, capturing the nipple between his teeth, biting down then laving it with his tongue, eliciting a throaty moan from her.

He wedged a knee between her thighs, widening them enough for him to trail his hand down to her core. He parted her folds with his fingers, feeling her wet and ready for him. Bucky rose up, pulling his sleep pants down and off. He held her down by his metal hand on her hip while his other returned to torment the pearl at her core, working his fingers into her tight, moist heat.

Darcy moaned as the pleasure built, trying to roll her hips but held still by his iron grip, pressing finger shaped bruises into her skin. Desperate cries filled the room as her back arched taught as a bowstring. Panting for breath, Darcy's head thrashed from side to side as she desperately fought not to come without permission. Soon she was floating as she gave herself over to his control completely.

Finally Bucky wedged his hips between her thighs. Placing both hands on her hips he tilted them up as he entered her in one smooth thrust. He set up a brutal pace, both of their pleasure building exponentially with each thrust. "Come for me beautiful," he growled into her ear as he bit down on her shoulder.

Darcy came with a loud cry, stars sparking behind her closed eyes. Bucky fucked her through her climax before taking his own release with a final thrust, grinding into her body until they were both spent.

Bucky lowered her hands from the headboard, gently rubbing them to alleviate any muscle strain. He gave her a lingering heart felt kiss before heading to the bathroom. He returned with a damp cloth, gently cleaning her off before cleaning himself as well. He grabbed a bottle of gatorade from the mini fridge, placing it on the bedside table. Climbing back into the bed, Bucky sat up against the headboard, gently pulling Darcy up to lean against him. He reached for the bottle of gatorade holding it to her lips, urging her to drink as he petted her hair gently, whispering words of praise and love. Once Darcy had finished most of the bottle he stayed propped up with her in his arms, gently stroking his hands over her skin with soft comforting touches as she slowly came back to herself.

Finally she looked up at him with a clear eyed gaze and a smile saying, "I love you."

"Love you too Doll," Bucky responded with a tender kiss to her temple.

"So," Darcy began with a mischievous grin, "can I go?"

Bucky sighed. He was still concerned, but he knew there was no way he could deny her anything. "Yes," he relented, "but only if you take Hawkeye."

She leaned up to plant a soft kiss to his jaw, "Thank You." He only grunted in response and rolled his eyes in a show of mock exasperation.

Bucky lay awake for a while after Darcy had drifted off to sleep, listening to the steady beat of her heart. Before he drifted off himself it occurred to him that anyone who thought Doms had the power in a relationship was clearly an idiot.


	13. Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikita looked at Darcy, sensing no malice in her expression. She considered keeping her silence, but at the moment she was heartily sick of it.

The next morning Darcy waylaid Clint after breakfast, asking him to go with her to take Nikita out shopping. His initial reaction was not only no, but "hell no, I do not need to spend a whole day holding your purse while you girls shop."

"No purse holding I swear," Darcy promised. "I mean, I don't think Nikita even owns a purse. Tony gave me his Amex, the black one. We can stop at FAO Schwarz and you can pick out some stuff for the kids, and you can pick the place for lunch."

"Why me?" asked Clint.

"Bucky won't let me go unless you come too," admitted Darcy.

Clint could understand Bucky's reluctance to let Darcy take Nikita downtown alone. He didn't think Nikita would deliberately harm Darcy, but who knew what situations might set her off? He vividly remembered their first meeting with her, surrounded by bodies, and knew that he would tag along to protect Darcy. The young sub had become like a little sister to him. Like Tony, Darcy was fiercely loyal and determined to take care of those that she considered family. The generous hearted subs had adopted all of the Tower residents, turning them into a makeshift family. Clint could tell by the expression on Darcy's face that she was beginning to put Nikita in that category.

"Please," Darcy whined, giving him her best puppy dog eyes. "I'll make the spicy caramel bacon popcorn for you."

Ugh, Clint could not resist those puppy dog eyes. Of course, to be fair no one else could either. "No fair, you know I can't resist the bacon caramel popcorn," Clint relented.

"Great!," she enthused. "I'll Shanghai Nikita and meet you in the garage. Tony said we can take one of his cars and a driver."

"Dude, if I gotta go with you guys I'm gonna drive. And I get to pick the car," Clint said with a wicked grin.

******************************************************************************************

After breakfast Nikita settled into the sitting area of the Common Floor with a book. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was on Steve's list, so they were both reading it. She had just started to get into it when Darcy strode out of the elevator. 

Darcy told Nikita that Tony had asked her to do some shopping and run some errands. She wanted Nikita to go with her, insisting that Tony was happy to pay for anything they wanted and that she needed another girl with her, otherwise she would just be stuck with Clint. Nikita didn't particularly have any desire to go shopping but she did enjoy Darcy's company and Steve did want her to socialize.

After informing JARVIS of their plans, Darcy and Nikita met Clint in the garage. It was full of high-end cars. Clint led them over to a silver 2009 Alfa Romeo 8C Spider. Before getting into the car Clint unfastened the kevlar strap from around his neck, winding it around his wrist. He looked at Nikita over the roof of the car, "Almost no one outside of the Tower knows about my family. I will do whatever I have to to keep them safe."

Nikita met his intense gaze and solemnly nodded. This seemed to satisfy Clint who put on his sunglasses and got into the car.

Their first stop was FAO Schwarz. While Clint shopped with Darcy's enthusiastic help, Nikita browsed the shelves. Her attention was caught by a model car experiment kit. It had experiments to build fuel cells using solar energy to separate water into hydrogen and oxygen. She thought of Thomas, the little boy from the church orphanage. He had chattered excitedly about science while she was cleaning him up. She thought that he would like it. Darcy found her looking over the kit. "Taking up an interest in science?" she asked.

Nikita looked at Darcy, sensing no malice in her expression. She considered keeping her silence, but at the moment she was heartily sick of it. "For a friend, at Steve's church," she explained.

"Cool, you should get it," Darcy said with a bright smile. 

"I think I will," Nikita replied, her smile was a shy small thing compared to the other girl's but it was a smile nonetheless.

At the check out Darcy produced the black Amex card, causing a flurry of activity. Their purchases were quickly wrapped up with the promise that they would be delivered directly to the Tower.

Next, Darcy took them on a whirlwind of shopping. Store after store of clothes, each more ridiculous than the last. Nikita was glad that she had found her voice, because she needed it to veto Darcy's fashion choices. Eventually Nikita allowed her to purchase several pairs of jeans and a few v-necked cashmere sweaters. Darcy also chose about a dozen Avengers themed designer tee shirts, much to Clint's amusement. Like the toys, they had these purchases delivered to the Tower as well.

By this time it was almost 3 in the afternoon so they decided to break for lunch. True to her word Darcy let Clint pick the restaurant, so they found themselves in a steak house. "So tell me about your friend from church," demanded Darcy.

Nikita told them about meeting Thomas at the church. About how the little boy refused to give in to the Dom bullies. Her stepping in and treating his cuts and scrapes while he chattered on and on. Clint snorted coke out his nose. At their questioning looks he explained that Nikita had used a basin of holy water for first aid, which of course caused Darcy to snort with laughter. 

Once they had calmed down Darcy asked Nikita, "So, like what do you do for fun?" 

Nikita shrugged, "I read mostly, at least until Bruce clears me to start training."

"So that's it," Darcy asked incredulously, "just reading and training?"

Nikita just shrugged, a little concerned at the intent look in Darcy's eyes when the other girl announced, "I am going to find you a hobby!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spicy Caramel Bacon Popcorn
> 
> 5-6 slices of bacon  
> Nonstick cooking spray  
> 3 tablespoons vegetable oil  
> 1/2 cup popcorn kernels  
> 1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda  
> 3/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper  
> 3 cups white granulated sugar  
> 3 tablespoons unsalted butter  
> 2 teaspoons fine sea salt
> 
> 1\. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with parchment and lay bacon side-by-side. Transfer baking sheet to hot oven and cook bacon for 15 minutes, and until crispy and brown. Remove and place on paper towels to drain. When cool, cut into dice-sized pieces.
> 
> 2\. Lightly coat two large heatproof rubber spatulas and a large mixing bowl with nonstick cooking spray. In a large saucepan or pot with a lid, heat the vegetable oil over medium-high heat. Add the popcorn kernels, cover, and keep the saucepan moving until all of the kernels have popped, about 4 minutes. Transfer the popped popcorn to the large prepared bowl, removing any unpopped kernels.
> 
> 3\. In a small bowl, whisk together the baking soda and cayenne pepper. In a medium saucepan, combine the sugar, butter, salt, and 1/2 cup water. Cook over high heat, without stirring, until the mixture becomes a light golden-yellow caramel, about 10 minutes. Remove from the heat and carefully whisk in the baking soda mixture (the mixture will bubble up). Quickly fold in bacon bits. Pour the caramel over the popcorn and toss, like a salad, until all of the popcorn is evenly coated with the caramel.
> 
> 4\. Pour the popcorn onto a large baking pan and quickly flatten and separate it into small pieces while it is still warm. Cool to room temperature, about 15 minutes. Once it is cool, store it in a well-sealed airtight container.


	14. Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve had the distinct feeling that this was the Nikita who had belonged to Volkov. The realization made him sick to his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter followed me down a dark alley and mugged me in my sleep.

The last few days without Steve had been strange. Nikita was used to always being with her Dom, with Volkov, either acting as a body guard and awaiting orders or carrying out those orders. Normally she would only have been given a few days to rest from her injuries before being back to serving her Dom. But Steve was different, he wanted her to heal before training with the Avengers. So Nikita found herself at loose ends during the day, usually reading or watching TV with Darcy who seemed to be obsessed by Food Network at the moment. 

The days when Steve had stayed home had been different. His attention and constant small touches were disconcerting, but Nikita found that she missed them when he was gone. He came back to the Tower each evening and they shared dinner with the rest of the Tower residents after which they either stayed on the Common Floor to watch movies or would retreat to their apartment to do something from Steve's list. 

Now all but the worst of her wounds were healed. Bruce had examined the stab wound in her side and declared that it was healed enough for careful training and light conditioning, but no sparring or combat yet. So today Nikita was joining Steve at the Avengers Initiative. Clint was flying them in the quinjet along with Natasha and Bucky. 

Steve gave Nikita a tour of the facility, introducing her to War Machine, Quicksilver, and the Scarlet Witch, all recent addictions to the Avengers. War Machine was Lt. Colonel James Rhodes, the Dom served as liaison between the Avengers and the US Military and was also Tony's best friend since college. He hadn't been to the Tower since Nikita had arrived because he had been busy with missions for the Air Force. The Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver were a pair of young sub twins named Pietro and Wanda, both un-collared. Pietro was brash and mischievous, reminding her a bit of Darcy, while Wanda seemed more quiet and shy. 

Steve left Nikita at the gym while he took Sam, Rhodes, Pietro, and Bucky to run battle drills out on the grounds. Natasha was in a meeting with Fury and Tony, who had flown over in the Iron Man suit. Apparently they were expecting the new Director of Shield, Coulson, along with a few of his agents for a big meeting later.

While Clint was teaching Wanda some basic hand to hand in the center of the gym, Nikita went to the locker room to get ready for a little work out. Keeping her BDU pants and combat boots Nikita exchanged her long-sleeved Henley for a black tank-top, embellished with a sparkly picture of Iron Man because Tony had a sense of humor and had ordered a dozen delivered after seeing the tee-shirts Darcy had picked out for her. She left her body armor, staff, and several of her knives (though she was still far from unarmed) in her gym bag which she brought out with her. The gym was a huge open room dotted with steel pillars holding up the roof filled with weights and exercise equipment, sparring mats, heavy bags, speed bags, and a boxing ring. First Nikita stretched out all of her muscles, loosening them up, before jogging a few warm up laps along the track around the gym. 

After taping up her hands Nikita sidled up to one of the heavy bags at the far end of the room. She started slow and easy, testing her body, discovering her new range of motion. She grimaced at the first spike of pain from the wound in her side and backed off a little, but not much. Careful of her side, she tried a few combinations and kicks, short jabs, cross, bobs and weaves -slowly, pushing through the pain, gritting her teeth. Nikita lost herself in the rhythm of her fists and feet against the bag, the pain helping to center her body while her thoughts swirled. 

This was the first time since coming to the Tower that she felt on familiar ground. This is what she did, what she was good at, what she was for. But she was still unsettled. She could't help but feel that she isn't really needed for this. After all, Steve is surrounded by geniuses, people with enhanced abilities and tech. So what is her role? What does her Dom want from her? She doesn't fully understand what is expected of her and she understands even less of what she can expect from him in return. 

In her periphery Nikita noticed Natasha enter with a small group of people. Realizing that her thoughts were just chasing each other around her brain, Nikita decided to start her cool-down. She slowed her movements, gradually bringing down her heart rate and respiration.

Natasha was escorting SHIELD Director Coulson and a couple of his agents on a tour of the Avengers Initiative facility while they waited for Steve and Rhodes to return from their training exercise. Clint and Wanda paused in their training to join them. Coulson had brought along his protege Agent Skye, Agent Melinda May and Agent Tyler. They were planning a strategy session to get the new SHIELD, the Avengers Initiative, Stark Industries, and the US Military on the same page to more effectively deal with HYDRA and other threats. Coulson also wanted Agent Skye to cross-train with the Avengers and to serve as liaison between them and SHIELD. The young sub had recently developed powers after exposure to an alien artifact. 

While they were all talking, Tyler found his gaze wandering over to a gorgeous blonde working on the heavy bag at the side of the room. The sub's brow was furrowed in concentration, a sheen of sweat covering her body, rivulets running between her breasts and down the center of her spine in the space between her tank top and the low waist band of her pants. He watched as she stopped working on the bag, peeling the tape off of her hands before lifting a water bottle to her lips. He wandered closer, watching as she drank down the liquid then used a towel to wipe the sweat from her face and chest. Seeing no collar on her, Tyler decided to try his luck.

Clint noticed Agent Tyler wandering over towards Nikita. He could tell from his body language that agent was interested in her as a sub. Fully aware that no good could possibly come from this situation Clint began to move towards them, hoping to head the Dom off.

Nikita noticed the Dom heading towards her. He met her eyes before deliberately raking his gaze over her body. He straightened his spine, squaring his shoulders, drawing himself up into a fully Dominant posture as he approached her. She shoved her water bottle and towel into her bag, intending to leave before the Dom reached her.

As she turned away from him, Tyler reached out to stop her, grabbing her right shoulder with his right hand. Nikita immediately grabbed his right wrist with her left hand as she brought the heel of her right hand up to shatter his elbow. Letting go of his wrist she spun around, driving her left elbow to his face, breaking his nose. Nikita simultaneously pulled one of her hidden knives with her right hand pressing the blade to his throat as she shoved him up against one of the steel pillars.

Clint reached them just as Nikita shoved Tyler into the steel pillar, the blade at his throat causing a thin red line to travel down his neck. Clint held a hand out, gesturing for everyone else to stay back. He carefully stepped closer, placing himself in Nikita's line of sight. Her eyes were glassy and her breathing was fast and shallow, he wondered if she even knew where she was. If she didn't things could get very bloody, very fast.

"Easy there kiddo," Clint soothed in a low voice. "Can you tell me where you are?"

Nikita's breathing started coming faster and a fine tremor developed in her hands, causing her to press the blade more firmly against Tyler's throat. 

Clint watched with concern as the blade bit a little more deeply into the agent's throat. Of course this would have to happen to Nikita in a new place without her bonded Dom close at hand, and just his luck to be the one to have to deal with it. "Can you tell me who I am?" he tried again.

Nikita took a deep shuddering breath. "Clint," she responded after a long moment.

"That's right kid," Clint affirmed. "We're in the gym at the Initiative."

"Avengers," she responded, her eyes beginning to clear.

"Yes, remember we're the good guys now," Clint continued. "And the good guys don't kill if they don't have to."

Nikita met Clint's eyes, seeing the concern there. She was surprised to realize that concern was actually for her. She swallowed down the bile that wanted to rise in her throat as she fully took in the reality of her situation. She removed the knife from the Dom's throat, shoving him to the ground as she stalked out of the room. Clint grabbed her gym bag and followed.

Clint managed to steer Nikita into Steve's empty office room. He raided the mini fridge finding a bottle of gatorade and a chocolate power bar, placing them on the desk in front of her. He stayed with her, positioned in front of the door, as her breathing evened out and she stopped shaking.

******************************************************************************************

The Avengers were in high spirits as they headed back to the Initiative building. Tony had flown out to join their battle drills, deciding that it would be fun for Iron Man and War Machine to team up as the op 4 (Opposition Force, see Tony can totally rock the lingo when he wants to) against the others. After that Steve decided that they should practice fighting with unfamiliar teammates so the next few rounds consisted of Iron Man, Falcon, and the Winter Soldier against Captain America, Quicksilver and War Machine. It had been good training and a lot of fun, Steve was also glad that Tony seemed to be easing back into the field after his self-imposed hiatus.

As they neared the building Steve was hit hard with a wave of rage through the bond and he knew that something had set off his sub. As he hurried towards the gym where he had left her, he was stopped by a shout from Fury. "Rogers!" shouted the former Director. "Did I not make it clear that you would be responsible for the actions of your sub?" he demanded.

"Yes," Steve acknowledged, "What happened?"

"What happened is that your girl attacked a SHIELD agent," Fury growled, "she would have killed him if it weren't for Barton! He's got her in your office." 

That didn't sound like the whole story to Tony so he suggested that Steve go check on Nikita before joining them in the conference room for the meeting.

That feeling of rage through the bond kept roiling in the back of Steve's mind as he headed to his office. 

As Nikita's body settled down, her anger grew. Her rage was a molten thing seeping into every crevice of her being by the time Steve arrived. 

Clint was relieved when Steve entered the office. While he had offered what support he could, he knew that the sub needed her Dom to reassure her before she could truly be calm. Hell, she was most likely in desperate need of a drop but this was neither the time or the place. Clint quietly slipped out of the room.

Nikita felt Steve's disappointment through their bond. He launched into an incredibly earnest lecture about how she couldn't go about attacking and killing people anymore, especially not their allies. The knowledge that her Dom felt that she had failed him made that molten rage within her turn to ice.

Steve's speech faltered as he felt the change wash over him through the bond. It was then he noticed her posture and expression had changed as well. While not what anyone would call expressive, over the last two weeks she had loosened up. Steve hadn't realized just how much until it was all gone. Suddenly she was stiff and there was absolutely nothing to be read on her face. Despite the icy rage (and never before had he thought of rage as cold), her face was blank and her eyes were almost vacant. Steve had the distinct feeling that this was the Nikita who had belonged to Volkov. The realization made him sick to his stomach.

Somehow he had missed something important. Taking a shaky breath to calm his sudden nerves Steve tried to fix it. "Why did you attack the SHIELD agent?" He asked. 

Nikita didn't answer, she just stood there not moving. Steve really didn't want to use his Dom voice. Somehow he knew that if he did, if he forced her in any way, he would lose all hope of ever gaining her trust. Instead he quietly asked, "Why are you angry?"

When she still didn't answer he tried one last time, "What can I do for you?"

That got a reaction. That vacant gaze instantly sharpened, the icy blue cutting into him. Though he could feel her rage through the bond Steve was completely unprepared for the venom dripping in her voice when she answered.

"What exactly is the point of you?" Nikita snarled viciously, "What is the point of any of this? The only reason to belong to a Dom, to let a Dom touch me, is to keep all the other Doms off of me. I am no safer with you than I would be with SHIELD or out there on my own."

At that she turned to leave. Steve instinctively reached out, desperate to stop her. Nikita whirled around, slashing a deep gash in his arm with her knife. "Do. Not. Touch. Me!" She threw open the door and stalked out the office. 

Steve stood in the doorway and watched her leave, his heart sinking with every step that took her away from him. Clint had never left the hallway and had clearly heard every word. He looked pointedly at the bleeding gash on Steve's arm which, even with the healing properties of the serum, would take a while to heal. 

"Respectfully Cap," he said, "You're an idiot." With that he went to find Nikita and try to mitigate the damage.


	15. Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikita watched through the scope of a sniper rifle as her target exploded.
> 
>  
> 
> Tony's plans had a tendency to either go very right or very very wrong, like disastrously wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little chapter to tide us over while I work on the next bit.

Natasha was waiting in the hallway as Steve headed to the conference room. She eyed him critically. "Looks like you stepped on a land-mine," she commented with a pointed glance at his still bleeding arm.

Steve and Natasha were the last to enter the conference room. Fury, Coulson, Skye, May, Tony, and Rhodes were already gathered. Before Steve could take his seat, Coulson approached him, "Captain Rogers, before we get started I just wanted to apologize for Agent Tyler's behavior and to assure you that he will no longer be employed as an agent of SHIELD. He touched a clearly unwilling sub. I will not tolerate that type of behavior in my organization and I won't have it around my team."

Anger flared within Steve, hot and bright. "He did what?" Steve asked in a deadly voice.

Tony was far more ready to believe Agent's (Director Agent's?) version of events than Fury's. He decided that they all needed to know exactly what happened so he asked JARVIS to pull up the security feed of the incident. It came as a surprise to no one who knew the billionaire that he had installed access for his AI to the Initiative's systems when he built the complex. JARVIS pulled up the feed, projecting it onto a screen at the front of the room. 

Steve watched in growing anger as the arrogant Dom approached Nikita. He could clearly see her try to leave, turning her back to the Dom. The swift violence of her reaction to the unwanted touch stirred something dark within him, pleased that she submitted to his touch alone. Or had. Steve knew he had a lot of ground to make up with her. Then his stomach dropped as he saw and heard Clint talk her back from wherever her mind had gone. Based on the information he gleaned from the files Natasha had provided him, this was a reaction to the childhood trauma he just barely understood. And instead of reassuring her, making her feel safe, Steve had blamed Nikita for the incident.

Steve turned hard eyes on Fury, "You told me she attacked the agent."

"She did," Fury insisted. "She overreacted."

"Are you kidding me!" demanded Skye. "Tyler tried to Dominate her. He all but used Voice even after she tried to get away, which I'm sure would have been his next move. You have no idea what that's like! She was defending herself!" The sub was clearly distressed and, Steve suspected she was speaking from past experience.

"It's okay Skye," placing a hand on her shoulder Coulson spoke in a soft yet confident voice. "I will never let that happen to you again."

"I know AC," she responded looking up at the older Dom with a watery smile.

Tony was appalled at the video, and not because of Nikita's actions. Tony deduced from the looks passing between Steve and Natasha that the good Captain had royally fucked up. Quickly formulating a plan, he shot off a few quick texts putting it in motion. Though he never spoke of it, Tony had sort of adopted the other Avengers and he already considered Nikita part of that family. He was also rapidly developing a soft spot for young Skye. The sub was brilliant, irreverent, and willing to go toe to toe with Fury. She reminded Tony of himself. He made sure to offer their new SHIELD liaison an invitation to the Tower to meet the rest of the team, which she gladly accepted.

"Touching as all this is," Fury interrupted, "can we please get some actual work done?"

Everyone allowed the deflection as they all had their own reasons for wanting to get this meeting over with.

When the meeting was over, Coulson stopped Steve, "Captain, a word if you don't mind?"

Steve stayed back, waiting until he and Coulson were the only ones left in the room before speaking. "What can I do for you Director?"

"Please, call me Phil," he said with a smile. "I wanted to ask you if Nikita was okay. If you have no objections, I'd like the chance to apologize to her directly."

Steve sighed, "She's really not okay, but that's my fault. I have no objection to your apologizing, but you'll have to talk to Clint for that, she's not talking to me right now."

"That's unfortunate," Coulson commented. "You know, I've made a career out of handling volatile subs like Barton and Stark. Now I have three young subs on my team, two genius scientists and a genius hacker with earthquake powers strong enough to level a mountain. They've taught me how important it is for subs to bond with other subs. The bonds between the three of them have kept the team together when everything else was falling apart around us. I just try to give them a safe place to do their thing. Over the years I've learned that the most important thing for a sub is that they know that you are always on their side, no matter what. Even when they've done something wrong, you have to have their back and help them through it. And when you make a mistake you have to own up to it and try to make it right."

Steve digested that for a moment, then he had to ask. "How did you handle Stark?"

"I threatened to taze him and watch Super Nanny while he drooled on the carpet," Coulson answered with a small smile as they left the room.

******************************************************************************************

Nikita watched through the scope of a sniper rifle as her target exploded. Next to her Clint used the control app on his StarkPhone to instruct a drone to set up another row of explosive targets 2,000 yards out. She had slowly worked her way up to longer and longer distances over the last few hours they had been out here. The focus and control required to make the precision shots, as well as the satisfaction of making things explode, helped her calm down and clear her mind. After making each of the current row of targets explode, Nikita put down the rifle. Clint took the weapon. leading the way back to the armory to secure it. 

Clint read the text from Tony. On one hand he was relieved that someone else was taking charge of this situation, emotional crises were so not Clint's bag. On the other hand he was a little apprehensive, Tony's plans had a tendency to either go very right or very very wrong, like disastrously wrong.


	16. Slumber Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Certain Doms have been pissing some of us off, so I've made the executive decision that we could all use some time in a 'Dom-free zone'. They can all just deal without us for a while."
> 
> "And they're all just going to be fine with that?" Bruce asked with a sidelong glance at Nikita, clearly referring to Steve.
> 
> Tony's smile took on a shark-like quality as he answered, "My house, My rules."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a flashback of sexual assault and graphic violence. If you don't want to read that, skip the part in italics.

Using the Iron Man suit, Tony headed back to the Tower to prepare for the arrival of the others. Throughout the meeting he had been steadily texting back and forth with Darcy, the two of them having decided to call an emergency meeting of the Sassy Sub Club (so he was the only one who called them that, Tony was determined that it would catch on eventually).

The ride back to the Tower was full of awkward. Natasha sat up front with Clint piloting, leaving Skye to sit in the back of the quinjet with Nikita, Captain America, and the Winter Soldier. Skye wasn't entirely sure what had gone down between Nikita and the Captain, but it was clear that she was royally pissed off at him.

Nikita had nothing to say as she boarded the quinjet, to anyone. She kept as much space between herself and Steve as possible. Her anger had burned itself out, leaving Nikita feeling empty and a little lost. For the first time since they bonded, the blankness of her affect accurately reflected the emotions he felt coming from her. That concerned Steve more than even her violent anger.

JARVIS' voice filled the Common Floor as they entered, "Miss Nikita, Miss Skye, and Mr. Barton - Sir has requested that you meet him in the penthouse."

Tony greeted them as they exited the elevator to the penthouse, instructing JARVIS to enact the 'Sassy Sub Club Protocol'. "What? It's a thing," he declared as Clint raised an eyebrow and Skye giggled. Minutes later Darcy herded Bruce out of the elevator, both dressed in sleepwear, and Tony introduced them to Skye as they all settled into the siting area. "Certain Doms have been pissing some of us off, so I've made the executive decision that we could all use some time in a 'Dom-free zone'. They can all just deal without us for a while."

"And they're all just going to be fine with that?" Bruce asked with a sidelong glance at Nikita, clearly referring to Steve.

Tony's smile took on a shark-like quality as he answered, "My house, My rules."

Darcy coaxed Nikita into the bathroom where she showered while the other girl chattered away. Nikita stood under the spray, letting the water wash away the dried sweat and blood that she had been carrying for most of the day. Clint's target practice had helped Nikita begin the process of calming and centering. Darcy's chatter was a reassuring presence filling the room and helping to draw her the rest of the way out of her head and back to herself. After her shower Nikita dressed in the tee shirt and sleep pants Darcy had brought for her, listening as the other girl explained that this was basically going to be a sub slumber party, and they joined the others. While the two of them had been in the bathroom, Tony, Skye and Clint had also changed into sweats.

Darcy had made a massive batch of Clint's favorite spicy caramel bacon popcorn, baked tons of chocolate chip cookies and brownies and ordered every kind of snack she could think of. Darcy had vetoed Tony's plans to get everyone drunk, the last thing they needed was to potentially set Nikita off again. So instead she had ordered carafes of different flavors of gourmet cocoa and a selection of herbal teas (mostly for Bruce).

They snacked and watched guilty pleasure movies: Last Action Hero, Dark Star, Flash Gordon, Beastmaster, Tango & Cash, Snakes on a Plane (anyone else think that guy looks like Fury?). Darcy pulled out a case of different colors of nail polish which she and Skye enthusiastically used to paint each others' toenails. The two of them then cajoled the guys into allowing their toenails to be painted as well, Tony of course didn't take much convincing once Darcy pulled out red and gold Iron Man colors.

Eventually, relaxed with laughter and copious amounts of chocolate, the conversation turned to Doms. Tony was the first to share. "I took my first collar in college, at MIT. I was 15 and got invited to a frat party. Before that I'd gone to boarding school where Doms and subs were strictly segregated. So I went to this party and a couple of Doms started flirting with me. They kept mixing me drinks and got me pretty hammered. I don't really remember much after that until I woke up with one hell of a hangover in a strange Dom's dorm room. It was Rhodey. Turns out he had spotted one of the guys spiking my drink with something and came to my rescue. After that he looked out for me and I tutored him. He gave me a collar to keep unwanted Doms away from me, but we never had a thing. I wore it all through college and we've been best friends ever since."

"So when did you and Pepper bond?" Darcy asked.

"Funny story, she actually worked for me for years before we bonded. It wasn't until after Afghanistan, when I needed her help to connect the leads of the arc reactor in my chest. She was almost literally holding my heart in her hands when we bonded," Tony answered with a smile.

"I ran away," said Bruce. "I bonded with Natasha when The Other Guy attacked her on the helicarrier. We were both pretty freaked out. We started getting closer after we both moved into the Tower, but when things started to get more serious I ran. But I came back. She's the only one that can make The Other Guy calm down and feel safe enough to go to sleep."

Darcy talked about bonding with James. How she had never really been accepted or loved until Jane became her best friend, like the big sister she never had and how Thor was like the best big brother ever. She related how Thor had given Bucky the Asgardian's version of a 'shovel talk' when they first bonded. "No one had ever needed me before. I know Jane and Thor and you all care about me, but James _needs_ me."

"Well I let my first Dom, Miles, sweet talk me into joining the Rising Tide and infiltrating SHIELD to get access to their files" Skye confided with a self-depricating laugh. "The moment we were caught and things got sticky, he folded. Then there was Ward. He used to be part of our team. I thought maybe I had finally found a decent Dom, someone I could trust. He turned out to be HYDRA. He tried to kill Fitz and Simmons, kidnapped me and tried to force me to decrypt all of our files for him. For some reason Ward is obsessed with me, says he's in love with me. He keeps trying to force me into a collar no matter how many times I say no."

Clint and Nikita were looking at her with expressions of complete understanding. "It's not all bad though," Skye continued. "We've formed a weird dysfunctional sort of family out of all this. I've never had a family, grew up in foster care, but Coulson and May are like having a Mom and Dad. A really scary Mom and Dad, but they're both pretty awesome. They look out for us - me, Fitz, and Simmons. They really value us as people, not just our skills, and May is training me to fight. Speaking of which, can you show me those moves you used on Tyler?" Skye asked Nikita.

"What moves?" asked Darcy.

Tony had JARVIS cue up the footage of Nikita kicking Tyler's ass, the AI thoughtfully editing out her breakdown. Darcy decided that she really wanted to learn those moves as well, so Nikita spent the next little while teaching both girls the sequence. They practiced with her and Clint until they had the movements down well enough to practice on their own.

As they settled back down Clint decided to share a little as well, not about his current Dom and family. His collar had remained wrapped around his wrist since he left the Tower yesterday. He liked Skye well enough so far, but he didn't know her well enough to trust her with that information. Instead he talked a bit about the orphanage, running away to join the circus, and being trained by the Dom Trick Shot to be a master marksman. How Trick had Dominated him, using his sub nature against him, turning Clint into a weapon. Clint looked directly at Nikita as he related killing on the orders of a Dom who had trained him from childhood. He shared a few smiles with Skye as he related getting captured by Coulson, how the older Dom had convinced him to become one of the 'good guys'. How Coulson had never tried to Dominate him, but had instead helped him find a firm foundation to build something new, just like he was now doing for Skye.

Their honesty made Nikita want to share something of herself with them. "My father was a Bratva enforcer, like me. His boss betrayed him, killed him and took me and my mother. He was my first kill. Volkov offered me a collar, to teach me how to fight. I chose Volkov, I chose to be a killer."

"And now you choose to be one of the 'good guys'," said Darcy. The girl had somehow snuggled herself up next to Nikita and was painting her toenails.

"You know you have a choice with Captain Rogers as well," commented Skye. "Coulson would gladly take you to work for SHIELD if you wanted."

"You don't have to be with him to stay here either," Tony added. "I can set up your own apartment in the Tower."

"I don't know what I want," Nikita said with a sigh. "What's worse is I don't know what _he_ wants."

"He doesn't need a killer or a fighter, he has those all around him," observed Darcy. "He woke up to find everyone and everything he knew dead and gone. He has us now, and he got Bucky back. But I still think he's lonely."

"To us he was frozen for 70 years, for him it was a day" added Clint. "The guy stepped off of one battlefield and directly onto another. He has all these people needing him to be Captain America or Captain Rogers. I think he wants someone who just needs him to be a man, to be just Steve."

After that the evening wound down. One by one they each fell asleep in the pile of pillows, cushions, and blankets that had been built up on the floor.

_The naked girl started to slowly pick herself up off the cold concrete floor. As she began to walk painfully out of the room, something caught her attention. She stopped, her gaze riveted on the folding knife in the pocket of a pair of pants on the floor. The girl knelt down and picked up the knife. She unfolded it, the sharp edge gleaming in the low light of the basement. The girl placed the knife edge to her wrist, pressing but not yet slicing, blood starting to well up. The girl lifted the knife from her arm, and turned to look at the drunk man passed out on the bed._

_She tiptoed over to the bed, snagging a shirt off the floor as she went. She knelt beside the bed, pressed the wadded up shirt over his mouth with her left hand and sliced his throat with the knife in her right. His eyes flew open, he tried to gasp, but she pressed the shirt harder, using both hands. He tried to struggle, but was too weakened by alcohol and blood loss. It took 20 seconds for him to die and the girl watched every second as the life left his eyes. She used the knife to saw the head off, slicing and cutting until she was covered in gore. She pulled on her discarded clothing, slipping the head into a pillowcase. Then she headed up out of the basement._

Nikita woke clutching her chest as her heart pounded and struggled to catch her breath. She looked around the room, remembering where she was. At a small movement she glanced over to the corner to see Clint reclining in an armchair in the corner, keeping watch, a glimmer of light reflecting off his eyes. Next to her Darcy grabbed hold of her hand, her thumb rubbing small circles on the back of it. The room filled with the soft sounds of her friends breathing, relaxed in a tangle of limbs. Nikita slowly relaxed again, her last thought before drifting back to sleep was that she wished Steve was there to hold her.


	17. Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't have nightmares when she's here," Steve admitted.

Sam arrived at the Tower a few hours after everyone else. Normally Sam would head home to DC after spending time at the Avengers Initiative since he still had his work at the VA. But today there was another soldier who needed his help. Sam had viewed the video of Nikita and Agent Tyler, the unedited version. Adding Nikita's clear trauma to the issues that Steve was just beginning to deal with could have potentially disastrous results. Steve was definitely in over his head and Sam was determined to help his friend.

Sam found Steve and Bucky in Steve's apartment. Steve had already gotten a bit of an earful from his childhood friend. Steve's situation with Nikita had upset Darcy, and Bucky did not put up with anything upsetting Darcy. 

Steve looked up as Sam entered, "I'm really not in the mood to talk right now, Sam."

"Okay, what are you in the mood for?" Sam asked.

"I don't know," Steve sighed, rubbing his face with his hands.

The three sat in silence for a while. Finally Steve turned toward Sam. "What do you think I should do?"

"I think that if it weren't for Hawkeye, Nikita would be in the wind right now," Sam answered. "She has some trauma that you're frankly not prepared to deal with. From what I saw on that video she has some PTSD, and I know you do too."

"I'm fine," Steve protested.

"Listen to him, Punk." Bucky growled.

"If you don't get some help for both of you, you're gonna lose her," Sam insisted. "This isn't the forties, man. Bonded or not, she doesn't have to stay with you. She can leave anytime. You have to give her a reason to stay because right now I think all that's keeping her here are Darcy and Clint."

Steve let that sink in for a moment. He knew Sam was right, though he was loathe to admit it. He tried to deny that he had flashbacks and trouble sleeping, as long as he kept busy and focused on others he could keep them at bay. It was one of the reasons why he had gone to work for SHIELD and why he kept throwing himself into missions. But Nikita was too important to risk losing.

"I don't have nightmares when she's here," Steve admitted.

"That's good," Sam smiled. This was the first time Steve had admitted that he had nightmares. He thought maybe this situation with Nikita would cause Steve to finally get help with his own issues. "I know you don't like dealing with doctors, so what if I worked with you both? I have training and experience from the VA, and you know you can trust me."

"Yeah, Okay." Steve agreed.

"I'll stick around so we can talk to her when she's done hanging out with the subs, see if we can get her on board," Sam replied. 

After that they settled down to watch Blues Brother's, one of Sam's favorite movies. When the movie was over, Sam left for one of the guest rooms while Bucky headed up to his apartment. 

Before walking through the door Bucky paused and turned to Steve, "For the record Punk, I don't have the nightmares with Darcy either."


	18. Planning a Coup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper agreed with a bit of an eye roll. "But are you still okay with Steve leading the team? I know you guys are friends Tony, but I don't know if I'm comfortable with you putting your life in his hands if he won't even protect his own sub."

Soft sunlight filtered through the penthouse windows as Nikita woke. She lay still, taking a moment to catalog her surroundings. She could hear Clint, Darcy, and Tony moving around in the small kitchen of the penthouse, the smell of coffee permeating the room. She could hear deep breathing from Skye still sleeping to her left. Breathing too steady and even to be sleep was coming from across the room by the windows, most likely Bruce meditating. She opened her eyes and got up, joining the others in the kitchen. 

"Morning Sunshine!" Tony greeted with his trademark smirk, sliding a cup of coffee over to her. 

Nikita fixed her coffee and sat down next to Clint. 

"So," asked Tony, "Did we have any epiphanies overnight. Any decisions?"

Nikita looked at him over the rim of her coffee cup. "I think I'd like my own apartment," she answered.

"Done!" Tony declared. "JARVIS, make it so!"

"Right away, Sir." Responded the AI. "Sir, your breakfast order has arrived."

With that the elevator door opened to reveal a rolling table full of fresh crepes and croissants along with chocolate sauce, fresh fruits and cheeses. The smell and commotion woke Skye and pulled Bruce from his morning meditation. They joined the others in the sitting area for breakfast.

"Sir," broke in JARVIS, "Miss Potts is requesting entry to the Penthouse."

"Patch her through, JARVIS." Tony responded.

"You are now connected with Miss Potts, Sir"

"Pepper! Light of my life," Tony gushed. "No can do. This is a meeting of the Sassy Sub Club. While you have an abundance of Sass you are not, in fact, a sub. So…."

"Yes Tony, I know." Pepper replied, her voice threaded with fond exasperation. "That's why I'd like to come up and talk about what happened yesterday and how it was handled. If any of the subs on the team have concerns about their treatment at the Avengers Initiative, I need to know."

"I'll put it to a vote," Tony replied, turning to address the others. "Any objections?" He asked. The others all indicated that they had no objection to talking with Pepper, except for Nikita who remained silent, which Tony took as permission. "JARVIS, let Pepper and only Pepper come up."

"As you wish, Sir"

In a matter of moments the elevator opened and a beautiful strawberry blonde Domme strode out, impeccably dressed in a cream colored suit. She exuded authority and competence, yet her smile was warm and genuine as she greeted Tony with a kiss, "Mister Stark."

"Miss Potts," he responded with a bright smile.

She perched on the arm of the sofa that he was sitting on, placing a hand on his shoulder for balance. She greeted those that she already knew, then Tony introduced Pepper to Skye and Nikita. "Meet Baby Agent Skye and our newest Russian Assassin, Nikita."

"It's nice to meet you both," she greeted them. "As you know, I wanted to talk to you all about what happened yesterday. I understand that Agent Tyler's employment with SHIELD has been terminated. Agent Skye, had you or any other subs ever had a problem with him before?" 

"No," Skye answered. "Not that I know of. Coulson makes it pretty clear that subs on the team are off limits."

"Okay. What about Captain Rogers," Pepper turned towards Nikita. "I'm told he blamed you for the altercation?" 

"Yes." Nikita replied simply in a flat tone and if Pepper was at all disconcerted by the coldness in her eyes, she didn't let it show. A moment of awkward silence followed as everyone waited for Nikita to expand on her answer, but she stayed quiet. 

The others realized that Nikita had closed up and become tense since Pepper had entered the room. They hadn't actually realized how much she had relaxed around them, in just the company of subs. It was a subtle thing, noticed mainly in it's absence in the presence of a Dominant. Pepper was being as non-threatening as a Domme could possibly be, and there was no doubt that Nikita could have ended her life before anyone could possibly react (with the possible exception of Clint). But there was no doubt that Nikita became closed off, tense, and guarded as soon as the Domme arrived.

"Yeah, Steve screwed up," Tony injected into the silence. "But in his defense, Fury basically met us at the door, announced she had attacked a SHIELD Agent, and told Cap he was responsible."

"That doesn't excuse him from laying blame before having all the facts," Pepper asserted. "Putting that aside for the moment, what about Fury?"

Clint spoke up, "Fury doesn't trust subs he can't control. He's had a hand on my leash since day one, but subs like Bruce, Tony, and now Nikita make him uneasy. And you can bet he's working on some way to control Wanda and Pietro as well."

"So," Pepper said with a sigh, "from what I'm hearing Fury can't be trusted to treat the subs at the Initiative fairly. Which means I'll have to get rid of him."

"How exactly do you plan on doing that?" Skye asked.

"The Avengers Initiative is funded by Stark money," Pepper answered, "and as CEO of Stark Industries…."

"Yes," Tony cut in, "but it's funded by me personally, not SI. Which means I get to fire him." Tony's grin at the prospect could only be described as wicked.

"Yes Tony, you can fire him," Pepper agreed with a bit of an eye roll. "But are you still okay with Steve leading the team? I know you guys are friends Tony, but I don't know if I'm comfortable with you putting your life in his hands if he won't even protect his own sub."

"I'm not actively on the team anymore Pep," Tony insisted.

"Tony please," she responded. "We both know that you've stayed away from the team for about as long as you're capable of. It's only a matter of time before you go back out in the field again and I need to know that whoever is leading the team will be looking out for you."

Tony leaned up and gave her a tender kiss before he answered her. "He may currently be acting like an idiot, but I do trust Steve, especially out in the field."

"Clint?" she asked.

"While I agree he's being an idiot," he answered, "there's no one I would rather have leading the team."

"Bruce?" she asked next.

"Steve's a good man. I'm comfortable with him leading the team," Bruce replied.

"What about you Nikita?" Pepper asked, "How do you feel about Steve leading the team?"

"I'm not an Avenger," Nikita asserted.

"You are if you want to be," Clint corrected.

"In any case you've fought with Steve leading the team, what's your assessment?" Pepper insisted.

"His tactics are sound and he is a skilled fighter," Nikita replied in a neutral tone.

"I guess that's settled then," Tony declared. "Steve stays in command and I get to give Fury his walking papers."

"On that note, I'm heading back down to my lab since someone dragged me out of it in the middle of a project," Bruce announced with a raised eyebrow in Darcy's direction. 

"I'm gonna head out too," Clint said as he joined Bruce in the elevator.

"You know," said Tony turning towards Nikita, "You could come work for SI. We could use you in security."

Just then JARVIS broke in. "Sorry to interrupt Sir, but Director Coulson and Agent May have arrived. They are currently waiting in the Common Area."

"I should go," Skye said apologetically "it was really nice meeting you all." Before reaching the elevator she turned to Nikita, "You could come work for me. Coulson's asked me to put together a team to track powered people. We want to see if we can identify and find a way to work with the good guys, and figure out a way to stop the bad guys. I'd like to hire you as an independent contractor. You wouldn't have to answer to anyone else at SHIELD and you'd be free to leave anytime. Please just think about it."

Nikita just nodded at Skye as the elevator doors closed.

Darcy, who had been uncharacteristically quiet during all of the Avengers talk, glanced over at Tony and Pepper. She was carding her fingers through his dark curls, her perfectly manicured nails scratching along his scalp. Tony's eyes were hooded, his eyelids beginning to flutter. Darcy decided that was their cue to exit as well.

"Come on Kiddo," she enthused with a meaningful glance over at Tony and Pepper. "Let's get your stuff and I'll help you get settled in your new digs."

Following her gaze, Nikita agreed that they should take their leave. She grabbed her gym bag from the bathroom and followed Darcy into the elevator.


	19. Pepperony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thoughts constantly swirling around Tony's head never gave him any peace. He was constantly consumed by thoughts of inadequacy. He was driven by the need to be faster, stronger, to do more for the team, for the company, for Pepper. He was haunted by thoughts of what could happen to the people he cared about or was responsible for. Always chastising himself for not doing more. 
> 
> Sometimes Tony needed to be taken out of his head. And Pepper was the only one he trusted enough to do that. This was how she could take care of him, the most important way she could protect him. From himself.

Pepper carded her fingers through Tony's dark curls, her perfectly manicured nails scratching along his scalp. Tony's eyes fluttered closed as the elevator doors closed on the last of his guests.

"Privacy Mode please JARVIS," She instructed the AI.

"Right away Miss Potts," JARVIS responded, locking down the penthouse again and darkening the tint on the windows until only a soft glow of sunlight permeated the room.

Reaching out a foot Pepper snagged a pillow with her heel, pulling it closer. "Kneel, Tony." She commanded.

Tony slid gracefully to his knees on the floor next to her feet. Guiding him to rest his cheek against her thigh, Pepper continued to scrape her nails over his scalp. She wanted nothing more than to wrap Tony up in her arms and protect him from a world that seemed determined to tear him to pieces. There were limits to what she could protect him from, but what she could do was offer him love, support, and comfort. 

Very few people knew that Tony craved praise and approval, things he never got as a child. Obediah Stane had used that knowledge against Tony, had doled out praise and the approval of a father figure to manipulate him. Until Tony had realized what Stane was doing and ended him. His fear of being controlled and manipulated was one of the reasons it had taken Tony so long to truly let Pepper in, even after they bonded.

"Such a good boy Tony," Pepper said softly. "I'm so proud of you for taking care of your friends." She continued to pet and praise him as Tony relaxed deeper and deeper.

The thoughts constantly swirling around Tony's head never gave him any peace. He was constantly consumed by thoughts of inadequacy. He was driven by the need to be faster, stronger, to do more for the team, for the company, for Pepper. He was haunted by thoughts of what could happen to the people he cared about or was responsible for. Always chastising himself for not doing more. 

Sometimes Tony needed to be taken out of his head. And Pepper was the only one he trusted enough to do that. This was how she could take care of him, the most important way she could protect him. From himself.

"What's your color Tony?" She asked firmly.

"Green," he answered with a deep sigh.

Pepper stood. Hooking a finger through the D-ring on Tony's collar she gently but firmly tugged him to his feet. Keeping her hold on his collar, she led him across the penthouse to the bedroom.

"Stay," she commanded once they reached the center of the room. Pepper continued on to sit on the edge of the bed, crossing her legs and regarding Tony with a penetrating gaze. "Strip".

Tony obeyed the simple command. With deliberate movements he removed his shirt and sleep pants, folding them neatly an placing them on the floor at his feet. He stood naked, waiting for her next instruction, the arc reactor casting the room in soft blue light.

Pepper held his gaze as she removed her own clothing until she stood by the bed in only a burgundy lace bra and panties. "I picked up something new," she said as she pulled a slim box out of her bag and placed it on the bed. She crossed over to the trunk at the foot of the bed, taking out a pair of leather cuffs. Pepper fastened the cuffs to Tony's wrists, turning him until his back was to the bed and attaching the cuffs to a hook suspended from the ceiling. This position stretched Tony's body, pulling him up to stand on the balls of his feet.

Pepper walked a slow circle around Tony, trailing a nail over the lines of lean muscle. "Beautiful," she praised, admiring the sight. She crossed back over to the trunk, out of Tony's line of sight, and pulled a few more items out, placing them on the bed.

She returned to Tony. Standing in front of him, Pepper grabbed a handful of his hair in a tight fist. She pulled him forward to plunder his mouth with her tongue, forcing him to balance on his toes to maintain the contact. Her fingers ghosted from the arc reactor down to his already hard and leaking cock. She caged it in her fingertips, drawing her nails up his length with just enough pressure to ride that pleasure/pain barrier. Pepper then slid on the cockering she had been holding in her other hand. She gave his cock a few more strokes, smiling wickedly as Tony let out a whimper.

Pepper went back to the bed, opening the slim box to reveal an anal vibrator. She slathered the toy with lube, then approached Tony from behind. She placed a kiss at the nape of his neck, then bit down hard before soothing the spot with a swipe of her tongue. Pepper then ran her left hand slowly down his spine, parting his cheeks. She lined up the head of the vibrator and began to push it in with steady pressure. He tensed at the sudden intrusion, sucking in a lungful of air. Pepper steadied him with her left hand on the the small of his back. 

"You can do this, Tony." She encouraged, "Breathe for me."

Tony gave a deep, shuddering exhale. "Slow, deep breaths, Tony." Pepper instructed. He took one deep breath, then another, slowly relaxing his muscles. Tony lost himself in it, his mind occupied by nothing more than the burning stretch and Pepper's voice. She continued to exert steady pressure with a constant stream of praise and encouragement, until the vibrator was fully and firmly seated.

"Good Boy, Tony." She said, coming around to brush sweat soaked hair from his face. "You are being so good for me, doing so well." Pepper placed a warm kiss on his lips. 

"Tony, what's your color?" She asked, watching his face intently for any signs of distress. Tony was deep under, his eyes were glazed and unfocused, his voice slurred as he answered, "Green."

Pepper returned to the bed, picking up the remote control for the vibrator. She started by turning it on to the lowest setting. She watched as a shiver travelled the length of his spine. 

Pepper took her time running through all the settings on the vibrator, observing Tony's reactions. Eventually she settled on a mid-range oscillating setting, loving the way that it made him shudder moan. She dragged her nails across his back, his abdomen, and his thighs, hard enough to leave red welts behind but not enough to draw blood. 

Finally, having reduced Tony to a shuddering mess glistening with a sheen of sweat, Pepper lowered the vibrator back down to the lowest setting. She unfastened the cuffs from the hook in the ceiling, repositioning Tony's arms behind his back and securing them together. She instructed him to remove the rest of her clothing, using only his teeth, lips, and tongue - careful not to damage her favorite La Perla.

Once Tony had completed the task, she guided him down to kneel in front of her. "Make me come, Tony." She commanded. Tony went to work with his mouth on her. He licked into her core, curling his tongue around the pearl at the center. She fisted her hands in his hair with a tight grip, guiding him to achieve her own pleasure. Tony had a very talented tongue and it didn't take long for the wave of pleasure to build and crest, washing through all of her nerve endings. 

Pepper pushed Tony's face away from her while she caught her breath. She ran her nails across his scalp almost gently, praising him for a job well done. A few minutes later, she directed Tony over to the bed. She unfastened the cuffs from each other, bringing Tony's arms back down to his sides. Then she directed him to climb up on the bed and lay spread-eagled on his back. She fastened the cuffs around his wrists to each end of the headboard, then attached leather cuffs around his ankles, securing them to straps connected to the footboard. The straps were just long enough to keep from putting too much tension on his joints, but not long enough for any real range of motion.

The new position shifted the vibrator to press firmly against his prostate, making Tony gasp. Pepper cradled his face in her hands, "You are not allowed to come until I say so, Understand?" 

Tony nodded as her command penetrated the haze of subspace. Pepper straddled him, sinking down on his cock. She started by rotating her hips in a slow grind, causing the vibrator to press more forcefully against his prostate. As she sped up her movements, beginning to rise up before sinking back down on him, Pepper increased the setting on the vibrator. Soon she was riding him in earnest, chasing her own climax. She rose up, pulling off the cock ring then sinking back down until his cock was buried inside her. She worked herself on Tony's cock, setting a furious rhythm, rising up until he almost slipped out before slamming back down, jabbing the vibrator into his prostate. Pepper clenched her inner walls tightly around him as her orgasm crashed over her, her nails digging half-moons into his chest.

"Come for me Tony," she cried, dialing the vibrator to the highest setting. Tony's climax ripped through him, tearing a cry from his throat and whiting out his vision. 

When they were both spent, Pepper turned off the vibrator and gently lifted herself off of him and releasing his wrists and ankles from the restraints. She padded into the bathroom, quickly cleaning herself off and throwing on a robe before dampening a soft washcloth with warm water and snagging a bottle of juice from the mini-fridge. She returned to the bed, gently removing the vibrator from Tony, setting it aside, then she gently and thoroughly wiped him clean with the cloth. 

Pepper rubbed Tony's arms and legs, testing his shoulders and wrists to make sure there was no damage or stiffness in his joints. She lifted his head, cradling it in her hands and urged him to drink from the bottle she held to his lips. When she couldn't coax Tony to drink any more, she reached into the nightstand to retrieve a small jar of a soothing aloe cream. Pepper rubbed the cream into the welts left by her nails on his front before rolling him over to do the same to his back. 

Tony was pliant and blissed out, conscious, but barely. Pepper curled up next to Tony, covering them both with a light blanket. She continued to lovingly run her hands up and down his spine and through his hair until they both drifted off to sleep.


	20. A Helping Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Before, when you were with Volkov, what would you have done?" Steve asked.
> 
> "I would have killed him in such a way as to make an example," she answered with a hard look in her eyes.
> 
> "So before, the rules were that if a Dom touched you without your permission, you should kill them?" Steve asked to clarify.
> 
> "No," Nikita corrected, sounding confused. "I would have killed him for touching Volkov's property."
> 
> Both Sam and Steve were slightly sickened by the implications of that distinction.

Darcy and Nikita entered the apartment that JARVIS indicated had been set up for Nikita. It was on the same floor as Steve, but the AI assured Nikita that no one else had access to her apartment without her authorization. 

The first thing they noticed as they entered was a large box on the table. When Nikita opened it she found a host of new blades which JARVIS informed her were made of a new high-tech alloy with almost double the tensile strength of her old knives and which would keep their edges permanently, there appeared to be an updated version of every blade she had. 

There was also a new version of her staff made of the same alloy. It still expanded and retracted, but it was now capable of firing a series of darts which could do everything from explode, to tranquilize or shock. There was also a brand new StarkPad and StarkPhone, preloaded with the contact information of all the Avengers and Tower residents. 

The last item in the box was a new tactical vest, with reinforced panels in the sides. It was made from the same polymer as Hawkeye's suit. While JARVIS didn't say, Nikita knew that these could only be from Tony.

After checking out the rest of the apartment, and putting the new gear in her bedroom, they headed over to Steve's apartment so that Nikita could gather her things.

When they entered the apartment, Nikita was surprised to find Steve waiting in the living room with another Dom. She recalled him from the HYDRA raid, Sam Wilson aka Falcon. It was pretty obvious they had been witting for her. 

Nikita shifted forward and to her right, placing herself between Darcy and the Doms, in a move that was lost on no one. Darcy placed a hand on Nikita's shoulder and stepped around her into the room, greeting both Sam and Steve with a warm smile. "Hello boys! So Sam, are you here to help these two get their act together?" She asked him.

Sam stood and met her in the middle of the room, enfolding her in a hug. "Hey girl, looking good" he greeted her with a twinkle in his eye. "Yeah, I figured I'd come see if I can help."

"Good," Darcy said as they stepped apart. She turned back to Nikita. "Sam really helped me out a lot with Bucky," she explained. "He works with a lot of soldiers, both Doms and subs. He can help if you let him." Darcy headed towards the door. "I'm going to go check in on Bucky," she continued. "Good luck."

Nikita never took her attention from the Doms in the room, even as Darcy took her leave. She was uneasy about facing Steve after what had happened the day before. She wasn't sure how she felt about it all in the cold light of day. 

Sam sat back down, and Steve motioned for Nikita to sit in the empty armchair across from where he sat on the couch. He and Sam had talked a lot this morning about what had happened yesterday and why both Steve and Nikita had reacted the way they did.

"I need to apologize to you," Steve began. He took a deep breath before he continued. "A lot of you reminds me of Bucky. My best friend was manipulated and forced to become a killer. When I found him he tried to kill me, Natasha, and Sam. He killed a lot of good and innocent people, and for a lot of reasons I felt responsible both for what he'd done and what was done to him. Yesterday I think I was reacting more to all of that than to what was actually happening. Tyler should never have touched you and you were within your rights to stop him. I should have listened to you first and for that I am very sorry."

Nikita looked at Steve quizzically. He was…apologizing…to her. In her entire life, she had never heard a Dom apologize to a sub, and certainly never to her. She thought back to what he had said yesterday, and she couldn't really even remember anything except his disappointment. She had already been unbalanced, and that had toppled her over the edge. 

Realizing that they were waiting for a response, "Okay." She had no idea how she was supposed to react here.

Steve was listening to the bond inside his head as hard as he could. He could sense her confusion, but he was encouraged that he wasn't sensing any fear. Most importantly, there were no signs of that all-consuming rage or blank emptiness from yesterday. 

"If Nikita had used her safe-word or told you yellow or red light, would that have helped?" Sam asked Steve. Even though he was pretty sure of the answer, he wanted Nikita to realize that she had power and responsibility in this relationship as well.

"Yes," Steve answered. "I didn't realize that she was at a breaking point until it was too late." Turning back to Nikita he asked, "Can you tell me about what happened yesterday? On the feed I heard Clint ask if you knew where you were and I don't think you did."

Nikita wasn't ready to talk about that moment when she had been lost in her head and Clint had pulled her back out, so she sidestepped the question. "I don't know what the rules are, what I was supposed to do."

Steve was well aware that Nikita had avoided answering the question he was asking, but he was so relieved that she was even sitting here talking to him that he didn't want to push. "Before, when you were with Volkov, what would you have done?" Steve asked.

"I would have killed him in such a way as to make an example," she answered with a hard look in her eyes.

"So before, the rules were that if a Dom touched you without your permission, you should kill them?" Steve asked to clarify.

"No," Nikita corrected, sounding confused. "I would have killed him for touching Volkov's property."

Both Sam and Steve were slightly sickened by the implications of that distinction. 

Steve stepped into the silence, "I guess the most important question is if you are willing to give me another chance?" Steve asked, hopefully.

Nikita thought back to the night before when she had woken from a nightmare and how she had wished Steve was there. He was giving her a choice, something else she had no experience with from a Dom. She decided to test him a little. "I think so," she replied, "but I asked Tony for my own apartment."

Steve was disappointed, but he clamped down on it, not wanting to transmit it through the bond to Nikita. This disappointment was with himself and the situation, not her. 

Sam spoke up, "I think that's probably a good idea. I think Nikita, that you need a safe place of your own where you can be alone. I get the feeling that you are not used to interacting with other people, and figuring it all out can cause a lot of stress."

"That… sounds good," Steve agreed.

"I'd like to meet with you both a couple of times a week," Sam said. "So I can help you guys work things out." 

Nikita gave him a blatantly skeptical look. "Let me guess," Sam responded, "You have been numb for years. Blank, no emotion, burying your feelings so deep you couldn't find them if you tried. But now, you're beginning to feel again, remembering things you haven't thought about or felt in years."

Nikita stared at him, surprised. Now that he said it she realized that was exactly what was happening. "How do I make it stop?" She asked.

"You don't," he said almost sadly. "You have to move through it. No matter how much willpower you have to keep going, there is a line out there that if pushed across, you will not recover. You know yourself well enough to realize that if you cross that line, it will be the beginning of the end. At this moment you're walking that line like a tightrope. Steve and I want to keep you from crossing that line. I don't know all that happened to you, but I've helped a lot of soldiers who've been to hell and back. I can help you get your life under control and on the right track. But only if you let me."

Nikita took a moment to process this. What Sam and Steve were offering was a different kind of battle, and they wanted to be her allies. Also Steve obviously had his own demons to fight, and it seemed like he could use some help. He didn't need or want her to kill for him, but this she could do. She could be useful. 

"I will try," she answered.

"I know you probably want to get your stuff set up in your apartment," Steve began. "But I was wondering if we could spend some time together this afternoon? Maybe watch a movie?"

"Okay," she agreed. Nikita got up and headed to the bedroom, gathering her things in the duffel bag from the bottom of the closet. On her way back through the living room she paused.

"There was a meeting last night and Tony decided to fire Fury," she said with the small glint of humor in her eyes that Steve was grateful to see again, before turning towards the door.

"I'd better go talk to Tony," Steve said. "It's not a bad call, but we should do it together. Present a united front."

He had the distinct feeling as she closed the door behind her that that had been the exact right thing to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note regarding this and all upcoming therapy sessions. I am not a trained mental health professional. All of my knowledge comes from my own experiences with childhood trauma and PTSD, as well as my clergy training.


	21. Introspection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know you don't trust me. Hell, I know you don't trust anyone. That's not what's important right now." At this Nikita raised a single, expressive, eyebrow. "The important question is whether or not you trust yourself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A flashback of violent trauma in the middle of this chapter.

Nikita lay alone in the dark of her bedroom. Since this whole thing started with Steve she had had precious little time alone. Sam was right, she needed the solitude. Much as she didn't want to admit it, Sam was probably right about a lot of things.

_She sat in a chair across from Sam. They were alone in the living room of his apartment. She hadn't spoken much more than one word answers for the last half hour. She was here because she had promised Steve that she would give this a chance, but she had no desire to open up to some Dominant. Or anyone, really._

_"You know, this works better if you actually talk," Sam remarked. Nikita just stared back at him. "I know you don't trust me. Hell, I know you don't trust anyone. That's not what's important right now." At this Nikita raised a single, expressive, eyebrow. "The important question is whether or not you trust yourself."_

_Nikita was confused._

_"I think you are missing something fundamental about the nature of trust," Sam continued. "Part of it is trusting someone else, but the most important part is trusting yourself. Trusting in your own ability to handle what might happen. Out of curiosity, what would you do if I tried to Dominate you, put my hands on you?"_

_Nikita narrowed her eyes at him, "I would stop you, violently."_

_Sam smiled at her, "We've already established that you don't trust me. And yet you're here, alone in the room with me. You're here because you trust yourself to handle anything I might try. Steve needs to work to earn your trust, but it's even more important that you learn to trust yourself. I want you to think about your fears and then form contingency plans to handle them."_

Nikita started thinking about this new life and her relationship with Steve, about what she feared. She was afraid of being hurt, physically and sexually. But she had lived through pain and rape before. She knew that if that happened she would do what she had done before - survive, exact revenge, escape. In a way it would almost be a relief. Abuse and pain were familiar ground, she knew how to react.

What she truly feared was the bond. At first it had been muted, dulled by her numbed emotional state and pain killers. But as the drugs left her system and her emotions began to resurface, she felt the pull of the bond more and more strongly. It made her want things that she had never wanted before. She wanted Steve to touch her, she wanted to submit to him, she _wanted_ , and that terrified her. If she were being honest, Nikita was afraid of losing herself.

Thinking about the bond and Steve led her to long buried memories of her parents. Her parents had been bonded and very much in love. Her father Ivan had cherished her mother and Katya had proudly worn his collar. Nikita remembered her father as being tall, broad, strong, and Dominant. She had never felt more safe than held in her father's arms or perched upon his shoulders, and she had never felt safe again after he died. Suddenly Nikita found herself trapped in memory.

_Nikita's eight year old self stared transfixed at her father lying dead. Blood trickled from the bullet hole in the center of his forehead and his blue eyes, the same eyes she saw everyday in the mirror, stared lifelessly back at her. A cry drew Nikita's gaze to where her mother knelt, naked, next to the fireplace with her hands bound behind her back, the metal of the cuffs cutting cruelly into her skin. Her father's boss (his killer) had already removed the collar from her mother's neck. Nikita watched, frozen with fear, as the strange Dominant held a knife blade over the flames until the metal glowed hot then held the blade to her mother's throat. She heard her mother scream as the hot metal burned a line across her skin. The Dominant repeated the process, burning lines into her mother's skin over and over until Katya's neck was circled with a collar of burns. When the Dominant pushed her mother down onto the floor and unfastened his pants, Nikita screamed._

Nikita's eyes flew open. She was in a cold sweat and couldn't breathe. She was still trapped in the memory, not really aware of her surroundings. Acting on instinct, she staggered out of bed and toward the door of her apartment. Following the pull of the bond, the only part of her mind not spiraling into the pain of the past.

******************************************************************************************

Steve woke with a wave of panic and pain coming through the bond. He was on his feet and heading towards his front door before he even processed what had woken him. Throwing open the door of his apartment, Steve was shocked to see Nikita stumble through the door of her own apartment down the hall. He rushed over to her and picked her up, carrying her back through his door. He sat down on his couch, cradling her in his lap and tried to figure out what was wrong. Looking at her face Steve saw her eyes were glassy and unfocused, her breaths coming in short, harsh gasps. Clearly Nikita was not present in the here and now, she was locked somewhere inside her mind. Steve could feel through the bond the pain, fear, and panic that had her trapped.

He had no idea what exactly he was supposed to do, but he knew that he needed to get her out of her head. The only way he knew to do that was to drop her into subspace. Steve placed his hand on the back of her neck, firmly squeezing her nape. This was a classic Dominant hold, one designed to play to a submissive's instincts. Steve felt Nikita's body immediately go pliant, all resistance leaving her body, though her mind was still whirling.

"Nikita," Steve addressed her in a firm but calm tone, letting his Alpha Dominance thread through his voice. Her breath hitched and her eyes briefly flickered across his face, then glassed over again. "Nikita, down." He commanded as he applied firm pressure with the hand on her neck, the other steadying her body, guiding her to kneel on the floor in front of him. Nikita's body instinctively complying with his orders.

The demands of her Dom, his presence both physically and through the bond gave her mind something to head towards, an exit out of the spiral. Steve kept one hand on the nape of her neck, still applying that firm pressure. With his other hand he carded his fingers through her hair, guiding her head to rest against his thigh. They remained like that as Nikita's heart rate and breathing slowed, eventually settling into the deep, slow rhythm of subspace. Steve focused intently on the bond between them. He extended his will, sending reassurance and safety through the bond. He could feel Nikita's mind slowly stop whirling, sensing when she had fully dropped into subspace.

Steve's thoughts ran back to a conversation he had with Sam earlier that day about the nature and responsibility of being Dominant. Sam's words now rang in his ears as he desperately prayed that he had done the right thing.

_"The very society that taught you that it is good and right and natural to share your life with another person, never bothered to teach you how you are supposed to do that. These days we all take health classes in school. We learn about dynamics in school as well as from our parents. But you never got that did you? No one ever taught you how to be a good Dominant, and no one ever taught you what to do when things went wrong. If you think about it, no one even taught you how to define what 'wrong' was. Our society is willing to turn you loose with someone else's life, but at no time did you ever receive any systematic education about what to expect in a relationship or how to behave in one."_

Sam had promised to help, and JARVIS had provided him with a prioritized reading list.

Once Steve was confident that Nikita was fully under, he let go of her nape and pulled her up into his lap. She nuzzled into the crook of his shoulder, while he ran a broad hand soothingly up and down her spine. Steve picked his StarkPad up off the coffee table, reading from JARVIS' list as he held his sub safe in his arms.


	22. Nightwatch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve needed to prove to both Nikita and himself that he could handle the responsibility, that he could effectively take care of her when she was vulnerable both physically and emotionally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My description of subdrop only applies to the workings of this universe and is different from our own reality.

Nikita was slow to come back to herself. It was several hours before she pulled her head up from where it rested on Steve's shoulder. She looked up at him with a clear, more focused gaze. Steve could sense that, while Nikita was once again aware of her surroundings, she wasn't completely up out of subspace. Through the bond he could feel that she was still riding a bubble of calm, keeping the darkness within her mind at bay. She was still in a vulnerable, non-verbal stage of submission. One he had read about in his homework. 

With gentle fingers he brushed a few wisps of hair away from her face. Cupping her cheeks, Steve looked directly in her eyes, "I know you can't speak right now, so I need you to snap your fingers if you need to use your safeword. Understand?" 

Nikita nodded. 

"I need to hear you do it," Steve insisted.

Nikita snapped the fingers on her right hand. 

"Very good," Steve praised. "I'm going to kiss you," he stated. 

He threaded his left hand lightly through her hair and gently tipped her face up with his right hand under her jaw. Steve leaned in slowly, giving Nikita plenty of time to snap her fingers or pull back. His lips met hers with gentle pressure before pulling back. Steve searched her face and the bond for any hints of fear or trepidation but that bubble of calm was holding. 

"So good for me," Steve said reverently. Steve stroked her face with gentle fingers, placing a kiss to her forehead. He grabbed a cushion from the couch and tossed it on the floor, directing her to kneel. "Stay there, I'm going to the kitchen and I'll be right back. If you need anything, snap your fingers."

Steve rose and went into the kitchen, careful to stay in her eye line, grabbing a bottle of juice from the fridge and fixing up a platter of bite sized pieces of fruit. Steve had learned a lot from his homework. He knew that one of the risks of subspace was lowered blood sugar and dehydration, and it was important for the Dominant partner to make sure that the sub stayed safe. 

He also knew that the kiss had been a risk, but he wanted to demonstrate that he could touch her gently. He had no intention of going any further down that road, not tonight. In his research he had learned that subs in subspace not only craved touch and sexual contact, they required it. Failing to provide enough physical contact and praise would be taken as a rejection by their Dom and could easily spiral a sub into a subdrop Subdrop was an ever deepening spiral of shame and self loathing that came when a submissive felt that they had failed or been rejected by their Dominant. Though subdrop was rare outside of a bonded pair, it could actually happen anytime, especially when a sub entered subspace. Steve needed to prove to both Nikita and himself that he could handle the responsibility, that he could effectively take care of her when she was vulnerable both physically and emotionally. With that in mind, he hurried back to his sub.

Steve set the plate and glass on the coffee table and sat down on the couch in front of Nikita. Steve ran a hand through her long golden locks and praised her for kneeling exactly as he left her. Steve began hand-feeding the fruit to Nikita, occasionally holding the glass of juice up for her to drink. Steve's eyes grew hooded and his breathing heavier as Nikita instinctively licked his fingers clean after each bite, chasing the juice with her tongue. He lost himself in the experience, surprised when there was no more fruit on the plate or juice in the glass. Steve checked in with Nikita, searching her face and the bond for signs of distress, and finding only calm and contentment. "That was amazing," Steve breathed, "So perfect."

Steve helped Nikita to her feet, took her hand, and led her to his bedroom. While Steve was hard in his sweatpants, he was determined to ignore it. Now was the time to take care of Nikita's needs, not his own. He could have taken her back to her own bed but he had promised not to enter her apartment, her safe space, without her expressed consent. Something she was incapable of giving at the moment. 

He laid her down on the bed, directing her to lie on her stomach, still fully clothed in her sleep pants and tee shirt. Steve straddled her hips, carefully resting the majority of his weight on his knees. He massaged every muscle, starting with the back of her neck and working his way down to the soles of her feet. He took his time, paying special attention to the muscles in her thighs. He knew that Nikita didn't have experience kneeling and he had kept her in that position longer than he had intended or probably should have. He was also concerned that she may have pulled or strained a muscle in her panicked stumbling through the hallway. Eventually, in the small hours of the morning, the sleepless night caught up to Nikita and she fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

Once he was certain Nikita was asleep, Steve went back into the living room to retrieve his StarkPad. Steve got back in bed, propping himself up against the headboard to continue his reading. As tired as he was, he was determined to stay awake and keep watch in case Nikita needed anything.


	23. Focus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What do you need right now?" Steve asked.
> 
> Nikita rubbed her hands over her face, blowing out a breath. "Alone. I need to be alone right now." With that she got up out of the bed and left the apartment.

Nikita woke gradually, instinctively staying still and cataloguing her surroundings. She was in a familiar bed, Steve's bed. She could hear his breathing and could feel his hand on her back, his weight in the bed next to her. Though completely out of subspace, the sense of calm was still with her, which was probably a good thing since she didn't really know how she felt about last night or what to do or say now. She could read and speak four different languages (something probably only JARVIS knew as the AI was who she conversed with) but for this moment she couldn't find any words.

Steve watched Nikita wake up, paying vigilant attention to her body language and the bond for any signs of distress. He had no idea how she would react to what had happened the night before. He removed his hand as Nikita rolled over and opened her eyes, looking up at him silently. "Can you tell me what triggered you last night?" Steve asked.

"No," Nikita answered, swallowing past a lump in her throat.

"Okay," he responded. "If you don't want to talk about it I understand. But I do need to know if I did anything wrong last night, if I violated any of your limits." Steve held his breath, hoping that he hadn't screwed up by forcing her down into subspace.

"No," Nikita answered quietly. "I…it was fine…I…." She took a deep breath, "I needed it."

"What do you need right now?" Steve asked.

Nikita rubbed her hands over her face, blowing out a breath. "Alone. I need to be alone right now." With that she got up out of the bed and left the apartment.

Steve wanted to go after her and make sure she would be alright. But he had asked her what she needed, and she had actually answered. Steve knew that he had to respect Nikita's boundaries. He did however ask JARVIS to monitor her vitals in case she needed him.

******************************************************************************************

After a quick shower Nikita grabbed the new gear Tony had made for her and headed over to the Tower range. The new knives were well balanced but were weighted a little differently than her old ones, and she needed to get used to moving with the slightly different fit of the new tactical vest. 

The range was equipped with 5 knife targets, Nikita took a stance 20 feet away. She pulled each knife in turn, throwing them at the targets before retrieving the blades and repeating the process. By now the wound in her side had completely closed, but there was still a tightness every time those muscles pulled to make a throw. It took a great deal of focus to consistently hit the mark with the new blades. Nikita did this over and over. If she was going to use the new gear in the field she needed throwing the new knives to become a matter of automatic muscle memory, much as moving with the old gear had been.

The focus required to hit the targets with the new blades allowed Nikita a little room to mull over the events of the night before, but not enough to get too wrapped up in her own mind. She was also still experiencing a deep sense of calm that she figured was one of the after effects of being in subsace. She also felt drained, in a good way. It was as if all of the terror, panic, and rage was - not gone, exactly - but held at bay, the bond acting as a shield. The ground beneath her feet felt firmer than it had in weeks. 

Surprisingly, Nikita wasn't really bothered by Steve dropping her into subspace. Like when she had woken in SHIELD medical, Nikita had been unable to control her own mind (which did bother her). Steve taking control and pulling her out of the destructive mental spiral she had been trapped in was probably the only thing that had kept her from being physically damaged in both instances. The first time in medical, Nikita had been so full of drugs and overwhelmed with the newness of the bond, that she hadn't really spared much thought to having been put in subspace. This time, however, she was taking time to process (Sam would be so proud).

She remembered very little of what JARVIS had diagnosed as a panic attack, only vague impressions of terror and pain. Then she remembered Steve's voice penetrating that chaos, leading out of that darkness. The next thing she knew she was floating. But Nikita hadn't felt like she was losing herself or floating away, Steve's voice and his presence through their bond had kept her tethered, safe.

Nikita did however, remember everything from the kiss onward. And she wasn't entirely sure how she felt about it all. At the time, on her knees being hand-fed by Steve, she had felt his pleasure and satisfaction through their bond (which had been completely open to her for the first time) and it had filled her with a bone deep sense of contentment. She had felt cared for. Now, part of her thought she should be feeling some embarrassment or shame, but it just wasn't there.

And then after, in bed, she had felt Steve's arousal pressed against the small of her back as he worked loose the muscles in her neck and shoulders. Nikita wasn't sure how far she would have let him push before trying to stop him, but Steve had respected the limits they had agreed to in the beginning and hadn't pressed for anything more. 

The question was, what happens now?

By this time, Nikita was covered with a thin sheen of sweat, there was a slight but pleasant ache in her muscles, and it was requiring less and less focus to hit the mark on each of her throws. She pulled each of her knives out of their target, wiping them down and putting them away in her various pockets and hidden places. 

She headed back to her apartment to shower and change clothes, surprised to find how many hours she had spent in the range. It was Saturday night so Nikita spent the rest of the evening eating dinner and participating in movie night with Darcy, Bucky, Clint, Bruce, Natasha, Tony, Sam and Steve. Neither of them mentioned the night before, though she didn't object when Steve sat next to her on the couch.


	24. Collar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve picked up the box from the table, opening it to reveal a collar. Nikita swallowed heavily around the lump in her throat. She stared at the collar Steve held in his hands.

The next morning when Steve left for church he found Nikita waiting for him outside his apartment. She was carrying the present she had bought for Thomas during the shopping trip with Darcy and Clint. Steve counted it a good sign that Nikita was ready to to be around him again. They didn't speak much on the way to the church, but the silence was companionable, not strained or awkward.

When they arrived at the church Steve went in for mass while Nikita went to find Thomas. She found him sitting on the front steps of the orphanage reading a book. She smiled a little to herself when she noted that it was Physics of the Impossible by Michio Kaku. 

"Hello Thomas," she greeted. 

The boy dropped his book. "Kita!" He squealed as he launched himself at her, wrapping his gangly limbs around her waist in a fierce hug.

Her smile died when he pulled back and she caught sight of a black eye. Nikita held his chin in a firm but gentle grip, tilting it up to scrutinize the boy's face. "What happened?"

Thomas shrugged, "Just didn't get out of the way fast enough I guess, no big deal. It happens."

"Yes, it does." Nikita agreed sadly.

"I bet it doesn't happen to you," the boy stated worshipfully. "Maybe someday I'll find a Dom to protect me from jerks like that," he continued.

"Maybe someday you will," Nikita agreed. "But you shouldn't just wait for some Dom to protect you from all the others. Ultimately the only person you can really count on is yourself."

Thomas looked up at her hopefully, "Maybe you could teach me, please?"

Nikita sighed, completely undone by the puppy dog-eyes, "I can teach you."

When Steve found them after mass, Nikita was teaching Thomas a few basic moves. He leaned against the wall content to watch for a while. Unsurprisingly, Nikita was a patient and effective teacher. She was running the boy through moves all designed to use an aggressors superior size and strength against them.

Nikita was aware of Steve watching, so after running Thomas through the series of moves one last time she called a halt to their lesson.

"Nice moves," Steve said with a warm smile as he approached them. 

Thomas blushed and ducked his head at the praise with a shy "Thanks."

Steve stood back and watched as Nikita gave Thomas his present, the model car experiment kit. Steve was captivated by the indulgent smile on Nikita's face as Thomas gushed over the gift. All shyness gone, the boy chattered on and on excitedly about It, planning the experiments to build fuel cells using solar energy to separate water into hydrogen and oxygen. 

Steve felt something through their bond that he had never felt from her before, for the first time Nikita was happy. It was a good look on her and one he definitely wanted to see again.

Soon enough Sister Margaret came out to collect Thomas. As they headed home, Steve made a mental note to talk to Sister Margaret about organizing a visit for Thomas and some of the other children to the Tower's labs.

Once back at the Tower, Steve and Nikita joined everyone else on the Common Floor for brunch. Nikita was surprised when Steve asked the three resident scientists if they would be willing to host some of the orphanage children. She was even more surprised when they agreed. Steve told them about Thomas' enthusiasm for the fuel cell experiments which sent Tony and Jane off on a tangent thinking up potential experiments and projects for the kids, each sounding more absurdly dangerous than the last, while Bruce attempted to channel their enthusiasm into more appropriate directions.

The discussion somehow led to them watching all three Back To The Future movies. Which of course led to take out being ordered. Nikita sat next to Steve on the couch, not close enough to be called cuddling, but close enough to be touching. Steve laid his arm along the back of the couch, letting his fingers trace over her shoulder. Nikita allowed the touch, instead of setting her on edge it managed to relax and settle her.

Once the evening had wound down, Steve and Nikita made their way down to their floor. Steve asked Nikita to come to his apartment to talk. Once she was seated on the couch Steve went into his bedroom, returning with a rectangular wooden box. He laid the box on the table and sat down facing Nikita.

Steve picked up the box from the table, opening it to reveal a collar. Nikita swallowed heavily around the lump in her throat. She stared at the collar Steve held in his hands. It was beautiful. Black leather in a slightly chevroned pattern, lined in a buttery-soft dark blue leather that just barely showed around the edges like an outline. A gold Claddah heart was riveted at the vee of the chevron.

"I understand if you aren't comfortable with it yet," Steve began. "This is entirely your choice, but I would like you to wear my collar. I want everyone to know that you are mine to protect and care for."

Nikita concentrated on what the bond was telling her. She sensed hope and uncertainty, but nothing aggressive or predatory. For so long a collar had meant security in exchange for violence, but Steve wanted something different from her than Volkov had. He said he wanted to care for and protect her. This was about giving him the chance to prove his words, and trusting her own instincts.

"I'll wear it," she agreed, sliding down off the couch to kneel in front of him. 

Steve placed the collar around Nikita's neck, gently lifting her golden hair free of the clasp. He was in awe as he took in the sight of her kneeling before him wearing his collar, the Claddah resting over the hollow of her throat. Brushing her hair back away from her face, he leaned in to kiss her. The kiss was a gentle, firm pressure of lips. It felt like an affirmation, like a promise of care and safety. 

Steve sat back, "What's your color?"

Nikita swallowed nervously, "Green."

Steve searched her face and the bond. She was nervous, but not afraid. Steve ran his fingers through her hair, lightly scratching his nails along her scalp. Once again Nikita allowed his touch to settle her, calming her nerves.

He leaned back in, this time running his tongue lightly across the seam of her lips, pulling down gently on her chin. When Nikita opened up to him, Steve mapped her mouth thoroughly with slow and gentle sweeps of his tongue. Unlike the first kiss, this kiss felt like a claiming. Before things could heat up any further, Steve pulled back from the kiss. 

"You're staying the night with me," Steve said.


	25. Drop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikita sat, letting the banter of the others wash over her. She had no energy or attention to spare following the conversation. It was taking everything she had to keep her hands from shaking and her body from betraying her. She was using every bit of her training and experience to stave off the drop, gritting her teeth, determined to gut it out until she was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long to write, life got in the way. There was this thing called Gishwhes, lots of getting up for work at 3am, an overdue chapter in one of my other stories, and my son starts High School in a matter of days. This was going to be one (rather epically long) chapter, but I decided that you all deserved an update sooner rather than later. The next 2 chapters are coming right along, so I expect to be posting them soon.

Nikita woke up in Steve's bed, her head tucked under his chin and his arm wrapped around her. She could feel the weight of his collar settled around her neck. She wasn't entirely sure what she had expected after Steve had declared that she would be spending the night with him. When she had accepted his collar she had decided to give him a chance to prove himself to her, so she had tamped down on her immediate reaction, determined to see where Steve would take this. It turns out that all he wanted was to discuss some terms for a preliminary contract and sleep with her in his arms.

They had agreed (and JARVIS had recorded) that they were still not ready for their relationship to include sex, they would discuss and agree to new contract terms before that happened. For now, Steve agreed that Nikita's apartment was off limits to him except in case of emergency as determined by JARVIS. Steve insisted that Nikita spend the night with him 3 nights each week. They also agreed that they would meet with Sam both separately and together at least once each week. Nikita still wasn't entirely on board with the whole therapy thing, but Steve insisted, and in light of her panic attack a few days ago she was inclined to humor him.

It was monday morning, so after a quick breakfast they separated to get ready then joined the other Avengers on the quinjet to the Initiative. Everyone noticed the new collar, but no one mentioned it. Even Tony thought better of making a quip once Nikita pinned him with a sharp gaze from her eerily impassive face.

Bruce had medically cleared Nikita for full duty. Steve and Natasha had decided that the spy would be the best person to assess the full extent of Nikita's skills and capabilities. Nikita knew that this would be a long grueling process.

Natasha already had surveillance footage and Clint's assessment of Nikita's long range shooting, a recording from JARVIS of Nikita throwing knives on the range, as well as Bucky and Steve's After Action Reports from their attack on the Hydra base. Steve had also mentioned Nikita's affinity for teaching, which could be an asset to the Initiative. Together with the files she had acquired, Natasha was forming a picture in her mind of Nikita's skill set, but she intended to dig a lot deeper to get the full picture. This first day, Natasha wanted to assess Nikita's general strength, endurance, situational awareness, and resistance to dropping under stress. She trusted Bruce when he gave Nikita a clean bill of health, but Natasha needed to push Nikita to her limits to see what they were. 

By the end of the day, Nikita was utterly exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. True to her word, Natasha had pushed her to her limits. The Widow had pushed Nikita through a series of physical challenges, quizzing her at random intervals, demanding details about the people and the environment around them. The questions got harder and came faster as Nikita became more fatigued, the Widow demanding that Nikita recall minute details from every part of the Initiative and surrounding area. She gave the sub no indication whether or not her answers were correct or acceptable, deliberately pushing Nikita closer and closer to a drop.

It had been good in a way, familiar. The Domme demanded and all Nikita needed to do was obey. Nikita had no idea whether or not she had performed to expectations, if the Widow was pleased or not. Of course she understood that that was part of the test. Could the sub continue to push through pain and fatigue without the praise or encouragement of a Dominant? Would she be able to perform under stress without succumbing to a drop? This was very much like the way she had originally been trained. Because of that, though the Widow had pushed, Nikita had been able to push through pain and exhaustion to meet the Widow's demands without dropping, but it was a near thing. By the time they were finished, Nikita was holding off a drop, clutching her control with bloody fingernails.

As they boarded the quinjet Steve could sense Nikita's fatigue. Though she was very good at hiding it, he knew that she was close to a drop. Natasha had warned him, giving the Dom a heads up as a courtesy. He wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and comfort her, but he knew how important it was to Nikita not to show any weakness. 

Nikita sat, letting the banter of the others wash over her. She had no energy or attention to spare following the conversation. It was taking everything she had to keep her hands from shaking and her body from betraying her. She was using every bit of her training and experience to stave off the drop, gritting her teeth, determined to gut it out until she was alone in her apartment. 

When they arrived at the Tower, she immediately headed for the elevator. Steve joined her on the way to their floor. He could sense she was moments away from the drop and everything in him was driven to take care of her but he knew that he needed to let it be her decision. If he pushed her now, he could destroy any progress he had made with her so far. 

As soon as the elevator doors opened onto their floor, Nikita bolted down the hall. It took everything she had to appear steady on her feet, her control was slipping rapidly and she was desperate to hold on until she was alone and safe.

"Please let me help you," Steve earnestly pleaded.

Nikita stopped, slightly swaying at the sound of her Dom's voice. A large part of her desperately wanted to give in, to do what her Dom clearly wanted. The oncoming drop driving her to want to please him at any cost. But she couldn't stand the idea of anyone seeing her at her lowest. This was different from slipping into subspace, different even than the panic attack of the other night. She hadn't had any rational thought during the panic attack or slipping into subspace, but now she was being asked to make a conscious decision to allow a Dom to witness her weakness. It was something she just couldn't do.

Without turning to face him she replied with a curt "No," not able to entirely mask the shakiness of her voice. 

Nikita quickly made it the rest of the way to her apartment, firmly closing the door behind her before doubling over with her arms wrapped around her middle.


	26. Care and Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikita was his bonded sub, she wore his collar and as her Dom it was Steve's responsibility to provide for her needs. She needed someone to comfort and care for her during this drop. She also needed to feel safe and secure in her own space, to set limits and have them respected. It seemed that those needs were mutually exclusive and Steve needed to choose which need was greater.

Nikita quickly made it the rest of the way to her apartment, firmly closing the door behind her before doubling over with her arms wrapped around her middle. She was so cold her teeth were chattering, and her body was trembling uncontrollably. She only managed to stumble a few feet away from the door before she lost control of her body entirely, sliding down the wall to huddle in a shaking ball. Her stomach was clenched in a cold knot, her head spinning and throbbing with anxiety.

This was not the first time she had ever dropped, far from it. In the early days with Volkov, her trainers had pushed her to drop over and over again. Forcing her to learn how to hold off long enough to complete her mission and find herself a secure location. Once her training was complete, full drops became a rare occurrence. 

Nikita had learned to listen to her instincts and recognize the unsettled and jittery feeling that usually crept up within a day of an impending drop. Over the years she learned that sometimes the praise or approval of a Dominant could prevent a drop. And she knew how to get it. Whenever she displayed a particular level of efficiency, brutality, and inventiveness while executing his orders, Volkov would give her the approval her nervous system required. She was under no illusions that she used the blood and pain of others to serve her own needs.

This time there had been no hope of avoiding the drop and this one was harder than usual. Since bonding with Steve her parasympathetic nervous system had been experiencing a roller-coaster of physical and emotional stimuli. Nikita hadn't yet been able to find any sort of equilibrium, and her body was now reacting to that lack of balance.

******************************************************************************************

Back in his own apartment Steve removed his uniform and stepped into the shower, all the while his mind gnawing on the problem. During the war he had witnessed a sub drop once or twice and even with someone to care for them, it had looked like a particularly nasty experience. If the aching anxiety and self loathing he was sensing through the bond was any indication, it really was. Nikita was his bonded sub, she wore his collar and as her Dom it was Steve's responsibility to provide for her needs. She needed someone to comfort and care for her during this drop. She also needed to feel safe and secure in her own space, to set limits and have them respected. It seemed that those needs were mutually exclusive and Steve needed to choose which need was greater. Of course, there wasn't really a choice. Steve didn't have authorization to enter Nikita's apartment and therefore couldn't get to her even if he tried….

Steve turned off the water as a sudden thought occurred to him, "JARVIS, who has authorization to enter Nikita's apartment?"

"Only Miss Lewis is currently authorized access to Miss Ivanova's apartment," came the AI's reply.

Steve quickly got out of the shower. "Where is Darcy now?" He asked JARVIS as he dried off and hurried to get dressed.

"Miss Lewis is currently in the lab with Dr. Foster," the AI answered.

"Thanks, JARVIS!" Steve called out as he bolted from the apartment and headed towards Jane Foster's lab.

******************************************************************************************

Darcy was in the lab babysitting Jane when Steve barged in. Thor had been on Asgard for the last couple of months and was due back in a few days. Jane was determined to get as much work done as possible before he got home. Darcy was equally determined to make sure that Jane actually ate and slept as well. 

"Darcy!" Steve exclaimed as he entered the lab. "I need to speak with you, privately," he continued quietly with a quick look over at Jane. He knew that Nikita would not appreciate news of her drop being broadcast throughout the Tower.

Jane was so engrossed in her work that she hadn't even noticed Steve come in, but Darcy could tell that Steve was agitated so she led him over to the far corner of the lab. "Alright, what's got your panties in a bunch?" she asked playfully.

"Nikita's dropping," Steve confided in a low voice. 

"Then what the hell are you doing here?" Darcy angrily demanded. She couldn't imagine Bucky ever leaving her to drop alone. Dropping was a horrible experience for any sub, but to be abandoned by your Dom and left to drop alone… she wouldn't have thought it of Steve.

"She doesn't want me there," he answered sheepishly. "She's alone in her apartment and you're the only one who has access."

Darcy eyed Steve with a narrowed gaze. She liked Steve, knew that he was a genuinely good guy. But he had made more than a few missteps with Nikita, mainly since neither one of them had any real idea what they were doing. Nikita was her friend and Darcy had the feeling that Nikita hadn't ever had a friend before. Darcy was determined be the best friend possible, which coincidentally happened to be her main superpower.

"So, you want me to let you in to her apartment?" Darcy questioned him with a level stare.

"No! I just want you to help her," Steve assured. "Please could you stay with her, make sure she's okay?"

Darcy gave Steve a bright smile, "That I can do."

******************************************************************************************

Darcy headed for Nikita's apartment after grabbing a few supplies that she kept in the kitchen area of the lab. Darcy took her job as babysitter of the three resident scientists seriously and since two of the three were subs, she was prepared for the possibility of an unexpected drop. Even though Tony and Bruce were both bonded, their Dominants were not always available to take care of them and Darcy liked to be prepared for any eventuality.

As she entered the dimly lit apartment, Darcy caught sight of Nikita. She was huddled on the floor against the wall, knees tucked tight to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs, with her head pressed down into her knees, her body visibly wracked with tremors. Darcy knelt down next to Nikita, calling her name softly as she brushed sweat dampened blonde hair away from her face. Nikita raised her head, eyes slowly focusing on Darcy. "Hey Kit Kat," Darcy soothed in a soft, warm voice. 

Nikita tried to respond, but immediately grimaced in pain. Darcy reached out and ran her hand along Nikita's jaw, realizing that she had been clenching it so hard the joint was dislocated. Darcy massaged the muscle around the joint, then carefully pushed it back into alignment with firm, gentle pressure, thinking those first-aid classes she'd taken after New Mexico were coming in handy. "Better?" Darcy asked.

Nikita nodded, jaw too sore for much in the way of speech. Darcy dug a small pouch out of her bag, holding it up so Nikita could see it. "It's banana puree and yogurt with electrolytes, it'll help," she explained. Nikita gingerly opened her mouth enough to allow Darcy to feed her the contents of the pouch. Once she was finished, Darcy placed a square of dark chocolate on her tongue. "Don't try to chew, just let it melt," she instructed. Darcy knew that Nikita hadn't eaten since breakfast that morning and her body needed more resources to weather the drop, but she didn't want to chance causing an upset stomach by giving her too much, too soon. 

"Why here?" Nikita asked haltingly.

"Steve sent me," Darcy answered, "is that okay?" Nikita stared at her for a long moment before nodding her acceptance.

"Okay, let's move this somewhere more comfortable," Darcy said sliding her right arm around Nikita and wedging a shoulder under her armpit then slowly levering Nikita upright. Nikita helped as much as she was able, her movements shaky and uncoordinated as they slowly made their way to the bedroom. Once there, Darcy lowered Nikita to the bed. Darcy then removed Nikita's body armor, shoes, and weapons to try and make her as comfortable as possible. Well, she removed the weapons she could readily find, Darcy fully realized that there were probably several hidden ones she couldn't find.

Nikita was still shivering violently as Darcy raided the linen closet, gathering every blanket and pillow she could find. Darcy piled all of the blankets and pillows over and around Nikita. She then climbed in the bed and wrapped herself around Nikita, holding her tight, knowing that the warmth and physical contact would eventually ease Nikita's shaking.

"Talk," she heard Nikita say.

"What?" Darcy asked.

"Talk t' me," Nikita asked in a slow, slightly slurred voice.

With that Darcy began to chatter away, telling Nikita all about her day. She had noticed some time ago that her incessant talking seemed to sooth Nikita. Once she had exhausted that topic, she revisited the idea of finding Nikita a hobby. As she talked, Darcy noticed Nikita's shivering gradually decreased. Eventually, the tremors were almost gone. Darcy was enthusing about the possibility of taking a knitting class at one of the local fabric stores so that they could make matching hats and scarves for all of the Avengers for Christmas.

"No," Nikita said, interrupting. It was the first thing she'd said in almost two hours.

"No?" Darcy asked.

"No knitting. My Mother tried to teach me, I wasn't any good at it," Nikita answered.

"Okay," Darcy responded. "No knitting." This was the first really personal thing that Nikita had ever said to any of them and Darcy was pretty sure that the worst thing she could do right now was make a big deal over it or pry for more. "Feeling better?" She asked instead.

"A little," Nikita answered.

"Good, now let's get some pj's on you. Do you need help changing?" Darcy asked.

"No, I can do it." Nikita insisted.

"Alright," Darcy said as she got up bringing sleep pants and a tee shirt over to Nikita. She would have liked to get Nikita into a hot bath or shower to wash off the dried sweat and loosen up the tightness in her muscles, but Darcy didn't want to risk giving her a chill. "You get changed and I'm going to heat up some soup."

By the time Darcy returned with a couple of mugs filled with chicken soup Nikita had managed to change into the pajamas. Darcy had her scoot up the bed to lean against the headboard before handing over one of the mugs of soup. She climbed in on the other side of the bed next to Nikita with her own mug of soup. Darcy had JARVIS play the Princess Bride, one of her all-time favorite feel good movies, on the flat screen in front of them. They spent the rest of the evening watching movies with Darcy chattering away until Nikita finally relaxed enough to fall asleep.


	27. Brutasha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone assumed that the Other Guy made an appearance when Bruce was angry. It hadn't taken Natasha long to realize that the trigger for the Other Guy wasn't really anger, it was fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I set out to write some bondage smut, I'm not really sure what I ended up with.

Natasha did not enjoy pushing Nikita into the drop she knew the sub was heading for. The person she had been before Clint chose to spare her life would have broken the girl before her with brutal efficiency, using the triggers she knew were there. She would have broken the sub, then bent her to her will. The person she used to be would have used the sub as a disposable weapon, causing her to have far more blood on her hands than she has. The Red Room had taught her how to use and manipulate subs. The old Black Widow wouldn't have cared at all about harming a sub. 

Meeting Clint had changed her. She was still looking at Nikita with the eye toward obtaining a potential asset, but now the Black Widow was looking to integrate the sub as a permanent team member. She still needed to know the girl's limits, strengths and weaknesses, but she didn't want to break her. 

Natasha had learned that a sub could be more than a tool to be used for her own agenda. Clint was strong, capable, loyal, and smart, intuitive in a way that she had rarely ever seen in any operative. He had held her life in his hands on more than one occasion and had never let her down. 

Clint and Coulson had given her the chance to become someone new, to use the skills learned in the Red Room to do good. She had given her loyalty to SHIELD, or more specifically to Clint, Coulson and Fury. Even then, there was little to nothing that she would not have done to complete a mission. 

Bonding with Bruce, becoming an Avenger, and the fall of SHIELD had all changed her in ways both large and small. Learning that SHIELD had always been infiltrated by HYDRA had shaken her foundations, made her re-evaluate every action she had taken as a SHIELD agent, wondering how much blood she had spilled for the benefit of HYDRA. Becoming an Avenger had finally given Natasha the opportunity to be 'one of the good guys', as Clint was so fond of putting it. 

The team worked together well and managed to keep each other in check. Steve, Bruce, and Sam were the moral compasses of the team. Clint, Tony, Bucky, and herself tried to use their skills in ways that the others would approve of since they all had a history of shaky moral judgements. 

Bonding with Bruce had the biggest impact on her. When they first met in India, she had been intrigued. She had expected some unstable tragically damaged sub, what she saw was a handsome man full of charm and self-deprecating humor. It had bothered her when he talked about trying to kill himself, and she wasn't sure why, too wrapped up in worry about Clint and the crises at hand to spare it much thought. When he Hulked out and the Other Guy backhanded her, she felt the bond snap into place. She had seriously freaked out. The Hulk had been enraged, viewing Natasha and the bond as a threat. She had barely escaped the encounter with her life. For the first time in a long time the Black Widow was faced with an opponent that she had no way to fight and it had shaken her to the core. It had been a long and difficult road, but eventually they had accepted and strengthened their bond and the relationship had benefitted them both. Bruce made Natasha want to be a better person. He made her feel protective of him, more so even than Clint. Which was funny because the Other Guy made Bruce practically indestructible. 

She had paid a visit to General Ross, appearing in his home in the middle of the night having bypassed his not insignificant security, ensuring that the man gave up on his obsession of capturing Bruce. Bruce had had a relationship with Ross's submissive daughter Betty. It wasn't uncommon for subs to form close friendships and even occasionally sexual relationships before finding their bonded Dom. On rare occasions, two close subs have even been known to form a three-way bond with the same Dom. The problem was that General Ross was ultra conservative and had no intention of allowing his daughter to form any sort of attachment to what he considered a weak sub.

Over time, feeling each other's emotions and needs, they developed a deep understanding of each other. Everyone assumed that the Other Guy made an appearance when Bruce was angry. It hadn't taken Natasha long to realize that the trigger for the Other Guy wasn't really anger, it was fear. When Bruce got scared, he once again became that little submissive boy cowering under the fists of his father, and the Other Guy came out to protect him. But fear is weak, and the Hulk is anything but weak, turning that fear into rage and smashing anything that threatens him. In the beginning, the Hulk had viewed Natasha as a threat and Bruce had been afraid that being around her would trigger the Other Guy to make an appearance. Eventually, both Bruce and the Other Guy learned to trust that Natasha wanted only to take care of him. She became the only person who could talk the Hulk down from a rage, convince him that Bruce was safe, and calm him enough to let go. As much as Bruce had to learn to trust Natasha, she had to learn to trust him as well. Ultimately, no matter what they were doing, she was the one in actual physical danger - which was vastly different from the reality of most Dom/sub relationships.

Even after negotiating their contract, Natasha had to constantly monitor the bond whenever they scened to catch any signs of fear and calm Bruce before the Hulk was triggered. They usually indulged in Shibari rope bondage, especially when either or both of them was feeling particularly emotional or under stress. The deep pressure of the ropes over most of his body as well as the immobility had a relaxing effect on Bruce. Pain play was not a part of their dynamic, they both had enough violence in their lives without bringing it into their relationship.

******************************************************************************************

Bruce positioned himself on the bed, naked, in the easy plow yoga pose. He began by lying on his back, bending his legs while keeping them together with his feet flat on the bed. He slowly lifted his feet and pelvis from the mat, lowering his knees until they touched his forehead, with his palms pressed against his lower back. This particular pose was a favorite of theirs as it was known to calm the brain, reduce stress and fatigue, and to be therapeutic for backache, headache, and insomnia.

The intensity of focus required helped center Natasha. As she wrapped him in rope and praise, each knot narrowed her focus until all that remained in her awareness was Bruce and the bond. Natasha created geometric patterns and shapes that complimented beautifully the natural lines of Bruce's body, the soft black rope contrasting with his smooth skin. 

The arrangement of ropes and knots Natasha created emphasized the characteristics that she found herself most drawn to in Bruce like his sensuality, vulnerability, and strength. She positioned some of the knots to stimulate several pressure points on his body including the base of his skull, his nipples, the spaces between his vertebrae, the dimples just above the curve of his ass, behind his knees, the insides of his elbows, and the spot between his heel and ankle bone alongside his achilles tendon. She secured the ropes to the eyebolt secured in the ceiling above the bed then stepped back to survey her work, admiring the beautiful web-like pattern created with rope, body and limb placements. Natasha reveled in the adrenaline rush, slipping into Top Space bringing with it a narrowed focus and heightened awareness of her sub and the bond.

Looking closely at Bruce and feeling him through the bond, she could see that he was clearly 'rope drunk', the endorphins and other hormones creating a trance-like, euphoric condition. The relaxation was physically evident in his slack jaw and loose, pliant limbs. Not needing to hold the pose, trusting Natasha and the ropes to hold him, Bruce slipped completely into subspace. He felt as if he were floating, weightless, and yet securely anchored by the ropes, safe in their embrace and the presence of his Domme.

Natasha circled Bruce, admiring her handiwork up close. She reached out to lightly scratch her nails across random patches of exposed skin, lighting up his nervous system in contrast to the calming deep pressure of the ropes. In between light touches, she pressed firmly on the knots over his pressure points. Soon Bruce was completely lost in the dueling sensations of relaxation and stimulation. His chest was heaving with each breath, the ropes around his torso tightening with each expansion, the exposed portions of his skin glistening with sweat. 

Natasha knew that Bruce could take this for hours if she chose to push him, but that was not her goal for the night. She had already pushed a sub to the breaking point today and the thought of even coming close to doing so to Bruce right now was abhorrent. Tonight wasn't about Bruce's needs as a sub, this was about Natasha's need as a Domme to lavish care and attention on her submissive. 

She reached up and unhooked the ropes from the ceiling. Without that anchor there was no way Bruce would be able to stay upright, so Natasha gently lowered him until he was laying on his side, still in the pose. She undid the knots holding him into the pose, leaving the rest of the knots and bindings, moving his arms up and over his head before bending and securing his hands to the knotted rope at the base of his skull. She laid him out on his back, checking him over. Bruce was clearly in a non-verbal state. His eyes were glassy and unfocused, the pupils blown. Natasha loved the sight of him completely given over to her, he was gorgeous. But she needed him to be present, needed to focus on his pleasure more than her own.

She stepped back a moment to untie her short robe, letting the ruby silk slide down her body to pool at her feet. Natasha climbed onto the bed, straddling his hips. She carded her fingers through his dark curls, scratching her nails firmly across his scalp as she spoke in a calm and firm voice. 

"Bruce, I need you to come back to me now."

She watched as his eyes slowly lost the glassy sheen and focused on her. 

"Natasha...," he responded, speech still slightly slurred.

She smiled warmly down at him. "Good Boy," she praised. "I need you to stay with me now. Can you do that for me?"

Bruce swallowed, his gaze sharpening a little further before he answered. "Yes."

"You are so good for me," Natasha purred as she leaned down to capture his mouth in a slow, languid kiss. Her tongue slipping past his lips to stroke every part of his mouth. She pulled back, biting gently at his lower lip before sitting back up. 

She slid down his body until she felt his hard length underneath her folds. She raised up on her knees, guiding him inside of her until she was fully seated. She began a slow rolling rhythm of her hips, building both of them up toward the precipice. With each downward grind of her hips, the knots along his spine and lower back pressed into him. Natasha's hand travelled down her taut stomach, parting her folds. Bruce watched with a hungry gaze as Natasha increased her pace and began to stroke herself. Soon her climax washed over her in a gentle yet powerful wave, tightening her muscles and clenching down on Bruce. Natasha reached behind her, grinding the knot behind his sack firmly into his perineum. The external pressure on his prostate pushed Bruce over the edge, his vision whiting out as he came.

Natasha lifted herself off of him and reached to untie his hands, stretching them out along his sides, as she kissed him softly. She padded into the bathroom wetting a cloth with warm water and cleaning herself up before heading back to the bed and wiping down Bruce as well. She left him bound because they had discovered that it unsettled him if he was left alone for any time after the ropes were removed. 

She began untying the ropes, rotating his joints and massaging each strained muscle, admiring the marks left behind. The lines of the ropes would leave faint bruising, a reminder of their session for days to come. Unlike most subs in a committed relationship, Bruce didn't wear a collar. Like Clint, Natasha had too many enemies to be comfortable advertising their relationship. Besides, her needs were more about care and protection and less about possession. So instead of wearing her collar, Bruce wore her marks. The beautiful patterns she left on his skin were better to him than any collar. Whenever he needed the reassurance, to feel the sense of belonging to someone, Bruce could press his fingers into the bruises, reminding himself of the feeling of being wrapped up in Natasha's love and care.

Natasha sat propped against the headboard pulling Bruce up in front of her, his back to her chest. She settled him between her thighs, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist. She had found that he needed the pressure after a rope session. They spent the next hour with Natasha hand feeding Bruce a bottle of iced green tea sweetened with a liberal amount of honey and a banana from the nightstand in between kissing, stroking, and squeezing him. They were both quiet, the calming effect of the rope session lasting long after the actual session. When Bruce had finished eating and drinking, Natasha repositioned them back down to lie on the bed. She wrapped her body around his, holding him tight, the sensation better even than the ropes. Bruce drifted off to sleep while Natasha indulged in her need to keep watch.


	28. Contentment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drop had taken it’s toll on her and Nikita didn’t have the emotional or physical reserves to fight her instinctual submissive reaction to Steve’s hold. Instead she chose to let go and consciously give herself over to her Dom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loyal readers! I need your help. I've been wracking my brain to come up with the best Avenger code name for Nikita. If you have any suggestions, let me know.

The next morning Nikita woke to find Darcy still wrapped around her like an octopus. She felt stiff, sore, and a little groggy, but definitely better than the aftermath of any of her previous drops. She had never had anyone to help her through a drop and Darcy’s care had certainly made a difference. If not for the care of the other sub, Nikita would probably still be in the grips of it. Careful not to wake Darcy, she padded into the bathroom to brush her teeth and splash some water on her face. Nikita really wanted a shower but was still too unsteady on her feet to consider it seriously. 

“Miss Ivanova?”

“Yes, JARVIS?”

“I informed Captain Rogers that you had awakened and he has requested that you join him in his apartment at your earliest convenience,” the AI replied.

Nikita thought about that for a moment. On the one hand she was still feeling shaky and vulnerable enough that her initial instinct was to hide away and lick her wounds. On the other hand, the part of her that was bonded to Steve craved the comfort and safety her Dom had promised her. Like everything else, it came down to trust. She had decided to give Steve a chance when she accepted his collar. Besides, he had scored a few points last night. He had respected Nikita’s wishes and kept his distance, but he had also sent Darcy to take care of her. While she didn’t feel up to seeing anyone else, she thought she could handle a few hours with Steve.

“Tell Steve I’ll be there shortly,” she answered.

Darcy was just waking up, having clearly heard her conversation with JARVIS, as Nikita made her way back to the bedroom. 

“You okay?” she asked.

Nikita drew an only slightly shaky breath as she answered, “Yeah, I’m still a little off but I’ll be alright. Thank you for staying with me, no one’s ever done that before.”

“Anytime Kit Kat,” Darcy said with a smile, “Friends don’t let friends drop alone. Besides, you should really thank Steve for sending me. Speaking of which, I’m sure he’s just about climbing the walls to get his hands on you and make sure you’re okay.”

“He wants to see me,” Nikita affirmed.

“Then you shouldn’t keep him waiting,” Darcy advised with a smile.

With that Darcy gathered up her things and headed out. She paused just before heading out the door. “Next time, have JARVIS call me or let Steve help you,” she admonished. “Don’t try to get through it by yourself when you don’t have to.”

After Darcy left, Nikita walked across the floor to Steve’s apartment. She didn’t bother to change since she hadn’t showered and didn’t really have the energy anyway.

Steve opened the door before Nikita could even knock.

As soon as he saw her, Steve reached out to wrap his right hand around the nape of her neck, giving it a gentle but firm squeeze. It was a classically Dominant move that he wouldn’t normally risk using on Nikita, but he had spent the entire night worried about her, going a little crazy with his instinctive need to care for his sub. He trusted Darcy to take care of Nikita but that did nothing to satisfy his Dominant drive. 

Nikita felt something inside her settle into the hold of her Dom. Maintaining his grip on her neck, Steve slowly pulled her forward until her forehead came to rest on his shoulder. He then brought his left hand up to stroke a broad flat palm up and down her spine, gently pressing her closer, whispering heartfelt words of praise. With each exhale Nikita felt herself relax further, the remaining tension draining away as she melted against the warm solid strength of Steve. The drop had taken it’s toll on her and Nikita didn’t have the emotional or physical reserves to fight her instinctual submissive reaction to Steve’s hold. Instead she chose to let go and consciously give herself over to her Dom.

Steve felt the tension leaving Nikita’s body with each touch. Through their bond he could also feel the turmoil of her emotions begin to calm with his approval and praise. He could also sense her complete and utter exhaustion.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

Nikita’s stomach was still feeling a bit uneasy, so she quietly answered “No.”

Steve was not at all surprised at her answer. Having spent most of the night up researching sub drop and the common aftereffects thereof, he had expected that Nikita wouldn’t be up to eating much in the way of solid food for a little while yet. Still, he had learned that keeping her blood sugar level from getting too low was essential for stabilizing her parasympathetic nervous system and regaining her emotional equilibrium. With that in mind, Steve guided her over to sit on the couch before grabbing one of the bottled protein shakes, specifically formulated for submissive aftercare, that he had asked JARVIS to stock for him. Joining her on the couch, Steve pulled Nikita into his lap. Once she was settled comfortably in his arms he opened and handed her the bottle, turning on the television for some background noise.

“Drink it slow,” he instructed.

Nikita sipped at her drink as they watched a baseball game and Steve explained the finer points of the game. Nikita didn’t say much, instead she let the rich timbre of her Dom’s voice wash over her, soothing her jangled nerves. She was no where near subspace, and Steve wasn’t trying to push her there, which was a good thing. Going from sub-drop to subspace in too short of a time would put an unhealthy strain on a submissive’s body and mind. Forcing it from one extreme state to the other could cause lasting physical and emotional consequences. For the time being, Steve was just focused on calming Nikita’s body and mind while meeting her physical and emotional needs. 

The physical part was easy, but with Nikita, the emotional part was always tricky. Part of the research Steve had done last night was to watch the video feed of the Widow’s evaluation of Nikita the day before. It had been hard to watch. Knowing rationally that it had been necessary did nothing to lessen the feeling of failure for not being there to protect his sub and that, coupled with Nikita’s inability to trust him to see her through her drop, pushed all the right buttons necessary to put him on the edge of a Dom-drop himself. The only thing that had helped even a little was the display JARVIS had put on his tablet so that he could monitor her vitals throughout the night.

Now that he had her here with him, safely wrapped up in his arms, Steve gave her all the words of praise and encouragement he hadn’t been able to give her the day before. He could tell through their bond that it was doing them both good. He could feel both of them settle into a quieter, calmer state of mind. 

Once Nikita had finished her drink, Steve led her to the bathroom. He lifted her to sit on the countertop as he ran a bath in the large tub, adding lavender and chamomile essential oils to the water. When he was satisfied with the temperature and water level, he lifted Nikita down off the counter. 

“I’m going to undress you and give you a bath,” Steve explained. “What’s your color?”

Nikita paused to consider for a moment before answering, “Green.”

Steve said “Thank you,” with a smile and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. First he unbuckled the collar from around her neck then, grasping the hem of her shirt, he slowly skimmed it up her torso. 

“Good girl,” Steve praised when Nikita raised her arms so that he could pull the shirt off. 

Steve then hooked his fingers into the waistband of her sleep pants and underwear, pulling them both down in one smooth movement. “So good for me,” he praised when Nikita placed a hand on his shoulder to steady herself as she stepped out of them, pleased that she initiated the contact. 

He continued to steady her as she stepped into the tub. Nikita sank down into the bath. She gave a contended sigh as the heat from the water seemed to seep into her muscle and bone, warming her core. Steve let her soak for a few minutes while he cleaned and conditioned her collar. He then knelt behind her outside of the tub, directing her to scoot forward. He cradled the back of her head in one hand with the other on her shoulder guiding her to lean back until the water came up to just above her ears. The only thing keeping her face above the water was Steve supporting her head. He cupped his free hand, using it to wet her hair that remained above the water. He then helped her to sit upright again before pouring a small amount of shampoo in his hand and lathering it into her hair. Nikita closed her eyes, letting out a pleased hum as Steve worked the shampoo into her hair and massaged her scalp. “Good, I want to hear when you like something I do,” he encouraged.

When he was done with the shampoo, Steve guided Nikita back again. In the same position as before Steve rinsed her hair, careful to avoid getting any soap in her eyes. Then he sat her up again and began to work conditioner into her long hair, gently and meticulously working through the knots with his fingers. After that, Steve rinsed out the conditioner. He then folded a small towel and placed it over the edge of the tub so that it cushioned Nikita’s neck when he settled her back to soak in the tub. “I’ll be right back,” Steve said with a small kiss to her temple.

While Nikita relaxed in the tub, Steve went into the kitchen to fix up a platter of cut up fruit, cubed cheese, and squares of dark chocolate along with a tall glass of juice. When he returned to the bathroom Steve helped Nikita out of the tub, wrapping her in a large fluffy towel. He used another towel to dry her hair, then the rest of her. He dressed her in a clean pair of pajamas then stepped behind her to fasten the collar around her neck.

Steve led Nikita back to the living room, directing her to lay down on the couch with her head resting on his thigh. He then asked JARVIS to start the movie that was next on their list. In a happy coincidence, it turned out to be a Disney movie recommended by Darcy. Steve spent the next few hours contentedly hand feeding Nikita and carding his fingers through her hair while they watched as a young Chinese sub met and bonded with her Dominant, managing to save her father, her Dom, and all of China along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not abandoned this work. New chapters will be coming. Real life has gotten in the way of my writing. I have also been hijacked by another story. My Alpha and Omega story has been inspiring me pretty relentlessly. Also, the entire plot of a new story came to me and I had to get it sketched out before it drove me nuts. I promise to get back to this story as soon as I can give it my focus so that I don't compromise the quality. In the meantime, I invite you to check out my other works. Thank you all so much for reading and, as always, your comments and support help inspire me more than you know.


	29. Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikita launched herself at the man, beating him viciously, smashing his nose, snapping his arm, and using her boot to crush every bone in his whip hand.  Just as she was about to slit his throat, Pepper’s Voice rang out “Nikita STOP!” 
> 
> Nikita froze, hand vibrating with the urge to kill, but held in place by the Domme’s Voice.  She turned her head to face Pepper, still pressing the blade against the man’s jugular, “You are not my Dom!” Nikita snarled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big Thank You to my new Beta, Jessica!! I never intended for the story to go in this direction, but Thomas insisted.

The drop seemed to be a milestone for Steve and Nikita’s relationship and the small seed of trust that had developed between them seemed to grow a little larger.  It was still very small, Nikita still did not trust easily, but it was growing.  The fact that Steve had respected her limits, and still found a way to make sure that she was taken care of, went a long way.  

In the meantime, The Black Widow had cleared Nikita to begin training with the Avengers as a full member of the team.  This was the last step before being fully cleared for field missions.  Tony kept trying to come up with a good code-name for her, but nothing seemed to fit.  The billionaire was also threatening to create a custom catsuit for her just like the Widow’s, but both Nikita and Steve refused to even consider it.

The Tower had also recently been overrun by pint sized monsters from the orphanage on Steve’s promised field trip.  All in all about 50 children had come to visit the tower, ranging in ages from 5 to 16, including Nikita’s friend, little 10 year old Thomas.  They were broken up into small groups and rotated through the gym for some basic self defense with Nat and Steve, the range for basic archery with Clint, and the labs for experiments with Tony, Jane and Bruce.  Unsurprisingly, Nikita stayed with Thomas and his group the entire time.  After the organized activities, the kids were all set up on the Common Floor for lunch and a movie, before heading back to the orphanage.  It was a bittersweet day for both Nikita and Thomas, since it was probably the last time they would see each other for awhile.  Thomas had found out just the day before that he was being placed with a foster couple who wanted to adopt him.  He was excited at the prospect of having a family, but sad that he would no longer get to see Nikita every Sunday.  Tony had discreetly slipped them each a modified version of the Avengers comms, set to their own channel, so that Thomas could contact Nikita anytime.

A few days after the field trip, Nikita found herself alone in the common room.  Jane and Darcy were on a double date with Bucky and Thor; Clint was visiting his family; Bruce was in his lab; while Steve, Tony, Natasha, and Sam were on their way back from a mission in South America.  Nikita had just settled in with her current book and a cup of tea when JARVIS alerted her to an incoming transmission from the comm that Tony had given Thomas.  “Thomas?” Nikita asked, glancing up as Pepper exited the elevator.  At first she couldn’t hear anything through the comm, then came the sound of sniffling and a muffled sob.  “Thomas what’s wrong?”  Nikita urged.

“Help me Kita!  He hurt me, he wants to do bad things to me!  Come help me, _please!_ ”  The boy whisper-yelled through his tears.  

Nikita didn’t hesitate, “I’m on my way, Thomas!”  As she spoke, they heard angry voices, the sound of a door breaking, and a child’s scream before the comm went dead.  

“JARVIS, trace that call!”  Nikita yelled as she entered the elevator that Pepper had stepped back into.  

By the time Nikita entered the garage and hopped in one of Tony’s cars, JARVIS had traced the call and sent directions to the vehicle’s GPS system.  Nikita looked over in surprise as Pepper hopped into the passenger seat of the car.  Pepper just gave Nikita a determined nod and pulled out her phone as Nikita peeled out of the garage.  On the way, Pepper called Happy, head of security for SI and instructed him to send a team to the address they were headed to.

The call hadn’t come from very far away, and with the rate of speed Nikita was driving, they arrived just 30 minutes after the call had cut off.  Nikita ran up to the front door of the large townhouse, with Pepper hot on her heels.  She pulled one of her knives, holding it hilt out to the Domme, “Thomas comes first,” Nikita said, “I won’t risk him to protect you.”

“Understood,” Pepper replied as she took the offered knife.  Nikita pulled a ring dagger from a sheath at her leg, then kicked in the door.  The two women moved swiftly through the house, heading towards the sounds of a struggle coming from a bedroom down the hall.  Halfway there, a middle aged female sub tried to block them, but Nikita efficiently knocked her out with a sharp blow to the head, and continued on.

The sight that greeted them once they reached the master bedroom sent Nikita into a full blown rage.  Thomas was naked, on his knees bent over the bed, wrists cuffed and bound to the frame.  His back was completely covered in stripes, many of them oozing blood, from the belt currently being held by the middle aged male Dom that had just spun to face them, the bulge in his pants a clear indication of what he intended to do to the boy.

Nikita launched herself at the man, beating him viciously, smashing his nose, snapping his arm, and using her boot to crush every bone in his whip hand.  Just as she was about to slit his throat, Pepper’s Voice rang out “ _Nikita STOP!_ ”

Nikita froze, hand vibrating with the urge to kill, but held in place by the Domme’s Voice.  She turned her head to face Pepper, still pressing the blade against the man’s jugular, “You are not my Dom!” Nikita snarled.

“I know, and I’m sorry,” Pepper replied earnestly, “but Thomas comes first, remember?”

Nikita glanced over at the boy, and winced at the sight of his wide, terror-stricken eyes.  Pepper had freed him from the bed and wrapped him in a blanket, but Thomas was shaking, tears streaming down his face.

“He needs medical attention, and to be somewhere safe and secure,” Pepper continued in a calm, firm voice that rivaled even Steve’s.  “What he does _not_ need is to go through this alone, while you get held for questioning by the authorities.”  

Nikita nodded her acknowledgement, “Cover his eyes,” she instructed, before turning back to the man pinned beneath her on the ground.  She leaned down to growl in the man’s ear “If you ever so much as breathe in his direction ever again, I will hunt you down, and carve you into pieces until you _beg_ for death.”  With that said, Nikita cracked the man’s jawbone with the hilt of the dagger, then pried open his mouth and cut out his tongue and Dom gland, effectively silencing his Voice forever.

Just a few moments later, when Happy arrived with an SI security detail to secure the scene, Nikita carefully picked up the blanket wrapped boy and carried him to the car, settling him on her lap in the back seat.  Thomas clung to Nikita, pressing his face to her neck and sobbing as he continued to tremble.  She held him as securely as possible, mindful of his injuries.  

“Easy Solnyshko,” Nikita spoke softly, carding a hand through the boy’s hair.  “It’s over now, and you’re safe, I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”  

Pepper instructed Happy to deal with the authorities when they arrived, then tasked one of his men to escort them back to the Tower.  On the way she called Bruce to brief him on the situation.  By the time they reached their destination Thomas had calmed considerably; he had stopped shaking, and his sobs had subsided to just the occasional sniffle.

Once they arrived at the Tower, Nikita carried Thomas to the medical lab, where Bruce treated the boy’s injuries. Nikita held his hands and soothed him as best she could, promising the boy that she would keep him safe no matter what.  Nikita knew that she would keep that promise by any means necessary, even if it meant leaving Steve and the Avengers to go on the run with Thomas.  She would not let the little boy be hurt again.  For his part, Bruce was very careful to explain every step of the process to Thomas, and get the boy’s consent before doing anything.  

“What does that word mean?”  Thomas asked in an effort to distract himself, while Bruce cleaned and disinfected his wounds.  “The one you called me?”

“Solnyshko?”  Nikita asked.

Thomas nodded.  “Yeah, that one.  Is it Russian?”

“Yes it is,” Nikita answered.  “It means ‘small sun’.”

“Why did you call me that?” he asked. “Because you are small, and also bright like the sun,” she replied.  “I won’t call you that again if you don’t want me to.”

Thomas blushed a little when he answered.  “That’s okay, I like it.”

Bruce had just finished treating the boy’s wounds, as well as administering pain medication and antibiotics, when JARVIS announced that the police had arrived, and that a detective was asking to come in so he could get witness statements from Thomas and Nikita.  After Thomas gave a shaky nod of assent, JARVIS opened the door to the med lab, allowing the detective to enter.  A tall, solidly built Dom walked into the room, coming to a halt when Nikita stepped in front of Thomas, blocking him from the Dom’s view.

“I’m Detective Slater,” the man said in a calm even voice as he held up his identification.  “I just need to ask a few questions.”  Slater read the tense body language of the sub in front of him.  Having seen the extent of the injuries to the Dom who was currently under arrest and cuffed to a hospital bed, he knew that any perceived threat to his victim would be met with swift violence.  “I’m not here to hurt anyone.”

“It’s okay Kita,” came a small voice from behind her.  “I c-can do it.”

“You don’t have to,” Nikita stated.

“But I should,” the boy insisted, “it’s the right thing to do and I w-want to be brave, like you.”

Nikita turned all of her attention to Thomas in an instant, trusting JARVIS to keep an eye on the detective.  She gently tilted his chin up so that she could look him in the eye.  “I have never doubted your courage,” she said sincerely.  “I’ll be right here, Solnyshko,” Nikita said as she sat on the bed next to Thomas, holding his hand and gesturing for the Detective to proceed.

Slater spotted a small stool and rolled it over so that he could sit down in front of them; the last thing he wanted to do was loom over a traumatized young sub.  “Okay Thomas, first I need to make very clear that you are not in trouble in any way.  Alright?”

The boy nodded.

“The man who hurt you,  Marcus Rafe, he and his sub were assigned to be your foster parents?”  Slater asked.

“Yes,” Thomas replied.

“Okay, can you tell me what happened?”  

Thomas swallowed down the lump in his throat, tightening his grip on Nikita’s hand, as he began to tell the story.  “Mr. Rafe came home from work in a real bad mood.  He started drinking, a lot.  Then h-he started saying bad things.”

“What kind of bad things?” The Detective asked.

“Things that he wanted to _do_ to me,” the boy continued.  “Things that Sister Margaret said shouldn’t happen until I’m grown up and Bonded or Collared.”

“Alright, what happened next?”

“I got really scared, and then h-he grabbed me.”  Thomas looked up at Nikita, “I remembered what you taught me, so I kicked him in the groin and bit his arm really hard.  He let me go, and I tried to get out of the house, but the door was locked and i c-couldn’t get it open.  So I ran into the bathroom and locked the door.  Then I called you and you _came_.”  

Nikita gave the boy a quick hug, “I will always come when you need me, Solnyshko.  I won’t let anyone hurt you again, I promise.”

“Thomas, what happened after you called Nikita?”  Slater urged.  He could tell that the pain meds were kicking in, which had the benefit of calming the boy, but were also making him drowsy.  The Detective wanted to finish the interview quickly, so the little sub could get some much needed rest.

“He kicked in the door and punched me in the f-face.”  Thomas continued, his speech slightly slurred from the medication.  “He dragged me out to his bedroom.  I tried to fight him, but he grabbed the back of my neck and _squeezed_ , and I couldn’t make anything work r-right!”

“That’s not your fault, Thomas.”  Bruce interjected as the boy got increasingly agitated.  “It’s called a sub-hold.  There are glands in your neck, and when they are squeezed, they release chemicals that make subs pliant.  It’s supposed to only be used to calm and comfort a sub in distress.  It’s _never_ okay for a Dom to use it to make you do something against your will.”

"He’s right, Thomas,”  Slater added, handing a tissue to the crying boy.  “No Dom has the right to touch you without your consent, and it’s actually illegal to use a sub-hold to force a non-consenting sub to comply.  What happened after that?”

Thomas wiped the tears from his face, “He ordered his sub to t-take my clothes off while he kept squeezing my neck.  Then they cuffed me to the bed.”

“Did he use his Voice when he ordered his sub to take off your clothes?”  asked the Detective.

“N-no,” he answered.  “I think she wanted to do it.  After that, he started whipping me with his belt.  Until Nikita made him stop and Miss Pepper untied me.”

“Thank you, Thomas.”  Slater held a business card out to the boy as he stood up.  “That’s all I need for now.  If you think of anything else, or have any questions, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?”

“Okay,” Thomas answered, taking the card.

Slater turned toward Nikita.  “Miss Potts informed me that you are currently employed by the Avengers Initiative?”

“Yes,” she answered.

“Well, since the Avengers are officially listed as First Responders,” Slater continued.  “I won’t need to get a statement from you right now.  Just be sure to send me a copy of your official After Action Report.”

Nikita narrowed her eyes a bit at the almost order from the Dom, but nodded her agreement nonetheless.

“Detective,” Bruce stopped Slater as he turned to leave.  With a meaningful nod at Thomas and Nikita’s clasped hands he continued.  “As his treating physician, I’m going to insist that Thomas stay here under medical observation for the time being.”

Slater nodded his agreement.  “Understood, Doctor.”


	30. conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper explained. “I already apologised to Nikita if that helps.”
> 
> “And did she accept your apology?” Steve asked.
> 
> “Well I’m still breathing so I’ll take that as a yes,” Pepper quipped with an unamused chuckle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you feel lost reading this chapter, it's probably because you missed when I posted the previous chapter. Check it out before reading this one.

Much as Steve didn’t like being away from Nikita for any length of time, he had taken the opportunity to get some much needed advice from Sam and Natasha, while Tony piloted the quinjet. While Steve had been a Dominant his entire life, Project Rebirth had increased those qualities, turning him into an Alpha Dom. During the war he had been far too busy, and Alpha Dom’s had been far too rare, for him to achieve any real understanding of the difference before going into the ice. Since being thawed out, there had always seemed to be more pressing matters, but since he now had a sub of his own, Steve felt it to be imperative that he learn as much as possible to understand his own Dominance, as well as figure out Nikita’s particular submission.

Sam started by explaining the difference between a Dom and an Alpha Dom, “They tend to be natural leaders, often found in positions of command. Even other Dominants feel the urge to follow their lead and to submit to their authority. They tend to have hyper developed protective instincts, especially towards subs, and are usually found in the military and emergency services. The Alpha Dom feels entitled to submission, and will do whatever they feel is necessary to keep a sub at their feet. Typically, an Alpha will not tolerate a ‘bratty’ sub.” Steve distinctly heard a derisive snort from the cockpit at that. “They also would not be happy with a ‘doormat’, either, as they like a submissive with intelligence and strength. I think you two bonded because you compliment each other well. Nikita, I don’t see ever acting in any way as a bratty sub, and she’s proven to be capable, and strong enough to hold her own when necessary.”

“I’ve never been able to stand seeing a sub in distress,” Steve commented, “even before the serum. I remember getting in a fight behind the movie theater, before Bucky shipped out. A sub was crying during the newsreel, and some Dom was being a jerk. He was making her feel bad, yelling about the noise, and demanding the projectionist skip ahead to the movie. She kept getting more and more upset, and I needed to get him away from her, so I challenged him.”

“Even though you knew he’d probably kick your ass?” Tony asked.

“It was the only thing I could think of,” Steve answered with a shrug. “Besides, it worked.”

“How badly did you get beat up?” Asked Sam with a chuckle.

“Bucky ran him off before it got too bad,” Steve grinned, “but I had him on the ropes.”

“Of course you did.” Tony remarked sarcastically. 

Natasha rolled her eyes at the three of them, before getting the conversation back on track. “So, how did that evolve after the serum?” 

“I’ve never really thought about it,” Steve replied thoughtfully. “Everything was moving so fast, with the war, and Hydra, and then Bucky…. I didn’t really notice, but the only sub I was attracted to then was Peggy. I can see what you were talking about though, Sam. I feel the need to protect and care for Nikita, but I don’t want to push her away. I feel like I can only really relax when Nikita’s content or happy.” Steve tapped his temple to demonstrate sensing her emotions through their bond.

“How is that going?” Asked Sam.

“I think I’m making progress,” Steve replied. “I think she’s beginning to trust me to respect her limits, rather than use them against her. It’s still hard for me to get a read on what type of submissive she truly is though, which makes our interactions more of a guessing game than I’d like. She seems to have a need to feel useful, but not in the same way as a true service submissive? I don’t really know how to satisfy her needs, and I’m not sure that she really knows either.”

“I think she’s a Left-Hand, or she’s been conditioned to be anyway,” Natasha interjected. 

Steve glanced at Sam to find his own puzzlement reflected in the expression on the other Dom’s face, “What’s that?” He asked Natasha.

“It’s the way they trained submissives in the Red Room, and it fits with what I’ve seen in Nikita,” explained Natasha. “A Left-Hand is a submissive who is wholly devoted to advancing the interests of one Dominant. They stand behind and to the left of that Dom, literally and figuratively ready to do anything and everything asked of them. Their sole priority is whatever is in the interest of that Dom. They aren’t truly service submissives, they have no desire to wait on a Dom hand and foot. Rather, they serve their Doms in much more important capacities. The subs trained in the Red Room were usually sold as bodyguards, personal or professional assistants, legal counsel, any position vital to a rich and powerful Dom.”

“So basically, a sub version of Pepper, like if our dynamic were reversed?” asked Tony.

“Essentially yes,” agreed Natasha, “but with a lot more dead bodies.”

“That actually fits,” Sam said thoughtfully. “We know that she was trained by some of those same people, and that describes what we know of her relationship with Volkov.”

“Yes,” agreed Steve. “But is that her dynamic because it’s her nature, or because she’s been conditioned that way?”

Natasha raised one elegant eyebrow and leveled Steve with a grave look. “Does it really matter?”

Before Steve could reply, they were interrupted by JARVIS. “Sir, I have an incoming call from Miss Potts.”

“Put it through J.” Tony commanded. “Pep, Light of my Life, I was just singing your praises!”

“I’m sure you were, Tony.” Pepper’s voice contained the note of fond exasperation it usually held when she was speaking to, or about, Tony. While Tony was indeed a handfull, no one could deny how perfectly suited he and Pepper were for each other. Her voice took on a more serious tone as she continued. “Steve, something happened with Nikita.”

“Is she alright?” He asked, immediately on alert. They were still far enough away that he couldn’t sense anything through their bond, other than the fact that it still existed, which meant she was at least still alive.

“She’s fine, physically at least.” Pepper replied. She wanted to reassure the other Dom, but she also needed to be completely honest with him about what was going on with his sub, and what she might need from him. “There was an incident.”

“What kind of incident?” Steve asked with trepidation.

“She got a call from her little friend Thomas,” Pepper began. “I heard it, the boy sounded terrified and asked her for help. I went with Nikita to the home where Thomas had been placed. We found him strapped down to a bed, being beaten with a belt by his foster-father. Steve, I truly believe if we hadn’t gotten there when we did, the man would have raped that little boy.”

Steve’s blood ran cold, this was definitely a situation that would have been full of triggers for Nikita. “What happened?” He asked.

“Nikita attacked the Dom while I untied Thomas.” Pepper took a steadying breath before she continued. “Steve, I had to use my Voice to stop her from killing him.”

“You did what?” Steve demanded in a commanding tone, the one that made everyone who heard it unconsciously sit up a little straighter. 

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t think it would be good for anybody if she was arrested for killing a man in his own home,” Pepper explained. “I already apologised to Nikita if that helps.”

“And did she accept your apology?” Steve asked.

“Well I’m still breathing so I’ll take that as a yes,” Pepper quipped with an unamused chuckle.

“So what’s the situation now?” Steve asked.

“Bruce is treating Thomas on the med floor, Nikita is with him. They just finished an interview with a Detective Slater. The Dom who hurt Thomas is in police custody at the hospital.”

“How bad is he hurt?” Steve asked.

“I’m not sure exactly, but she broke several bones.” Pepper answered with a slightly haunted look in her eyes. She had known that Nikita was a killer, that several of the Avengers were, in fact, but seeing it up close and raw like that had shaken her. She didn’t envy Steve his bonding, it seemed like trying to Dominate something that violent, primal, would be a lot like grabbing a tiger by the tail. Pepper was reminded once again how grateful she was to be bonded to the frustrating-but-loveable, mischievous man-child that was Tony Stark. “Nikita also cut out his tongue and Dom-gland. It was pretty brutal. For a moment I think she lost track of where she was and what was going on, that’s when I used my Voice. It seemed to snap her back to reality.”

“The whole situation probably triggered her PTSD,” observed Sam, “causing her to have a minor dissociative episode.”

“Do you think that’s going to be a problem in the field?” Natasha asked in a seemingly dispassionate voice.

Sam shook his head, “I don’t think so. Not if Pepper was able to snap her out of it. As long as we always pair Nikita up with a Dom, preferably Steve just in case, she should be fine.”

“Is Thomas okay?” Tony asked.

Pepper’s voice softened as she addressed her sub, “Bruce is treating him now. No broken bones, but lots of lacerations all over his back, most of them drew blood. I don’t think he needed any stitches. The police agreed to let him stay here for now, which is good, because I don’t want to witness what would happen if someone tried to take that little boy from Nikita right now. In fact, Steve, I think you need to consider applying to foster Thomas permanently, because I’m pretty sure Nikita’s not going to give him up. I have to get back to dealing with our legal team on this, but I’ll see you all when you get home. In the meantime, JARVIS can play you a recording of the phone call, and the police interview.”

“I would appreciate that,” Steve replied. “Oh and Pepper?”

“Yes Steve?”

“Thank you for being there for her.” He said with heartfelt gratitude.

“As many times as you have been there for Tony, I am happy to return the favor.” Pepper answered with a smile before signing off.


	31. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I was just about the same age as Thomas when they came,” she said quietly in a flat, emotionless voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discussion of past childhood rape, you have been warned

Once the quinjet arrived at the Tower, Steve headed for the medical floor. After speaking with Pepper, Steve had spent the remainder of the flight home watching Thomas’ interview with the detective, and reading Bruce’s report of the boy’s injuries. He studied Nikita’s reactions during the interview, the shifts in body language and microexpressions that he was learning to read. Steve could tell that this situation was affecting Nikita far more than she was letting on, in ways that he couldn’t quite decipher. But one thing was perfectly clear, no one was going to separate her from Thomas without a fight.

As he entered the room , Steve could sense Nikita’s wariness of him, of his reaction. She was tense, body strung tight as a bowstring, sitting on the edge of the medical bed. Thomas lay with his body curled around her back, her hand resting gently on his head. Steve approached them with slow deliberate movement, trying to project calm assurance. He knew that the next few minutes would require a fine balance. On one hand Steve could tell that as a sub, Nikita was desperately craving the approval of her Dom, but she also needed to be sure that Steve didn’t pose a threat to Thomas. All of this was made much more complicated by the fact that Nikita viewed Dominants as inherently threatening. Steve slowly reached out, telegraphing the movement so she would have every opportunity to stop him. He placed his hand on Nikita’s shoulder, sliding it up to the back of her neck, locking eyes with her, as he gave it a firm yet gentle squeeze.

“You did so good,” he said. “I’m proud of you. You saved Thomas, and you’ve been protecting and caring for him. But I’m here now. You need to let go, let me protect, and take care, of both of you.”

Nikita could feel the tension she had been carrying melt away as her muscles relaxed with Steve’s grip on her neck. Her Dom’s approval unwound the coil of nerves she hadn’t even realized was in her stomach, his words settling her.

Steve let go of Nikita’s neck, directing her to stand with a hand on her elbow. “Let’s get both of you settled into a real bed,” he said as he gently picked up Thomas, carefully holding the boy so as not to aggravate his wounds. Steve carried Thomas to the elevator and then down the hallway to his apartment, absently noting that Nikita positioned herself one step behind and to his left. Now that he noticed it, he realized that was where she usually placed herself, lending further credence to Natasha’s theory.

As Steve carried Thomas down the hall, the little boy’s arms tightened around his shoulders, his cheek nuzzling into the Dom’s neck. The boneless weight and trusting embrace of the little boy in his arms tugged at Steve’s Alpha Dom instincts. The thought that anyone could willfully hurt this child made a protective urge swell inside his chest, almost as strong as his need to protect Nikita. At that moment, Steve accepted that he was going to claim the little sub as part of his family, and officially under his protection.

Once they reached the apartment, Steve gently laid Thomas down on the bed, positioning him on his side so as not to put pressure on his wounds. Steve then grabbed a clean pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt from his dresser, and headed towards the bathroom to shower and change. When he came back out, he found Nikita staring out the window with her arms crossed in front of her, hands gripping her arms, nails digging into the skin. Steve could feel the churning of emotion coming from her, even as her face and posture remained stoic. As he approached, her eyes met his in the glass reflection.

“I was just about the same age as Thomas when they came,” she said quietly in a flat, emotionless voice. “My father knew them, _worked_ with them. So when his boss, Viktor, showed up with a few friends, he welcomed them. They shot my father first, then Viktor grabbed my mother. That’s why they came. Viktor wanted my mother. He tore off her collar, and branded a new one onto her skin.” Steve’s blood ran cold as she continued, “While Viktor was busy with my mother, he told the others to _have some fun with me_. I tried to fight. One of them slammed me down, I must have hit my head, because the next thing I remember he was on top of me, _inside of me_. I turned my head away and found myself staring at my father’s face. He wasn’t dead yet. They took turns, I don’t remember how many. I kept fading in and out, but I kept my eyes on my father. Somewhere along the way I realized he was dead. The life had left his eyes, and I had missed it. Now, every time I kill a man with blue eyes, I try to do it up close so I can watch the life fade from his eyes, hoping each time that it will spark my memory… so that I can get back that moment that I lost.” Steve stood frozen as Nikita turned to face him, fierce emotion blazing from her eyes. “I _will not_ allow Thomas to be hurt like that. I won’t let him become like me.”

Steve was heartbroken by Nikita’s story, but thankful that she was finally opening up to him. He could already feel that bringing Thomas into their lives was going to bring them closer together. Steve met her eyes with a direct gaze. “Thomas is already like you in all of the ways that matter,” he said in a Dominant tone, just shy of using his Voice. “He is smart, and strong, and brave, and I _swear_ to you that I will make sure that no one comes between you. He is going to stay here with us, and _we_ are going to protect and care for him, _together_.”

Nikita swallowed the lump in her throat, searching through their bond and Steve’s face, for any hint of deception. Finding none, she found herself truly believing in his sincerity. She nodded her agreement, “Okay. Together.”

“Good, I’m going to sleep out here on the couch tonight. You go share the bed with Thomas. When he wakes up he shouldn’t be alone. Goodnight,” Steve said planting a quick kiss on Nikita’s forehead.

“Goodnight,” Nikita replied, before heading into the bedroom. She changed into pajamas and curled up next to Thomas, trusting Steve to keep them both safe while they slept.


	32. A New Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yes,” Steve replied. “We talked about it, and Thomas is going to stay with Nikita and I permanently. I don’t want to just foster him though, I’d rather do a formal adoption, that way we all feel more secure moving forward.” 
> 
> “If you’re really serious about this, then adoption is definitely the way to go.” Sam agreed. 
> 
> “I thought that might be your answer.” Pepper said.

The next morning Nikita woke to an empty bed. She cautiously made her way to the living room, to find Steve and Thomas snuggled on the couch watching Pinky and the Brain. Something about seeing her Dom treating the boy so gently, and indulging Thomas in his favorite cartoon, made a little more of the ice around her heart melt. She didn’t even realize the smile she had on her face as she joined them on the couch. 

“Good morning,” Nikita greeted them both. Thomas immediately crawled into her lap, nuzzling his face into her neck briefly, before returning his attention to the TV. In the aftermath of such a traumatic experience, the little sub was craving touch and reassurance, which Nikita (and apparently Steve as well) was happy to provide.

When the episode was over, Steve turned off the screen. “Just one more episode?” Thomas asked plaintively. 

“No, Thomas,” Steve replied. “Now that Nikita’s up, we need to get ready and join the others for breakfast. There’s a lot of important things that need to get done today.”

“But I want to watch one more, Please?” 

“Thomas. I said, No.” Steve replied firmly, his tone just shy of his Voice.

“Sorry, Sir.” Thomas responded, immediately contrite.

“You don’t need to call me Sir.” Steve informed him gently. “You can just call me Steve. If it helps, don’t think of me as a Dom, just think of me like a big brother. And you’re not in trouble. You’re just learning the rules here, it will take a while for you to settle in. But I do expect you to obey the adults that live here in the Tower, especially Nikita and myself. You are always allowed to ask questions, as long as you are respectful, but you are not allowed to argue without a very good reason. Understood?”

Thomas nodded, his eyes wide. “You said it would take time for me to settle in. Does that mean I get to stay?”

“Yes, Thomas,” Steve answered. “You get to stay. That’s partly why we need to join everyone else for breakfast. There’s a lot of steps that we need to take to make sure that happens.”

Steve’s explanation was cut short as the 10 year old barreled into him, hugging tight. Thomas then grabbed Steve’s hand and began towing the super-soldier towards the door. “Come on ‘Kita! We have to go to breakfast!”

Steve laughed as he halted the boy’s progress. “Slow down, Little Man. There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, why don’t you go brush your teeth while Nikita and I get dressed okay?’

******************************************************************************

The three of them entered the Common Floor to find Bucky and Darcy in the kitchen making breakfast for everyone; Thor, Jane, Natasha, and Clint (who had returned to the Tower as soon as he heard what was happening) in the living room; while Tony, Pepper, Bruce, and Sam sat at one end of the dining room table typing on tablets and filling out official looking forms. Thor was the first to note their arrival. Although he had returned to the Tower a few days ago, between his ‘reconnecting’ with Jane and Nikita’s training schedule at the Initiative, he and Nikita had not yet met. Having heard a lot about Nikita and Thomas from Darcy, Thor decided to take the opportunity to introduce himself to the newest members of his chosen family.

“Lady Nikita, Daughter-of-Ivan!” Thor greeted boisterously as he approached with a broad, welcoming grin. “I am told that you are the newest addition to our band of warriors, Welcome!”

Nikita hesitated briefly before returning the greeting, her internal threat assessment rapidly analyzing the situation. Thor was definitely physically imposing, and Nikita knew she was no match for him a straight fight, if it came to that. But, he wasn’t a Dom, wasn’t exuding anything even remotely threatening in his posture, expression, or voice. On the contrary, his expression and body language matched the welcoming tone of his words, and she could feel that Steve was comfortable and relaxed in the man’s presence.

“Thank you, Thor Son-of Odin.” Nikita replied with a nod, returning the formal phrasing of the greeting, pleased that the Norse God had known the meaning of her name and chose to honor it.

Thor turned to Steve, clapping him on the shoulder with enough force to make him stagger a step. ”Congratulations my friend! You must be truly blessed by the Norns to have such a formidable Shield-Maiden for your bonded.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Steve replied with a smile.

Thor then turned his attention to Thomas, bending down on one knee so as not to loom over him. “And you must be Thomas. My Lady Jane says you are very smart, and the Lady Pepper has told us all of your bravery. I very much look forward to getting to know you.”

“Th-thank you,” Thomas sputtered shyly. Those watching the exchange sharing bemused looks as the boy flushed, cheeks and the tips of his ears turning pink.

“Food’s ready!” Darcy called out as she and Bucky began carrying a quite frankly alarming amount of food out to the table. 

They all grabbed seats around the massive table and began loading their plates. Darcy and Bucky had made a huge platter of bacon/pancake dippers with individual cups of maple syrup to dip them in, as well as scrambled eggs, hash browns, sausage links, bacon, toast with jam, chocolate chip pancakes, yogurt, granola, fresh fruit, coffee and fresh-squeezed orange juice. Conversation died down as they all tucked in.

Once they had all made a significant dent in the food, Pepper spoke up. “So Steve, did you think about my suggestion?”

“Yes,” Steve replied. “We talked about it, and Thomas is going to stay with Nikita and I permanently. I don’t want to just foster him though, I’d rather do a formal adoption, that way we all feel more secure moving forward.” 

“If you’re really serious about this, then adoption is definitely the way to go.” Sam agreed. 

“I thought that might be your answer.” Pepper said. “I’ve had the lawyers working non-stop since the incident happened. We’ve already gotten a judge to sign off on an emergency placement, putting Thomas under your guardianship. Bruce has submitted a medical report, and Sam is writing up a psychiatric recommendation for Thomas to be in your care, both of which will be submitted to a judge by the end of the day.” 

In fact, Sam knew that stability was extremely important for all subs, but even more so for subs that have suffered significant trauma. A formal adoption would go a long way toward making both Thomas, and Nikita, feel safe and secure. 

It would also help Steve. The Alpha Dom had been through a lot of upheaval. Despite having spent 70 years in the ice, he was really only a few years older than Nikita, and in that time he had dealt with the deaths of his parents, project Rebirth, the war, losing his best friend, and facing certain death, only to find himself waking up in a future where everything he had ever known and loved had died or changed. Then of course aliens invaded, and SHIELD came calling. For the world, it had been 70 years, but from Steve’s perspective, he had effectively stepped off of one battlefield, and directly onto another. So many things had been out of his control for so long that it had taken it’s toll on the Dominant, and Sam had watched his friend struggle to find some way of regaining his equilibrium. Finding Bucky and bringing him to the Tower had helped, Bonding with Nikita had also gone a long way to help, giving Steve someone to focus on. Sam felt that taking in Thomas should help Steve feed those protective urges, and adoption would eliminate the uncertainty that the boy might ever be taken from them. He could also tell immediately that Steve’s acceptance of Thomas was making more headway with Nikita than anything else ever could. Not all of this was in his report, of course, just the parts that discussed why it would be in Thomas’ best interests to stay with Steve and Nikita.

“Detective Slater is also adding his recommendation,” Pepper continued. “Apparently he was very impressed with Nikita’s protectiveness and care of Thomas. In fact, the only person who objects to Thomas being placed with us is the social worker who placed him with that bastard in the first place. Apparently this social worker, Mr. Harris, thought that Thomas was a brat and didn’t like the way that he stood up to the Dom boys that bullied him at the orphanage. Harris decided that Thomas needed to be placed within a household with a ‘strong Dominant’ so that he would ‘learn his place’.”

“Don’t worry, by the time my lawyers are done with him, Harris won’t be getting anywhere near a child ever again,” Tony interrupted with a wicked smirk.

“Thomas isn’t bratty,” Steve immediately defended. “He just doesn’t let bullies take advantage of him just because they’re Doms.”

Hearing Steve’s indignation on Thomas’ behalf, was making Nikita feel things she didn’t want to examine too closely, so she quickly steered the conversation back to more practical matters. “What can I do?” she asked Pepper.

Pepper passed Nikita a tablet. “I had JARVIS take the liberty of creating your After Action Report for last night. Read through it and make any necessary corrections. When you’re done, I’ll send copies to Detective Slater and the court.”

Nikita took the tablet and read through the report. It was a fairly accurate account of the events of the previous night. She did raise an eyebrow when she got to the part describing that she silenced Rafe’s Voice because she was the only fighter on the scene, and couldn’t afford to compromise her ability to protect Thomas and Pepper. It wasn’t exactly a lie, and Nikita understood the need to characterize her actions as more First Responder and less Bratva Enforcer, so she signed off on the report and handed the tablet back to Pepper.

After breakfast, Pepper rounded up Steve, Sam, Bruce, and Tony; taking them down to the legal department to continue the whirlwind of interviews and paperwork. Natasha and Bucky left for the Initiative to check in with Wanda and Pietro, as well as touch base with the rest of the Avengers. The rest of them all gathered in the living room. Thomas, Clint, and Thor were soon caught up in playing Call of Duty Black Ops 2, in Zombie Mode. While the boys were playing, Darcy, Nikita and Jane began shopping online for everything Thomas might need, courtesy of Tony’s black Amex. They ordered clothes, furniture, bedding, toys, posters, books, school supplies; just about anything and everything that a 10 year old boy could possibly need or want.

During a pause in the game, when Thomas left to use the restroom, Clint took the opportunity to rib Thor a little. “Looks like Thomas has a crush on you, Big Guy.” He commented, giving the blonde a playful shove.

“Can you blame him?” Darcy joined in. “I mean Thor is dreamy.”

“Better not let Bucky hear you say that,” Jane admonished with a laugh. “He’s already uncomfortable around Thor as it is.”

“Why doesn’t Bucky like Thor?” Thomas asked as he re-entered the room.

“Because Darcy is like a little sister to Thor,” Clint explained, “and when they bonded, Thor gave Bucky one hell of a shovel talk. I don’t know what Thor said to him, but Bucky’s always a little tense when Thor’s in the same room.” Thor chuckled darkly, apparently pleased with that fact.

“What’s a shovel talk?” was Thomas’ next question.

Thor spoke up to answer this one. “My Lady Jane informed me that here in Midgard, when a submissive starts dating, or bonds, with a Dominant, it is tradition for a close friend or family member to explain to the new Dominant what the consequences will be if they mistreat the submissive.”

“It’s kind of mortifying, and embarrassing,” Darcy commented, “but it’s also kind of nice. Knowing that someone cares about you enough to look after you like that.”

“Kita, who gave Steve the shovel talk for you?” Thomas asked.

Clint thought back to the first time he laid eyes on Nikita, in a building full of the dead bodies of men who had betrayed her. “She took care of that one herself.” He answered the boy.

“Just wait ‘till you start dating,” Darcy teased gently. “The Doms will be thoroughly intimidated by Steve and the rest of the Avengers, before they ever even step foot in the Tower.”

Clint started laughing. “What is so funny, Friend Hawk?” Thor asked.

“It just occurred to me,” Clint replied. “The first time the little guy here brings a Dom home, I bet Nikita makes them piss themselves. They’ll be so nervous about dating Captain America’s kid, they’ll never see her coming.”

“You’re right, they won’t.” Nikita agreed with an almost feral grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bacon Pancake Dippers
> 
> INGREDIENTS
> 
> Prepared pancake batter  
> 12 slices of cooked bacon, halved  
> Butter, for cooking  
> Maple syrup, for serving
> 
> DIRECTIONS
> 
> Melt about 1 tablespoon of butter in a large nonstick skillet.  
> Using tongs, dredge each bacon half in pancake batter. Make sure the bacon slice is completely coated in batter.  
> Working in batches, add the battered bacon pieces to the pan. Cook until the bubbles begin to form on surface of the batter. Flip when the bubble start to pop, and cook on the other side until the other side is golden. Repeat until all bacon dippers are cooked, adding more butter to the pan if needed.  
> Serve bacon dippers with maple syrup for dunking.


End file.
